Almost without fail, I feel happier and more energized after I play with someone and there is some level of sexual connection. Before I found the hobby, I felt really unstable, prone to depression and honestly really frustrated with myself and others. It felt like I was missing something so I ended up having sex with a bunch of random people, doing porn and engaging in all sorts of self destructive sexually charged behavior that ultimately lead me to exploring the hobby. Initially, I thought of the hobby as something dark, disgusting, shameful and like the bottom of the barrel; Only desperate people with no self respect engage in such activities, right? Well, I was at the bottom of the barrel but to my surprise it ended up being the best thing I could have done for myself.

Being a provider completes me; It gives me an outlet for my frustrated energies and it takes the pressure off of everything else in my life because it’s a HUGE stress relief. I don’t understand it yet but it feels like I need to engage in intimate activities with a variety of people because I feed on that energy. When I was involved with a small number of people, I sucked them dry or I was really pissed off all the time because I wasn’t getting enough energy from them. I guess you could call me a sexual energy vampire.

Being a provider gives me a safe outlet to consume sexual energy (it helps that it’s expected) and to dump negative energy (which is usually all sexual frustration.) I get to set the exchange rate, control the environment, decide the play, set the rules and it provides for me. What could possibly be better?

Why do you hobby/provide?

The post Sexual Energy Exchange; Why I’m a Provider appeared first on Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls.