Month: July 2014

Convince Ruby to Visit You; A Shut In on an Adventure

For those of you who know me well, you may have noticed that there are a few places where you can almost always find me; Turns out I’m an agoraphobe so going out into the world is scary for me and I’ve gotten very good at avoiding going out into the world. I recently realized this because it came to my attention that the list of people I interact with face to face is very small and that I haven’t gone out in public with friends in…. An embarrassingly long time. Whoops. So of course I impulsively decided to go on a road trip to California, classic me. The last couple of days have been really hard for me because I’ve flat out refused to go outside because according to my brain “there are weird people who make a lot of noise outside. Oh god, are they drinking outside in day light? They are! And they’re playing MUSIC! I can’t possibly go there.” So because I’ve been scared of going outside I haven’t done much which has given me the opportunity to notice that I’m home sick. Awesome. Tonight I began giving it some real thought while debating where I should travel to next and I realized that I’m not scared of being outside, I’m scared of people. I spent a lot of my adolescence and young adulthood trying to find out where I fit in and I ended up in a lot of really awful social circles, in hopes …

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Sexual Energy Exchange; Why I’m a Provider

Over the holidays last year I found myself feeling really weird and grumpy when I went for long periods without playing with anyone. After chatting with Victoria Rage she and I decided that play withdrawal is totally a thing that happens for both of us. I’m thinking that I likely feel bad after going a while without playing (in the hobby and out of it) because it is a source of positive energy for me and it gives me a positive outlet for any negative feelings I might be having. Since discovering this I’ve made a conscious effort to pour any negativity into my play and I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten significantly more happiness out of my play and I’ve felt an increase in my overall well being and ability to connect with people. Almost without fail, I feel happier and more energized after I play with someone and there is some level of sexual connection. Before I found the hobby, I felt really unstable, prone to depression and honestly really frustrated with myself and others. It felt like I was missing something so I ended up having sex with a bunch of random people, doing porn and engaging in all sorts of self destructive sexually charged behavior that ultimately lead me to exploring the hobby. Initially, I thought of the hobby as something dark, disgusting, shameful and like the bottom of the barrel; Only desperate people with no self respect engage in such activities, right? Well, I was at …

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