how to be a dominatrix

Guide to Urethral Sounding

Seatlte Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls Latex Medical Fetish Mistress, Expert on Urethral Sounding

Urethral Sounding is a very popular medfet activity and due to its popularity in videos, its something that many people are curious about. The first question I am always asked is “does it hurt?” The answer should be “no!” As long as you use the appropriate lube, correct angle, adequate technique, good instruments and everything is sanitary- Sounding should NOT be painful. For that matter, catheterization really shouldn’t be either but plastic is harder to work with than metal but I digress. That’s why I threw away all of my silicone sounds.

In my opinion, soft skills like power exchange and humiliation play are much harder to master than hard skills like urethra sounding. This is because there is a simple set of rules and guidelines you can follow to achieve your goal. With soft skills, it gets a bit trickier. Let’s start with what you absolutely need to have in order to actually do urethral sounding- The gear.

The Gear for Urethral Sounding

What Urethral Sounds Should I Buy?

There are many models of sounds. For beginners, I recommend Double Ended Pratt urethra Sounds or Double Ended Hegar urethra sounds.  Rolled steel sounds are best, they are more expensive but they will last longer and you can run them through an autoclave or boil them. Sounds come either millimeters or french for sizing purposes. 1 mm is 3 fr. So a 6mm sound is also an 18fr. Typically sounds come in kits unless you are buying an unusual style but I wouldn’t recommend starting with that.

Individually Packaged Sterile Lube

Why individually packaged surgical lube? Simple. Once you open it, it is no longer sterile. That’s fine for other play but with sounding. You want to maintain as clean of a field as possible. Pretend that you are playing surgeon. When I am doing a sounding scene, I pay attention to order of operations- If there is any butt stuff, that comes last.


Cleaning Your urethral Sounds

The traditional way is boiling them or running them through an autoclave if you have it.
You want to have medical grade sealing sterilization pouches that fit your sounds, pop them in and boil them for at least 20 minutes.
Once they are done cooking, do not remove them from the package until you are ready to use them because you will break the sterile field.
However, many sounds are only coated and not solid pure steel and boiling breaks down the coating. If you aren’t sure of the quality of your sounds or you don’t have sealed medical packets to sterilize your sounds in, wipe them down with a medical grade cleaner like cavicide. However, you need to make absolutely sure to completely remove and clean the disinfectant off before use as it is harmful to humans and even melts plastics! 

Prepping for Urethral Sounding

Always inspect your sounds for any rust, degradation, cracks or rough spots before use. These cosmetic issues can be a home for bacteria or worse, cut your partner’s intimate parts during play. You definitely don’t want that! Before using my sounds,  I make sure that I have grabbed my lube packets, BZK or alcohol wipes and have wiped down a surface to hold all my things. (Medical trays or tables work well.)
If I haven’t used the boiling method, I will wipe my sounds down with alcohol or BZK if they have not been boiled and I repeat the process with my gloves and the urethra. (Pro tip: BZK doesn’t sting. But make sure to check the expiration date on anything you use, including lube.) Allow time for the solution to dry, this is how most sanitizers kill bacteria and viruses.

Beginning with Urethral Sounding

Urethral sounding is pretty straightforward. You want to match the size of the rod to the hole of the urethra, going larger means it won’t fit and too small runs the risk of scratching or puncturing the wall so it has to be just right. You are better going too large than too small though. By holding the tip of a sound near the opening to the urethra, you can guess the size.
In order to sound someone, you want to lubricate the sound, being careful to not allow the open part of the lube packet or the sound to touch other surfaces and once your sound is out of the sterile packet, you cannot set it down or touch past the handle or outside the center (depending on the type.) Don’t worry, this is the most difficult part.

