Hello, before you contact me, make sure you’ve read my entire greeting page. Then if you have additional questions, this page will hopefully answer them all for you.
Here are some commonly asked bdsm questions all neatly wrapped up for you to browse.
Table of contents
- Newbie Section
- Booking Questions
- Dungeon Related Questions
- General Questions
- Questions Regarding Requests
- May I call you to schedule a session?
- Can we discuss what I want to do beforehand?
- Can I have sex with you?
- Do you specialize in my fetish?
- Do you entertain my fetish?
- Will you have any toy I request?
- Can I make an outfit request?
- Will you go out with me to dinner/lunch/drinks?
- Can I be your personal slave?
I have never seen a Dominatrix before, will you see me?
Certainly, I am always happy to train a new submissive. In fact I very much enjoy a fresh canvas or someone who has been out of the scene for a while. If you haven’t ever met me before please visit my “Protocol” page.
How do I meet a Dominatrix?
It can be intimating to look for a dominatrix but as a submissive you need to impress your prospective Mistress. Google is a great place to start on your journey to finding a Mistress. You could also go to a local munch, BDSM club or join Fetlife. Self exploration and community support is important but the benefits of a professional dominatrix trend towards privacy and expertise.
Are you real?
Yep, last time I checked. Although there are many catfish accounts online that like to use my images, likeness and identity. So beware. Keep in mind that a real Dominatrix will never contact you first, especially not through social media. All of my social media accounts and contact methods are linked on this website, primarily I use Twitter and Reddit and typically I simply use the name “Rubyenraylls” on every platform. I do not use any other names like “Anita” and I do not misspell my own name such as “Ruby Enraylis”. I also do not use the app Qiui or any dating apps or dating sites.
How long have you been a Dominatrix?
I have been focusing my efforts as a professional Dominatrix since 2011 but I started learning in 2009. Although my interests began before that, I was too young to learn much of anything and certainly too young to be a part of any community.
Does BDSM always hurt?
Only if you want it to. Not all of BDSM is about pain. B stands for bondage, DS means dominance and submission, only the SM part means Sadism and Masochism. That’s just that acronym, that’s not the entire umbrella of kink or getting into fetishes. Personally, I really enjoy power play (the DS part of BDSM,) so if pain isn’t your thing I’m sure we can negotiate something that works within both of our limits.
Will I have marks afterwards?
I enter each scene with the assumption that unless stated otherwise: No means no and you don’t want marks. You can get marks from bondage as well as impact so be sure to mention if you bruise or mark easily as well as where you cannot have marks when we are discussing our scene.
Do I get to decide what happens during my session with a dominatrix?
To not give you a say at all in what happens to you would be a little unfair, that being said you are coming to me to not make decisions. I prefer to discuss interests, likes and dislikes and if something really isn’t working, please do speak up.
Is everything I share with a dominatrix confidential?
I take great pride in keeping the confidence of those who serve me. I have no intention of sharing anything that you do not give me explicit permission to share. This includes screening information, contact information and really anything about you.
What happens if we see each other in public?
Fight Club Rules apply; Don’t Talk About Fight Club. That is to say that we both pretend not to know each other and give knowing glances.
Do you offer same day professional dominatrix sessions?
If you are new, I do not offer same day meetings. If we are already familiar and my schedule allows for it, I can meet with you.
How much notice do you need for a session?
My life is very busy and my schedule tends to book out, if you have a specific time that you need I would suggest allowing for as much lead time as possible.
Do you require screening?
Yes. You may read about my screening policies on my sessions page. In short, I need something tangible that proves that you are human.
What are your requirements for a session?
In order to have a session with me you must be at least 18 years old and able to consent. I require some form of screening which you can read about here.
What information do you need in order to meet me?
My screening protocols ask for links to your social media or references. If you aren’t able to supply these, we can arrange a phone interview or in person interview.
What is your preferred session duration?
I prefer longer sessions to shorter ones because I like to build rapport and have long term relationships with people that I play with. Typically my sessions range from 2-6 hours and I have some special folks that I do day long or multiday scenes with.
How do I book with you?
Do you accept credit cards?
No but there are many other digital options. If you must use a digital payment method I would suggest an e gift card. Please ask me what works best for me at the current time. If you are from out of the country there are many different options that should still work.
Dungeon Related Questions
Do you have a dungeon?
Yes. I have a private space that is solely mine, private and dedicated to my practices.
Where is your dungeon located?
My dungeon is in Seattle, Washington. About 5-10 minutes North of Downtown Seattle, 15 minutes from Bellevue and 40 minutes North of Seatac Airport.
What BDSM toys and furniture do you have?
I have many more toys than I can actually list. I have something for every fantasy. Please see my Seattle Dungeon’s page for some examples, a photo gallery and information about my furniture.
How do you clean your dungeon & gear?
My dungeon itself is deep cleaned at least once a week from the floor to every surface. For toys I use a multi-step cleaning process and I change it depending on the material, what type of contact the item has and what got on the item. For example with ballgags I first spray them with disinfectant, scrub with hot water and soap and spray with disinfectant again then rinse.
