Archive For July 31, 2013
This week on my clips site I am introducing my new pet Slave Jay!
Enjoy watching me torture him with a wide variety of implements from my heels to my hands, a cattle prod to a whip! There will be many more updates to come. 😉
Stay tuned every Wednesday after noon for new clips and new sluts!
Sometimes, I make really bad choices about what I should and shouldn’t do; Building things from scratch, that I know nothing about, is often one of those things. Sure, I generally learn a hell of a lot, gain some new skills and get to experience the triumph of having built an entire bathroom almost exclusively by myself which are some pretty damn awesome rewards. Unfortunately what I never seem to take into account before simply deciding to accomplish enormous projects is that I will spend an awful lot of time staring menacingly at something that has not only just wasted my time and energy but that I could have easily paid someone else to deal with in a manner that takes up less time, energy and sanity.
That basically means that I could have spent a lot more time sleeping instead of doing this.
Anyways, moving along.
In the past I’ve
spent wasted a lot of my time on things that didn’t matter and that I didn’t learn anything from. Which in retrospect makes me feel like an amazing fuck up and a spectacular failure because I absolutely should have know better than do such things as renew my World of Warcraft subscription (because I totally wasn’t going to waste all my time playing video games, I had grown as a person!) or to date someone I hated. However, those choices were mine to make and although they weren’t good ones and I didn’t even learn anything from them they made me who I am today; A person who still makes decisions without thinking them through someti- Crap!
Well okay. So I might still make mistakes with the same false logic but I would like to think that I’m maturing and making worthwhile mistakes these days. So maybe my choice to code a website, build a business, or rebuild a house wasn’t that well thought out but at least I enjoyed (most) of the time spent on the project and as a bonus I gained a lot of really useful knowledge out of it. Such as the fact that regular drills are not the appropriate tool for drilling concrete.
At the end of the day, if I’ve accomplished one thing and learned something new and potentially useful I’m happy with that and it feels like a successful day. Sure, I’m probably not going to discover something new and incredibly exciting for anyone but me and I might not even learn anything that will ever be useful again and that’s okay. Want to know why? It’s because the caliber of the decisions I’m making has drastically changed which means I’m learning and I’m growing on a fundamental level as a result of it. And that my friends, is something that I’m very proud of.
“I’m not into anything weird.” He said, unabashedly but rather awkwardly. Immediately, I knew he was different but I didn’t know what exactly to make of him. “Maybe… He’s lying.” was of course my first thought and of course if someone is lying to a professional who deals with the deepest and darkest desires and fantasies of others it must either be something really awful or something really awful must have happened to him and now he feels the need to conceal his true intentions and desires. Either way, it was a cause for concern. That concern only grew when he informed me that he just wanted to hangout with me over dinner, in public and chat about shit that regular people talk about. Don’t get me wrong; I think I’m pretty freaking awesome but honestly, who pays someone to just shoot the shit?
Apparently Jack does.
And Jack is awesome.
Jack is a funny guy; He’s straight laced with a very off color sense of humor (in fact he has supplied me with the absolutely WORST jokes I have in my arsenal), he’s the most casually professional person I have ever met, he looks a lot like the first boy I ever loved and he is dying (which he confessed to me once and then promptly forgot.) Jack is hilarious, what he does is hilarious, his sense of humor, his ideas, the way he conducts himself; Everything. It is impossible to be uncomfortable around him and even more impossible to feel threatened by him. He is genuinely a great a person and because of who he is he is hands down my favorite client, hell I consider him a real friend.
For most people who work in any service industry it’s very easy to separate work from personal life but in a field where you are selling intimacy and trust, the lines become a bit blurred. To be honest, I make almost no attempt to separate the two because I hate feeling as if I am not being genuine. For me because I identify as polyamorous, every client I see is a relationship in a certain sense although it is one with a very defined exchange, well laid out limitations and often a set end time. In this kind of mindset I allow myself to really connect with other people and be who I am as a person as well as a Domina; I don’t fake my way through meetings.
For someone like myself (an empath, specifically) it’s really important for me to connect with people and as Domina who fetishizes transforming people and pushing them to their limits I have to understand my submissive entirely and read their responses with very few, if any, errors. Meeting Jack helped me understand the importance of not being impersonal and allowing myself to comfortably and safely connect with the people I see. This, if anything is what really sets me apart from other dominas (although many that I know in Seattle also do this.)
To bring this all back to my original point; Meeting Jack made me a better person and significantly improved my life, as much of this line of work has done. Thank you Jack, for contributing to my growth and overall person. 🙂
This evening I filmed some new content during a session with one of my favorite submissives. He’s obedient, trusting, always on time, a great conversationalist, respectful yet not timid, he can take what I dish out and I genuinely enjoy his company in and out of session; Our dynamic together is always good and our sessions are always fun. After filming, I started going through what all was on my camera which turned out to be a bunch of sessions I had filmed over the last year or so.