Allow the Weight of the Urethral Sound to Carry it

Once your sound is lubricated, align it with the urethra and allow the weight of the sound to slowly pull it in while you gently hold the base of the penis to prevent bending (if your partner has one.) Be careful to not lose your grip or let go, as you may end up with the sound completely lost (it is retrievable but you want to avoid this.) Ask if there is ANY discomfort, burning, stretching, poking, if it hurts or feels wrong. Also look for any redness, signs of inflammation (redness or swelling,) and of course, bleeding. If all is good, then you’re good to go. Sometimes folks can have a reaction to the lube so it’s good to have a couple brand choices and/or different batch on hand. Or it may just be too inflammatory for someone that day or entirely. Everyone’s body is different and the worst thing you can do with something delicate is force it to happen. Same with fisting.

Now that your sound is comfortably inside, you can glide it in and out! Feel free to experiment with different shapes and types of sounds. One of my favorite shops is The Chain Gang. They have some great guides and typically offer much higher quality toys than you’ll run into on Amazon or your average BDSM shop as they are a specialty store.
Good luck and have fun!

Still curious? Feel free to contact me!

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How Do I find a Dominatrix near me?

Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls wears galaxy print latex dress and fetish boots, meet a dominatrix near you

How do I find a dominatrix?

I am often asked the question “how do I meet a dominatrix?” or “how do I find a dominatrix near me?” Having my location obviously posted, I find these questions a little confusing. Why would someone ask me of all people to help find a Dominatrix near them? I’ve done several YouTube videos, one of which has over 5 million views, so it makes sense to ask me even if I’m just a Seattle Dominatrix.

Why meet a professional Dominatrix anyway?

There are many reasons why you should meet a professional Dominatrix over someone who is purely lifestyle, the number one reason being that we are professionals. Being professional means that:

  • We are highly skilled in the art of BDSM, very accepting and have a lot of experience. As such you are less likely to get hurt and more likely to have a great time.
  • We have awesome dungeons because we’re more invested and our toy collections are very impressive. Why wouldn’t we be the ideal BDSM date?
  • Most importantly.. We are No drama. When the scene ends, we aren’t going to pull a Fatal Attraction on you. We want to keep this arrangement as relaxed and carefree as you do. 

How do I find a dominatrix near me?

Well, that’s why you’re here isn’t it? You have probably taken some missteps along the way, maybe you’ve fallen for a scam. Here is my order of preference to help you meet a dominatrix near you.

  • Use google. Terms like “dominatrix in Seattle”, “local Dominatrix”, “Seattle mistress”, “dominatrix near me” or “seattle dominatrix”. But replace Seattle with your city or state. You will find at least one website.
  • Browse Adult Ads. Sites like Eros or Tryst are great are pretty reputable.
  • Social media alone is Dodgy. Use social media to verify an ad or a website is real. If someone contacts you via social media, they are fake.
  • Do your own research. Research should mean connecting information you find. Make sure an Instagram profile is linked on a website. Check the age of that website on wayback machine to make sure it isn’t a fake of another website. Reverse image search images.
  • Here are some tips. Google the name, number and email you find. What does it pull up? Does it match other information? Is it blank? If it all matches other information, she’s probably legit.

Where do I not find a local Dominatrix?


Catfish love to pretend to be professional mistresses, they frequent the following and will approach you first. Remember, if it seems to go to be true, it probably is.

  • Fetish Dating Sites
  • Social Media (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Reddit)
  • Dominatrix Dating Sites
  • Messenger Apps (Snapchat, WhatsApp, Discord, Signal, Telegram)
  • Any Dating Site
  • Kink Specific Apps

A scammer will contact you first from these methods. They will message you a lot and it will seem ideal but there will be some red flags like they will have a payment method that goes to a man or will only take BTC. Use reverse Google image search on the photos they send. Always.
Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way..

How do I book a BDSM session with a Dominatrix?


Most Dominatrixes have websites. READ THEM. We have specific contact instructions and screening. Follow our rules and you will be rewarded. Typically we will ask you to contact us via our contact forms or email. Text is for those who know us and have established relationships or for last minute instructions. Calling without being given permission or instruction to do so will annoy us. Doing anything outside of our instructions that is more convenient for you than it is for us will annoy us. Think about how you would make a good impression for a first time job interview, you would not expect the other person to jump through hoops for you. Do not expect a Dominatrix to jump through hoops for you either. Approach with respect and be courteous. You do not have to go overboard but simple things like reading do’s and don’t beforehand can go a long way.

