Advice, Thoughts & General Opinions

My name is Ruby Enraylls and I am a Seattle dominatrix. I used to write frequently but occasionally fall out of practice. This is my sounding board to the world, I would love it if you took a brief listen.
Some topics I like to discuss are:
The BDSM scene in Seattle
The Sex worker scene in Seattle
Human rights
Logic
Hacking, Infosec and geekery
Beauty products
Relationships and polyamory
Philosophical reasoning for human behavior
Mental, emotional and behavioral mapping of people
Things that bother me
Things I like
And much more!

A Dominatrix Guesses Who’s a Virgin

It’s been a while since I did a Cut video! They were nice enough to invite me back to guess who is a virgin. I wanted to make a point of guessing who I thought was going to be the “obvious” choice with the intent of highlighting how cultural biases are often incorrect. I hope you enjoy the video as much as I did when filming it!

10 Essential BDSM Toys for Beginners

Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. I wanted to share my favorite BDSM toys and gear I think is essential for any kit in an easy format. Whether you are a domestic dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit, this list is for you. Strap on harness Every dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning dominatrix you might think “I will get a kit” but that is a mistake. Strap on kits usually come with a nylon strap harness and dildos that are so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best but my favorite is The Jag by Aslan Leathers I like thong harnesses that can be converted and the leather is treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time. Dildos It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantus has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes. Restraints  Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a …

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The Ultimate Femdom Gift Giving Guide

What is the ultimate slave task? Understanding your Mistress. Think of your research into her/their preferences as slave training. Are you trying to impress your Mistress? Make her happy? GOOD. That is exactly what you should be doing as her loyal servant. A birthday shouldn’t pass without you celebrating with your Mistress.  I’m turning 30 in the middle of April so I decided to create an easy guide for my loyal subs to find me a gift that we both will enjoy. As with all gift giving, you should ask yourself “is this for them or is it for me?” The latter is fine but you should acknowledge that you are giving them a gift for you rather than investigating what they might want. If you want to knock it out of the ballpark, your best methods for success are research and paying attention. I think that successful gifting is based on how well you know someone’s love language which relates to their gift preferences. Service Does your dominant talk about wanting to be able to do something or have something done but they don’t have the bandwidth, time or energy to do it themselves? Easy. If you can make it happen for them, do so. Ask questions if you aren’t sure of something. A great example of this is The Garden Path that one of my subs commissioned for me on my birthday a few years ago. I enjoy it immensely and it was one of the best gifts I’ve …

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Blog: A Dominatrix Guesses Strangers Kinks (Ruby)

Something like six months ago I was in a series couple of videos titled A Dominatrix Guesses Strangers Kinks and Guess My Kink Lineup by Cut. They were created by a Youtube studio called Cut that creates content that creates funny, entertaining, prankish and oddly bias challenging videos. When one of the reps contacted me to do the video, I felt comfortable working with them having had done a couple videos before but I had no idea what to expect this time around nor did I have any idea what would happen as a result of the videos being published. “Guess My Kink” sounded like a game that I could win, so I was game. What I wasn’t prepared for was the emotional impact it would have on me. During the filming, we had time to connect with each other but the initial camera time I was very off kilter- I was in a room by myself and had no opportunity to connect with anyone. (Although I did make friends with several people after the fact.) It was unlike any time I had been on set because I had been completely alone prior and didn’t know anyone. I know that was part of the point but it was quite unnerving. Once I stepped on to the set, I had to instantly turn on into my normal mode but it wasn’t quite right. I often play a game of a dominatrix guesses strangers kinks as a party trick or just as …

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Blog: You’re Not Alone

The holidays impact everyone differently: Some people go into a manic holiday cheer, others wander aimlessly through the swathes of people contemplating their own demise through pounds of festive treats and spiced booze. Personally, I vacillate but I see it all in my friends and my play partners and people tend to be very forthcoming with their feelings during the holidays. It’s interesting what people will tell you and how that makes you think about yourself. Recently someone was talking to me about the shame involved in their own kink and it made me think about how ashamed and alone I felt when I was first officially starting out in kink- No one in my friends circle understood me and I ended up being an outcast because I was kinky. There are a lot of complicated things that led up to that being factually true but let’s just say that and leave it at that. I had never felt like an outcast or a reject before but I did then and some part of me still does, it’s hard to shake. It impacts you pretty deeply when people reject or abandon you for some reason and when it’s because you’re different, it stings. Because of this, whenever someone tells me they fear being rejected I want to tell them they won’t be by me, that they aren’t alone. If someone does reject them it’s not about them but the hang ups of whoever is rejecting them and that it doesn’t …