Can I/we rent your dungeon?
No, I am strictly private and do not wish to share my space with others. You can absolutely book a couple’s session or an educational session though.
What is a Dominatrix?
A dominatrix is a woman who has expertise in BDSM, D/s dynamics, fetish play and fantasy. She is a professional and an expert in her craft.
Are a Dominatrix and an Escort the same thing?
No. They are independent of each other. A dominatrix can also be an escort and vice versa. The primary difference is that a dominatrix specializes in BDSM and an escort specializes in more intimate activities.
How did you become a Dominatrix?
Slowly over time I have gained many different skills that lend themselves to the art of domination and femdom. It did not happen overnight. I have had an interest in BDSM for as long as I can remember and I have devoted lots of time to my craft.
What elements of BDSM/fetishes are you interested in?
My interests depend on the individual and my mood that day, connection is most important to me and I view different skills or types of play as tools to achieve a head space.. To get an idea of some things I am interested in, read my interests page.
Why should I choose a Professional Dominatrix?
A professional dominatrix such as myself has a lot to offer; From extreme discretion to expansive skills to elaborate dungeon set ups and years of unique experience. It is quite difficult for just anyone to compete with what a dominatrix can bring to the table. Personally, I have over a decade of lifestyle experience and over 9 years as a professional dominatrix in Seattle. I’ve made a point of being well versed in many areas of BDSM and fetish, highly educated and I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. As such, I’m always searching for new information, exploring and learning from experts. I have attended countless classes and have spent a significant amount of time adding to my knowledge base. There is a saying that you have to spend thousands of hours o become an expert and lifestyle BDSM players simply don’t have the time. A professional Dominatrix who lives a femdom lifestyle however, is a different story. Furthermore, the environment (my dungeon) is different than you might find otherwise, that is to say that my collection of gear.
Why should I explore BDSM?
Through my experience as a Dominatrix, I have found that a dominant and submissive relationship can be something greater and far more powerful than simply a fun experience. Although it is definitively an incredible experience with the right Dominatrix. If you open your mind and allow yourself to let go, you’ll be surprised what you can discover. The right connection is critical in this venture. A connection that I would describe as spiritual, motivational, intimate, powerful and sometimes life changing. A dominatrix can be the best confidant while you are escaping the world on the other side of the door. She can be a non judgmental guide while you kneel before your Goddess, a collar fastened firmly around your neck. For those who are lucky, a Dominatrix can push you to discover inner strength you never was there while you explore the depths of your desires.
At the end of the day, your desires are your desires. They will always be there, they are a part of you.
Questions Regarding Requests
May I call you to schedule a session?
No. I prefer that you fill out my scheduling form if we have not met before. After supplying me with additional information, I would be happy to arrange a phone interview with you. Please do not call me initially.
Can we discuss what I want to do beforehand?
Discretion is extremely important. If you prove yourself to be trustworthy, I am happy to engage in discussion about your fantasies only or have online sessions. Otherwise I prioritize discretion in my communications.
Can I have sex with you?
No, I have nothing against that but that is not an interest of mine. My focus is on obedience, servitude, exploration and BDSM.
Do you specialize in my fetish?
I have many areas of technical expertise, so much so that I tend to mold interactions around mutual moods and interests du jour.
That being said, in more broad strokes my specialties are control, shaping people, eliciting a reaction, sadism, the unusual, interpersonal connection and creating something pretty. Those are applied in oh so many ways it’s difficult to count. Chances are we will have overlap. I find that the details of a fetish or skill are limiting, why limit yourself when you can spend time honing many different skills and then switch between them when the mood strikes?
Do you entertain my fetish?
What I’m not interested in is outlined on my Booking page.
Unless it has a significant chance of causing harm or injury to you or any non easily preventable methods of preventing harm towards me. (Check out my Limits for more info.) I will admit I am quite broad in my definition of “harm”. This is because I play with edge play and I feel that education and realistic assessment are key to not getting hurt.
I am against any lasting damage, permanent injury and extremely high risk of any kind. Your safety and the safety of everyone else involved (including their mental well being) is paramount to me. I feel that everyone should be able to walk away from a scene without lasting effects.
Will you have any toy I request?
Possibly. My collection is my personal collection and is for my entertainment. If there is a specific thing you’d like the only way to ensure that it will be present is to supply it.
Can I make an outfit request?
It depends on my mood, my plans and what the request is. I can’t promise I can meet every request.
Will you go out with me to dinner/lunch/drinks?
Outside of a session? Generally, no. When you ask this I am assuming that you are attempting to alter the nature of our relationship. If we have a clearly defined dynamic, I may be comfortable doing this but only in the context of a session. If we have scheduled something lengthy, I would be delighted to go out with you.
Can I be your personal slave?
No. When you offer this unprompted it comes across as though you are being disrespectful of the energy that I am putting into you and our dynamic. If we have a long term relationship and I may allow you to do things for me but it will always be at my convenience. Keep in mind, I will always be the one to ask. I am running the show here.