How do I make a good impression?

  • follow all her rules
  • Don’t ask too many questions, particularly if they are already answered on her website.
  • Ask questions that are relevant and present yourself honestly.
  • Understand that time is money for everyone. Approaching a Mistress is all about respect. If your initial approach involves many asks, compensating for that shows that you are going the extra mile to be respectful.
  • Use the right method to contact her. Be it a booking form, professional email or otherwise.

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Gear Update: Erostek ET312B and Estim 2b

At long last, another gear update! This time… A shocking one. (So punny..) But seriously, I have added the now discontinued Erostek ET312B and the Estim 2B plus a large collection of addons. Everything from CBT, wartenberg wheels, sounds, probes, butt plugs, clips and more! Are you excited yet?

About the ET312B

Erostek is the king of Estim. Their ET312B has been produced since 1999 and has been beloved by kinksters, reproduced, tinkered with and it is a loss that they are no longer in production. If you have the opportunity to get your hands on one like I did, jump on it. With a little luck they may come back into production in some form but if you’ve wanted one, don’t miss your chance. Erostek offers information and parts for current owners. So they are repairable and reliable.

About the 2B Power Pack

The 2B is the only power unit I have used that compares favorably to the venerable ET312B. The 2B’s smaller form factor makes it a great portable that literally jumps to life when powered by the included AC adapter. 

highly recommend this power unit. Those of you who have been following us know this is the first power unit we’ve ever offered by another manufacturer. The 2B caught me by surprise – in a good way. 

– Erostek.com 

Does this mean the 2B is the new king on the electro scene? You’ll have to be the judge.

Comment and tell me what your favorite estim power box and/or attachments are!

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Cut Lineup | A Dominatrix Guesses Who’s a Virgin

Cut Lineup | Dominatrix Guesses Who's a Virgin

It’s been a while since I did a Cut video! They were nice enough to invite me back to guess who is a virgin. I wanted to make a point of guessing who I thought was going to be the “obvious” choice with the intent of highlighting how cultural biases are often incorrect. I hope you enjoy the video as much as I did when filming it!

Watch the video here!

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10 Essential BDSM Toys for Beginners

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Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. I wanted to share my favorite BDSM toys and gear I think is essential for any kit in an easy format. Whether you are a domestic dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit, this list is for you.

  1. Strap on harness

Every dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning dominatrix you might think “I will get a kit” but that is a mistake. Strap on kits usually come with a nylon strap harness and dildos that are so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best but my favorite is The Jag by Aslan Leathers I like thong harnesses that can be converted and the leather is treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time.

  1. Dildos

It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantus has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes.

  1. Restraints

 Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a leather fan, or perhaps you enjoy the art of rope bondage. For those who are first exploring bondage, I have enjoyed Hemp Rope by Twisted Monk. It’s more expensive than what you will find at a hardware store but also more versatile. For example, you can use rope to tie a set of handcuffs or a create a cuff that you can attach anywhere. I began with rope and still find its meditative process to be grounding and a great way of building energy and anticipation within the scene.

  1. Impact Toys

Everyone loves the mental image of the dominatrix with the whip, right? It’s classic and unforgettable. However, learning to use a whip takes a lot of practice. I suggest starting with something like a riding crop, paddle or flogger first. I love Cane-iac for their creativity with unusual materials and their superb execution of the classics (like a cane, for example.)

  1. Sensory play Toys

Oooh, sensory play. There are so many different ways you can take this- Pokey toys, soft floggers, electro play… It all depends on the vibe of the scene. Sensory play increases suspense when you use it to build a scene or it can push the experience over the top. You can’t go wrong with a wartenberg wheel, honestly. I like playing the game of keeping myself to oe random toy and seeing how much I can do with it.

