Archive For September 26, 2013
When I first discovered creepy emails in my inbox that talked about the location of my dungeon I was kind of freaked out. I don’t like people getting information about me without asking me, even meaningless shit like what my favorite color is. I’ve never liked people talking about me behind my back, regardless of the content of the conversation and I’ve worked hard to accept that people will do that and that most of the time they won’t tell me about it. So naturally, finding out that people were digging up any scraps of information on me that seemed relevant at all, creeping on me in various ways and making up extravagant lies about cumming all over my face is at the very least a little wiggy.
But to be honest… It’s also kind of flattering.
People I’ve never met want to know things about me. People who I’ve never spoken to and have no connect to are telling other people that they fucked me. People I literally don’t give a shit about are doing things to get my attention or broadcast the fact that they know me. That’s what crazy people do to celebrities! THAT’S FUCKING. COOL. By the transitive property that must mean that I’m some sort of small scale celebrity.
Seriously, think about it; I have directly done absolutely nothing to, with or for these people and they’re spending time and effort to find shit out about me. Once you get past the whole “Ew, why would you do that? That’s creepy!” thing generating enough buzz and attention that people are seeking you out (sometimes against your will) is in many ways a sign that you’re becoming successful.
“But, Mistress!” You might say “How is violating your privacy anything but a massive disregard for your basic human rights?” Well my pet.. Although it is that, people who generally do things like that and use fear tactics to make someone feel like they’re in danger are attempting to force control over you. It’s non-consensual D/s. If I’m afraid of anonymous dude A, then he has power over me and then he has a reason to feel powerful. The fact that he’s trying to scare me (someone he doesn’t have a connection with) into submission says to me that he considers me to be powerful or maybe I even emasculated him. Either way, he has set the tone that I am more powerful than him and he is trying to change that by making me fear for my safety. Unfortunately for him, power only comes from within and taking power away from someone else never makes you feel stronger.
So now that I’ve broken down why I feel flattered, let’s break down why I’m not really concerned by all of this because, let’s be honest, that’s not a normal human response.
Ideally in the animal kingdom, when one creature threatens another it triggers the fight or flight response which in this day and age means that whoever is fight or flighting is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. The thing is… Most threats aren’t even acted on. Worst case scenario, some dude shows up at my dungeon (or maybe my home if he’s crafty enough) and worst worst case scenario is that he tries to hurt me. …. Well then. That should be cause for concern, right? Let’s assume that he’s skilled enough to take me down and get me vulnerable. Well at that point there’s not much I can do as “preparation” other than make sure I keep going to Martial Arts and charge my taser, both of which I should do anyways. Even if all else fails and some really bad shit does indeed happen to me/is going to happen to me.. There’s not much someone can do to me that hasn’t been done already except actually kill me which is weirdly eroticized to me anyways…
*Ahem* I guess the point of all of this is that being scared when you get creepy emails is stupid, block them and do what you can to tighten your security. Being scared when you get creepy calls is stupid, block them. Being scared when someone leers at you through your window is stupid, bean whoever it is on the head and call the cops. But being scared when someone breaks into your place and tries to kidnap you is legit, except when what you’re really afraid of is that they’ll see you without make up on… *Ahem…*
So if you’re being stalked, creeped on, made to feel uncomfortable or what have you, don’t obsess over it. Do what you can to make sure your information and space is secure and move on. Worrying about the what ifs will drive you crazy and trying to make everything perfectly safe will never happen. Living be default is dangerous, don’t let someone’s rude reminder of that ruin your day.
I love my job. There’s such a thrill that comes along with meeting someone new and unknown for bdsm play. What role will he want to play? Will he like me? Will we get along? Will we connect well during play? It completes me like nothing else but it is a hardship at times. To be a dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort or any other kind of sex worker takes the strength to take on the deepest desires and darkest fantasies of a stranger and to make their wildest dreams come true without devaluing, compromising and destroying yourself. to do that well takes an immense amount of strength and the willingness to be vulnerable.