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BDSM Advice: The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Pee

The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Urine Welcome to the Ultimate Guide for Drinking Urine! Clearly I have piqued your curiosity, so here I am going to outline the risks associated with drinking urine and how to avoid them with an eye towards safely receiving your mistress’ gifts. It is very safe to drink your own urine but there are some minor safety concerns involved in drinking another person’s urine. In most healthy people urine is sterile and free of harmful bacteria, viruses, or other substances. Let’s dive in and talk about the details. Why do people want to drink urine? Drinking urine is a very primal thing. Often times it is tied to desires of being a human toilet. Assuming something that has passed through someone else’s body and been prepared especially for you makes you feel closer to them. Water is a substance that is central to life and you are getting it from your partner. At the same time it carries overtones of dominance, submission, and ownership. Urine is used to mark things as property. While we are not wild animals it is hard to escape the idea that something we have urinated on or in belongs to us. It is something very primal and deeply encoded. It also carries a mark of humiliation in that you are being treated as property. You become a toilet. It is a complex interplay of feelings and associations that can be quite strong. Is it safe? For the most part yes. …

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watersports human toilet

Contrary to Popular Opinion

There seems to be a lot of debate about whether or not to punish people who commit social “crimes” in the community right now. Personally, I’m of the mindset that if a legal court and thousands of highly educated minds can’t come up with a good solution for the problem of consent violation then a secret committee of kinky people in Seattle certainly have no hope of finding a solution. I have prided myself on my delusions of grandeur in the past but even I’m not so narcissistic that I hold the belief that I have a one size fits all solution to consent- I will be the first person to point out how absolutely bonkers I am and by the same coin, make no mistake that my statement is meant to insult and humiliate. From where I’m standing, which is on both sides of the issue, anyone who is acting hypocritically should be made aware of that and should be embarrassed about their conduct- I know I was when I made the same mistake last summer. Let’s be clear here for a second though, everyone who has done any topping in the kink community is guilty of multiple felonies. If you’re going to put one person’s actions under a fine microscope and make connections to crimes that cannot be tried in a court of law you should expect that same treatment in return. So let’s knock out a couple definitions here in Washington state: RCW 9A.36.011 Assault in the …

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Consent Violation Accusation: The Big Red C

I have violated the consent of others, likely so have you. I am an edge player, that means I coax my bottoms to test their own limits- I do not test them but I give them the opportunity to test themselves and the only guidelines I have for this are what my bottoms tell me is and isn’t okay: Verbally and otherwise. I choose to believe that people are responsible for themselves and their actions. That being said, I am incredibly manipulative and I’m pretty sure I could convince people to change some pretty fundamental things about themselves. I like to break the rules, especially ones that I think give us a false sense of security: In the sex work community this means to always use references- I did that once and he was a man who nearly killed a woman in Texas. Of course he was. Why would a predator not have good references? Sadly, that is just assuming the best case scenario which would be that people are completely predictable and never change their behavior or attitude with a change of company; I would be a fool to believe that for a second. When it comes to negotiation I almost never do it in such a way that anyone else would recognize as anything more than a conversation or a sharing of stories; In my professional and personal play, I rarely ask for hard limits in a direct, verbal and concise way but I do ask. Just not …

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A Response to a Complaint

What the f is going on with prices I’m not complaining really but holy shit, $300-$400 for an hour and no bbj or dato or daty Some of you providers are fucking smoking something! Oh ya, no reviews on some of them, just crazy That does actually sound like you’re complaining, at least a little. That being said, I know how frustrating it can be to want something out of your budget but that isn’t a reason to insult someone over it. Folks will set their rates at whatever works for them, if they are getting calls then it’s working. If not, maybe they’ll adjust their rates. Insofar as activities go, would you rather have a provider do something she isn’t into at all or have someone who is having a blast and enjoys her sessions? In saying ladies should offer particular things you run the risk of having a meh session with someone who isn’t into it. Personally, I think that’s worse than being told no but maybe I’m missing something. I think it would be great if we stopped posting lamenting threads like this in favor of encouraging ladies to offer what they enjoy. It would set a good precedent for everyone. That being said, I would be surprised if that ever happened. Until then, hooray for mediocrity! So, I’m kind of on the fence with this. I think often price =\= quality in this world but that still doesn’t mean it’s cool to knock the prices a …

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