When I first discovered creepy emails in my inbox that talked about the location of my dungeon I was kind of freaked out. I don’t like people getting information about me without asking me, even meaningless shit like what my favorite color is. I’ve never liked people talking about me behind my back, regardless of the content of the conversation and I’ve worked hard to accept that people will do that and that most of the time they won’t tell me about it. So naturally, finding out that people were digging up any scraps of information on me that seemed relevant at all, creeping on me in various ways and making up extravagant lies about cumming all over my face is at the very least a little wiggy.
But to be honest… It’s also kind of flattering.
People I’ve never met want to know things about me. People who I’ve never spoken to and have no connect to are telling other people that they fucked me. People I literally don’t give a shit about are doing things to get my attention or broadcast the fact that they know me. That’s what crazy people do to celebrities! THAT’S FUCKING. COOL. By the transitive property that must mean that I’m some sort of small scale celebrity.
Seriously, think about it; I have directly done absolutely nothing to, with or for these people and they’re spending time and effort to find shit out about me. Once you get past the whole “Ew, why would you do that? That’s creepy!” thing generating enough buzz and attention that people are seeking you out (sometimes against your will) is in many ways a sign that you’re becoming successful.
“But, Mistress!” You might say “How is violating your privacy anything but a massive disregard for your basic human rights?” Well my pet.. Although it is that, people who generally do things like that and use fear tactics to make someone feel like they’re in danger are attempting to force control over you. It’s non-consensual D/s. If I’m afraid of anonymous dude A, then he has power over me and then he has a reason to feel powerful. The fact that he’s trying to scare me (someone he doesn’t have a connection with) into submission says to me that he considers me to be powerful or maybe I even emasculated him. Either way, he has set the tone that I am more powerful than him and he is trying to change that by making me fear for my safety. Unfortunately for him, power only comes from within and taking power away from someone else never makes you feel stronger.
So now that I’ve broken down why I feel flattered, let’s break down why I’m not really concerned by all of this because, let’s be honest, that’s not a normal human response.
Ideally in the animal kingdom, when one creature threatens another it triggers the fight or flight response which in this day and age means that whoever is fight or flighting is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. The thing is… Most threats aren’t even acted on. Worst case scenario, some dude shows up at my dungeon (or maybe my home if he’s crafty enough) and worst worst case scenario is that he tries to hurt me. …. Well then. That should be cause for concern, right? Let’s assume that he’s skilled enough to take me down and get me vulnerable. Well at that point there’s not much I can do as “preparation” other than make sure I keep going to Martial Arts and charge my taser, both of which I should do anyways. Even if all else fails and some really bad shit does indeed happen to me/is going to happen to me.. There’s not much someone can do to me that hasn’t been done already except actually kill me which is weirdly eroticized to me anyways…
*Ahem* I guess the point of all of this is that being scared when you get creepy emails is stupid, block them and do what you can to tighten your security. Being scared when you get creepy calls is stupid, block them. Being scared when someone leers at you through your window is stupid, bean whoever it is on the head and call the cops. But being scared when someone breaks into your place and tries to kidnap you is legit, except when what you’re really afraid of is that they’ll see you without make up on… *Ahem…*
So if you’re being stalked, creeped on, made to feel uncomfortable or what have you, don’t obsess over it. Do what you can to make sure your information and space is secure and move on. Worrying about the what ifs will drive you crazy and trying to make everything perfectly safe will never happen. Living be default is dangerous, don’t let someone’s rude reminder of that ruin your day.
Nationally acclaimed Seattle Dominatrix, Seattle Mistress, Seattle Fetish Goddess, Seattle BDSM Educator & perverse mind of the ages, Goddess of the weird, overly educated intimacy coach, Fetish Enthusiast, Fantasy Facilitator, BDSM Educator & all around Mistress.
With over a decade of kink & BDSM education and experience, there is little that I don't understand in passing. I am wise beyond my years and move to the beat of my own drum; I may not reinvent the wheel but I can find some better applications.