Like most people, over the last year I have grown A LOT and it shows on camera. Everything from how I carry myself to my skill level in session has changed drastically and I would say for the better. Most notably, I have become very skilled at interacting with people and controlling their actions. I have never considered myself to be lacking skill in either of these areas but these days it appears that I effortlessly flow through conversation, banter and play to the point of where it looks utterly effortless. I’m pleased to say that I am quite proud of the way I have been conducting myself, save for a few off days and the confidence shines through which only seems to make me shine brighter.
On a side note, I really should film more; It’s a freaking blast!
I’ve always been into Primal play: The kind of play where no power exchange dynamic is certain, everything is a battle, the struggle is rough and dirty and sometimes people do actually get hurt. Maybe it’s because I get to be both a sadist and a masochist that I love fighting oh so very much.
Wrestling, grappling, submissions, punching, kicking, slapping, grabbing, pulling, head locks, leg locks, arm bars, pins, choke outs, pressure points, scissors, lift and carries… Oh my!
The process of the battle is just so intoxicating; The rush of anxiety at the beginning, the stress of the battle itself, the glory of winning, the embarrassment of losing and the afterglow courtesy of the endorphins racing through my body as a result of intense physical activity. Nothing else quite captures me the same way as a physical power struggle does because nothing else seems to outline both roles so boldly while at the same time leaving them both up for grabs. The dominant party is only the dominant when they are winning or have won and the next second could be completely different; Dominance must be won or earned. Which quite honestly, is a concept I think more people involved in D/s and power exchange should consider or even be aware of.
In many ways I find traditional power exchange (I am the dominant because we’ve decided this) to be corny and unrealistic. In many situations it isn’t an accurate representation of that person, their skills or even the role they identify with. Sometimes the person in the dominant role is just taking direction from the other person because they didn’t really want to be in the dominant role or maybe the submissive party has refused to give up control unless it’s under this one specific condition.
To give a real world example of a situation where dominance was not correctly placed:
Recently I read a post a man had written about the issues he faced when trying to cut his bottom down from an inverted suspension. It was my understanding that he had three up lines: A gravity boot on each foot and a chest harness. Upon changing the positioning of the gravity boots (from the ends of a spreader bar to the center) a knot had slipped and had tightened down the gravity boot causing the bottom’s foot to be pinched uncomfortably. Understandably, the bottom panicked and asked to be let down. Well, no. She commanded her top to cut her down which is exactly what he attempted to do and exactly what he should not have done.
Why should he have not tried to cut her down? First of all it meant he had to leave his bottom, presumably with one of the up lines not secured. Second, literally cutting someone down from an inversion is effectively dropping them on their head although at that point several people had rushed over to help. Thirdly in the time it took him to cut her down he could have had her safely on the ground and resting if he had just untied her. Especially since he had people there to help who could have taken the weight off her foot, held the up lines, ect.
I am in no way trying to advocate for ignoring your bottom; If something is wrong, you need to address it. However, as the dominant person in the scene it is your responsibility to make the best decisions for your bottom and to have the knowledge and know how to prevent emergency situations from occurring and to also have the knowledge and skill to correctly respond to emergency situations. I don’t believe that this person had the necessary skills needed to respond safely in this situation; Namely, he lacked the confidence and experience that he needed to correctly assess and respond to this situation.
So what should he have done?
Initially, he should attempted to calm his bottom down to avoid the chaos of a heap of people rushing over and trying to help in a panicked manner. Then he should have just called someone over to help support her and take the weight off the foot that was hurting (or even do that himself ) while he untied her and lowered her to the ground. At most, releasing the up lines should have taken 30 seconds or so. Where as the chaotic attempts to hack her out of the rope took several minutes and several different blades.
Over all, it seems to me that no one who responded to this situation was thinking of anything besides the distress of the bottom which can be a dangerous thing when the top’s ability to assess a situation can make the difference between a safe bottom and one with a cracked skull.
Obviously, not all incidents involving traditional power exchange are corny (sometimes they can even be hot) and not all dominants are unable to maintain control in a scene/are faking control but I have witnessed enough train wrecks in human interactions to notice a general theme; Implied or predetermined D/s or power exchange with no basis for testing and defining limits will end horribly. What exactly does that mean, you ask? Simply that in order to have power or control over a person you must earn it and you must be responsible for the control you take.
But I’m the DOMINANT! That means I make the rules and call the shots!
Sure, you’re making the decisions and that’s kind of a given but why should anyone listen to what you’re saying? What have you honestly done to earn submission from someone? Are you qualified to be in control in this situation? What if it goes horribly wrong? Have you earned your submissive’s trust? If not, why not and why are they willing to submit to you? Most importantly of all, why do you want to be in control and why do you think you deserve it?
My point of all these questions being that you need to check yourself constantly when it comes to power exchange. If the people involved in most of the train wrecks I mentioned earlier had done something to check themselves and their skills in an honest way, the issues could have been prevented.
Whether it be planning for emergencies, testing your submissive’s respect for you with protocol or having an honest chat with someone whose opinion you trust about your skills, earning the right to be dominant is an aspect so often over looked.
So next time when you go to assert your dominance or top a scene, really ask yourself this: Is my submissive’s trust in me well placed?