Let me get one thing straight, I am not being paid to be a hole. I am being paid to be myself and use my own passions to make the fantasies of others come true. By coming out and saying “this is who I am. I’m kinky as hell, I like watching others enjoy themselves and even though we don’t know if we have chemistry, I’m willing to accept money to meet you and take the chance that you aren’t going to rape, kill, stalk, harass or otherwise try to hurt me.”
Every part of that statement is a challenge in and of itself and on a day to day basis I don’t know how I manage to trust the world so much to accept so much of who I am and more surprisingly still, to want to spend time with me so badly that they’ll pay me for the experience.
The days that I expose the most of myself are the days that I excel the most and the days that my clients and friends enjoy the most and knowing that gives me the strength to keep allowing new people to see very intimate sides of me.
Who am I intimately anyways? We all wear disguises in some shape so that we can avoid being hurt but what kind of things are lurking underneath that?
On the exterior, I’m strong, I’m focused but goofy, I’m eager to watch other enjoy themselves and sometimes off the cuff things fall out of my mouth.
Under that… I like causing pain and I love watching people want me.. desire my touch and crave more of me. But it’s complicated because although I love to please, I love to deny even more. To watch my victim squirm uncomfortably with delight and disappointment. Sometimes it’s hard to keep them on the hook after saying no but that’s my favorite part.
Sometimes, I’m insecure like most people. I fear that I’m over valuing myself and driving other away because of that. I’m worried that I’m not good enough, skilled enough, competent enough or intelligent enough to pull off the plans I’m trying to release to the world. Although I have this uncanny ability to just make things work and some weird sort of luck/magic seems to follow me where ever I go. Maybe I’m just really good at handling crisis/stressful situations. That must be it; Sometimes I act like a total tit in a social situation and I shove my foot in my mouth while being a complete ass. Sometimes literally. Yet I manage to be suave enough to not absolutely abhor most people. Despite the fact that these situations I create embarrass and horrify me, I can’t seem to stop doing them. Regardless of whether or not I’ve had something to drink.
Deepest of all… I’m afraid that I’ll become a spinster who gets emotional and social fixes from work instead of reaching out to other people. Work is easier. Want to know why? I know the other people involved like me, at least a bit. If they don’t, I don’t hear from them and that’s that. Rejection is scary because still at some base level, my value as a person is tied up in the approval of others.
But you know what? It doesn’t have to be. I’m imperfect and I’m okay with that.
What really counts? I try. I give life and experiences as much as I can and then I push myself a little bit harder and that makes me proud, even when I fail miserably.
I’ve decided to start making some free content that I’m going to post through some sharing sites and some on youtube (no nudity, obviously.)
So that leaves you with the task of providing me with ideas!
If you have any questions, comments, suggestions or ideas of videos for me, please leave a comment here or send me an email: rubyenraylls@gmail.com
Looking forward to hearing from you!
As some of you know, I have a clips store. I’m perpetually looking to add to it and I’ve decided to start accepting formal applications. (I have been offering discounts for sessions during which I acquire clips.)
If you’re interested in being in some clips of mine, please email the following information to my email address.
rubyenraylls@gmail.com
Model Application
Please attach 3-8 photos that show what you look like, Samples located beneath this application
Name:Desired Stage Name:Age:Gender:Birthdate:Email:Phone:Availability/Time Constraints: Body Type:
Ethnicity:
Hair:
Eyes:
Height:
Weight:
Chest:
Waist:
Hips:
Dress Size:
Shoe Size:
Bust and/or Cock measurements:
Tattoos/piercings/ect:Ethnicity:Hair:Eyes:Height:Weight:Chest:Waist:Hips:Dress Size:Shoe Size:Bust and/or Cock measurements:Tattoos/piercings/ect:Current # of Partners (any intimate contact):# of Partners (any intimate contact) in the last 6 months:# of Partners (any intimate contact) in the last 12 months:Date and results of your partners’ last STI/STD screening:History of your partner(s)/Your STI/STD’s:Date and results of your last STI/STD screening:Vaccinations:Transmutable Blood/Skin/ect Infections:
What are your BDSM/fetish/ect interests?:
Why are you interested in working with me?:
What are you interested in doing with me? (EG: Clips, Cam shows, Sessions):
What makes you an ideal candidate as my Co-star?:
Do you identify as kinky? If so, explain:
Do you consider anything a hard limit? (EG: Your face cannot appear on film):
Anything else you’d like to tell me?
Please also specify if you would like to set up a discounted session or if you would like to be interviewed just for clips. (The latter is more specific and will be geared towards what I want to film.)
:
Unfortunately, not everyone is as honest as we would hope; Sometimes people lie to their significant others and sometimes that sucks for everyone involved, especially if you aren’t actually involved in the issues at hand. As a professional dominatrix, fetishist, submissive, escort, ect and even just as a person in the dating scene you will encounter this issue at one point in time or another. Likely, if you are the person outside of the relationship you will be blamed by one or both parties for any and all issues… And that sucks because unless you actually did something to pry one person away from the other, it isn’t your fault. Hell, even if you did it wasn’t your choice or your relationship even if you were an influencing factor in the final decision.
Let me highlight that again: Even if you make mistakes, someone else’s relationship is not your problem.
If anyone would know that important piece of information, it would be me; Unfortunately I often have my fingers in other people’s business. Literally and figuratively. Sure, you could tell me that I’m a terrible person for allowing other people to cheat on their significant others but it is really not my business. I believe that honesty and openness are the corner stones of a healthy relationship and I encourage people to be honest or end it but at the end of the day it’s not my decision, my problem or my life. Occasionally this blows the fuck up in my face. Take yesterday for example:
Yesterday morning I woke up to a slew of angry text messages from the now ex girlfriend of one of my favorite clients that contained the following information:
I am X’s girlfriend. I found your number and X told me he bought things for you and that is not okay with me. He and I decided to try to work out our failing relationship and I think that you are the sole problem in it. I don’t care if you hang out but he has promised me that he won’t ever see you again because he said that you two have an intimate relationship.
Yikes. Where do I even begin with that information? My bitchy side wants to cackle and just point blank say what went on and sit and watch the fireworks that ensue… But that is awful and absolutely inappropriate regardless of the reasons behind it.
So what should you do when confronted by someone else’s significant other? Plead the goddamn fifth, give them your condolences for whatever issues they are having and encourage them to talk to their partner (or in this case, ex.) Someone else’s relationship is basically none of your business and it is in everyone’s best interest to keep it that way. Sure, you could offer advice but if you’re at all like me that’s the reason you’re in the middle of this in the first place. So keep calm, don’t get angry (they are undoubtedly trying to provoke you) and carry on.
Worst case scenario you lose a client/friend and two people hate and blame you for issues in their relationship, if you don’t engage then you don’t have to deal with that anyways and they will go away on their own.
Hopefully, everyone involved can be adults and you can come to an agreement. Ideally, that would be an open policy in the relationship where the person you were seeing continues to see you and is honest about it with their significant other and you even reassure them from time to time. Keep in mind that is a best case scenario and is probably very unlikely. With that said, unless you want to cause arguments and probably get screamed at you should just not be involved with both parties.
If the person you were seeing chooses to continue to see you make sure that it is crystal clear that you will have nothing to do with them if their significant other gets involved with you and that their relationship is not something that you will be a part of. If either party doesn’t respect your wishes then you leave. I cannot stress this enough: Keep your boundaries firm and make sure that you don’t get roped into this situation anymore than you need to be. It is also wise to make a point of saying that honesty is the best policy and that you would be far more comfortable with everyone being aware and consensually involved in the situation. Beyond that, it’s up to you if you’re comfortable risking having an angry wife, husband or girlfriend confront you at random (likely with no idea what is actually going on.)