  1. Hoods/Blindfolds

Hoods and such aren’t for everyone, some people feel very claustrophobic in them but I think they are a great tool to have in your tool kit. You can surprise someone with sensations or take complete control of them. Personally, I like hoods with the mouth exposed like the Cocksucker Hood by Mr S but in a pinch an eye mask for sleeping is great.

  1. Nipple play 

Surprisingly, many don’t know about the benefits of exploring nipple play- They are an unfortunately overlooked erogenous zone. I like to warm up with plastic clothes pins which are easily cleanable. If you want to leave the realm of sensory exploration, you can make them squirm with a strong set of clover clamps.

  1. Gags  

Are they too noisy? Plug their mouth with a gag to really make them feel helpless! I like ball gags personally but a good dental gag or even a ring gag has a place in my dungeon. I love versatility in all my toys so I find that the options provided by Bondage Webbing to be a perfect fit.

  1. Paddles

How will they know that you mean business unless you can really give them a good, hard spanking? I prefer paddles from Cane-iac. They have a variety of paddles in many different kinds of wood (yes that makes a difference. Let’s say it “hits different.”) More importantly, I’m yet to break one of their products. Save for canes, of course.

  1. A collar 

Lead them around and help them find sub space by locking a collar on. Many subs have told me how a collar has a been emotional impact on them, why not use that power to control them and pull them exactly into the headspace that you want? A formal leather slave collar is wonderful but so is a dog collar. What is your preference? I think quality is very important, so one of my favorite stores is Leather By Danny. You may recognize many of the designs there, now you have found the original source of the creativity.

Image by Tantus

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The Ultimate Femdom Gift Giving Guide

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What is the ultimate slave task? Understanding your Mistress. Think of your research into her/their preferences as slave training. Are you trying to impress your Mistress? Make her happy? GOOD. That is exactly what you should be doing as her loyal servant. A birthday shouldn’t pass without you celebrating with your Mistress. 

I’m turning 30 in the middle of April so I decided to create an easy guide for my loyal subs to find me a gift that we both will enjoy.

As with all gift giving, you should ask yourself “is this for them or is it for me?” The latter is fine but you should acknowledge that you are giving them a gift for you rather than investigating what they might want. If you want to knock it out of the ballpark, your best methods for success are research and paying attention. I think that successful gifting is based on how well you know someone’s love language which relates to their gift preferences.

  1. Service

Does your dominant talk about wanting to be able to do something or have something done but they don’t have the bandwidth, time or energy to do it themselves? Easy. If you can make it happen for them, do so. Ask questions if you aren’t sure of something. A great example of this is The Garden Path that one of my subs commissioned for me on my birthday a few years ago. I enjoy it immensely and it was one of the best gifts I’ve gotten.

  1. Something Useful

Everyone loves having that magic thing that fills a hole in their life or solves a problem, maybe one they didn’t know they had. In order to achieve this, you must know them well. A great example from my life is receiving a very nice set of knives when I started cooking. I didn’t know how amazing good knives are compared to the crappy ones I was using.

  1. Something Practical

Finding something practical that someone needs or wants is a pretty easy gifting opportunity and they will think of you whenever they use it. I have gotten tennis shoes, a sofa, clothes, kitchen items, things for my cats, gift cards that enabled me to complete a project or simply enjoy something. 

  1. Luxury Items

I feel that anything outside of the realm of what someone will normally spend on themselves is a luxury gift.Or an upgrade to something they already have. You usually have to ask or do research but it can be immensely exciting to get a gift that you wouldn’t buy for yourself. I’ve received jewelry, shoes, lingerie, dungeon furniture and a NAS set up to backup all my media.

  1. An Experience 

Do they talk about wanting to go somewhere or do something? Perfect! Whether it’s a trip to the spa or a trip to the beach, experiences are precious and the memory doesn’t fade. I’ve been taken on trips, taken to events, done crazy things and had my spa trips paid for. Big or small, I’ve loved every experience.

