I’m Not a Princess

In 36 hours I’ll be heading home, it’s been a long week. I don’t think I’ve been away from home for this long since I was a kid and I definitely didn’t experience as much then as I did this week; It’s been a week of stress, pain, discovery, wonder, fear, anxiety, excitement, elation, connection and now tears as I write this. I’m not upset, at least I don’t think I am. It mostly feels like I’m over whelmed by everything that has happened and how that has shaped my view of the world, myself and what I want my life to look like.

Boy oh boy, I learned a lot about my friends this week.

The event that stood out the most to me was meeting a couple I see for dinner and getting to connect with the female part of the equation, one on one. She told me that she met her partner through being a high class escort and then asked him to set me up with one of his friends so that he could take care of me. I’ve often thought about exploring that world further but at this point in my life it would mean giving up the security, stability, comfort and understanding I have in my life in hope of finding something better. I had never put a price tag on my life as it is until this week and I realized how much my life is worth to me, as it is. Generally speaking, I’m not a big fan of things that can be described as “stable” or “consistent” because I myself can’t really be described that way and in many scenarios it cramps my style but this is different.

The man I was talking about earlier said something that really stood out to me through the blur of a night of expensive booze, expensive cars, expensive hotels and debauchery: “There is so little magic left in the world. You two are special to me because you show me that magic still exists.” The meaning behind those words hit me hard and started a chain reaction that has caused me to view myself in a different light.

When I was a little girl, my favorite thing in the world was unicorns. To me unicorns are mystical, wise, playful, graceful in life, vulnerable but powerful and they have this uncanny ability to make things work out for them in the best possible way. Unicorns have the ability to heal others, change lives forever and for the better and accomplish astonishingly incredible feats. However, in all the stories I used to read about unicorns when I was a girl there was an unlikely hero or heroine who helped the unicorn overcome any challenges she faced by providing her with simple, practical forms of help. The hero can do things that the unicorn can’t like carry objects and interact normally with other humans but it is a very unlikely pairing because the two seem so incredibly different.
I feel like most little girls are taught to search for a prince and through that, they view themselves as princesses but that’s not me; I’m a unicorn. I don’t need a hero but it certainly makes life a lot easier and less lonesome.