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Kink Influences

If you know me, it’s no secret that I’ve been kinky effectively since I could walk. Previously, I’ve just accepted this as my reality and left it at that but recently I’ve begun thinking about my influences and how they shaped who I am and what I like. Today I’m going to share a few of my influences and what I liked about them.

Xenia Onatopp

Have you watched Golden Eye? It was my favorite movie for years, starting with the first time I ever watched it when I was probably 4 or 5. I’m not sure why my parents even let me watch James Bond movies but they did and I was enthralled. I didn’t really give a shit about the violence in fact I barely noticed it, what I did notice was Xenia Onatopp killing people with her thighs and Natalya Simonova’s super sexy accent. In fact I liked Xenia so much that I used to put other kids in scissor grips with my legs because I thought it was awesome to have that much control over someone. (Several of my middle school friends will attest to this.) I believe I also begged my mom to let me take a Russian class almost immediately after I saw Golden Eye. 

Strangely enough, the connection between my obsession with scissor grips/breath control and sexual excitement only recently surfaced for me. I have no idea why it took so long for me to become aware of it because it’s extremely obvious now.

I think it was the display of power that I was so attracted to; Xenia lures men into a place where they think they’re safe and in control (typically, they would be right as men are often the dominant players in sexual interactions) and then she absolutely turns the tables on them when not only are they least expecting it but they’ve let their guard down. I love the trickery and seduction that is put into such an interaction and I love that she gets off on it even more. In retrospect, I think what really stood out to me about Xenia was that she was a woman; Previously I had only seen men get off on taking control and power.

Xena the Warrior Princess

Okay so, Xena is really campy, I’ll admit that. However, that doesn’t make Xena any less powerful in her world; She kicks ass with reckless abandon, travels on her own, saves men and women from bad guys and seduces men to get what she wants. (Obviously, there is going to be a theme of women using their sexuality to control men here and that says a lot about me.) GO AHEAD, tell me that isn’t empowering?! Sure, she’s a sex object but she chooses to be a sex object because wearing leather is badass and being sexy while you kill demons is fucking cool. I think she only gets saved by a man once or twice and then she almost immediately turns the tables and saves them from an even worse fate. I’m sure I could find many flaws in Xena and probably rip her power to shreds but when I first saw her, that was not what I was thinking about. Honestly, I was too busy being in awe of her kicking ass and taking names in a metal push up bra at the tender age of 6.

Birdy the Mighty

This one is a little obscure, so I’ll explain who Birdy is.

Birdy the Mighty is an anime about a spandex clad alien super heroine federal space officer from outer space who accidentally kills a teenage boy and then is forced to share a body with him. (And let the lulz ensue.) The show follows Birdy fighting crime (aka fucked up aliens) and protecting the boy in many instances (some of which she’s naked in) and teaching the boy to be a better person. Although I’m pretty sure after the first two episodes it gets really shitty and awful… Those are absolutely not part of my scope of memory though as I didn’t discover them until about a year ago.

So anyways, Birdy is another powerful female character (at least she was in the first couple of episodes) who is oozing sexuality. Although she doesn’t really directly use it in the show, it’s more of a tool to draw in the viewer. 

Some Crazy Furry Porn I Found Online

I wish I could remember the name of the artist of the crazy furry porn my best friend and I found on Neopets when we were 10 or 11. Unfortunately, I haven’t really looked at it since then and the only things I remember were that the artist always drew wolves and she called her boyfriend “Dirtbag” and often drew him all tied up and tortured.  

Quite honestly, half wolf half people tied up and experiencing CBT blew me the fuck away when I was 10. (Not that I knew any 10 year olds who wouldn’t be blown away by it…) Really though, the weird part was just that they were wolves. No, seriously. Something about the BDSM elements just clicked with me; I remember thinking “Well of course he’s tied up. That’s what you do to boys when they’re bad and messing with their penises.” Boy oh boy what the fuck does that say about me? I’m not sure I want to know..

What This Shit Says About Me

First and foremost, I’m fucking weird.
I think I must have found bondage pictures some where when I was a kid because I was forever trying to figure out how to tie up a Barbie with a hog tie (it’s really hard, guys) and when I finally became aware that BDSM was a thing people did, I already knew two and single column ties as well as diamond harnesses and chest harnesses. I’m confident that my preoccupation with power and control is largely influenced by the media I’ve talked about in this post but there’s some information that I just really have no idea where it came from. What I do know is that my biggest fetish is absolutely power exchange and everything that I’m interested in seems to become vastly more interesting when I realize that there’s a power element. Given the influences that I have, that absolutely makes sense.

So I guess the moral of the story is if you don’t want your children to grow up to be kinksters, don’t let them look at BDSM furry porn on the internet. Or Animal Planet, that was bad for me too.

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Some Thoughts on Inner Strength and Pro-Domme

I love my job. There’s such a thrill that comes along with meeting someone new and unknown for bdsm play. What role will he want to play? Will he like me? Will we get along? Will we connect well during play? It completes me like nothing else but it is a hardship at times. To be a dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort or any other kind of sex worker takes the strength to take on the deepest desires and darkest fantasies of a stranger and to make their wildest dreams come true without devaluing, compromising and destroying yourself. to do that well takes an immense amount of strength and the willingness to be vulnerable.
Let me get one thing straight, I am not being paid to be a hole. I am being paid to be myself and use my own passions to make the fantasies of others come true. By coming out and saying “this is who I am. I’m kinky as hell, I like watching others enjoy themselves and even though we don’t know if we have chemistry, I’m willing to accept money to meet you and take the chance that you aren’t going to rape, kill, stalk, harass or otherwise try to hurt me.”
Every part of that statement is a challenge in and of itself and on a day to day basis I don’t know how I manage to trust the world so much to accept so much of who I am and more surprisingly still, to want to spend time with me so badly that they’ll pay me for the experience.
The days that I expose the most of myself are the days that I excel the most and the days that my clients and friends enjoy the most and knowing that gives me the strength to keep allowing new people to see very intimate sides of me.
Who am I intimately anyways? We all wear disguises in some shape so that we can avoid being hurt but what kind of things are lurking underneath that?

On the exterior, I’m strong, I’m focused but goofy, I’m eager to watch other enjoy themselves and sometimes off the cuff things fall out of my mouth.
Under that… I like causing pain and I love watching people want me.. desire my touch and crave more of me. But it’s complicated because although I love to please, I love to deny even more. To watch my victim squirm uncomfortably with delight and disappointment. Sometimes it’s hard to keep them on the hook after saying no but that’s my favorite part.
Sometimes, I’m insecure like most people. I fear that I’m over valuing myself and driving other away because of that. I’m worried that I’m not good enough, skilled enough, competent enough or intelligent enough to pull off the plans I’m trying to release to the world. Although I have this uncanny ability to just make things work and some weird sort of luck/magic seems to follow me where ever I go. Maybe I’m just really good at handling crisis/stressful situations. That must be it; Sometimes I act like a total tit in a social situation and I shove my foot in my mouth while being a complete ass. Sometimes literally. Yet I manage to be suave enough to not absolutely abhor most people. Despite the fact that these situations I create embarrass and horrify me, I can’t seem to stop doing them. Regardless of whether or not I’ve had something to drink.

Deepest of all… I’m afraid that I’ll become a spinster who gets emotional and social fixes from work instead of reaching out to other people. Work is easier. Want to know why? I know the other people involved like me, at least a bit. If they don’t, I don’t hear from them and that’s that. Rejection is scary because still at some base level, my value as a person is tied up in the approval of others.
But you know what? It doesn’t have to be. I’m imperfect and I’m okay with that.

What really counts? I try. I give life and experiences as much as I can and then I push myself a little bit harder and that makes me proud, even when I fail miserably.

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