How to Guides

10 Essential BDSM Toys for Beginners

Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. I wanted to share my favorite BDSM toys and gear I think is essential for any kit in an easy format. Whether you are a domestic dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit, this list is for you.

  1. Strap on harness

Every dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning dominatrix you might think “I will get a kit” but that is a mistake. Strap on kits usually come with a nylon strap harness and dildos that are so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best but my favorite is The Jag by Aslan Leathers I like thong harnesses that can be converted and the leather is treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time.

  1. Dildos

It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantus has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes.

  1. Restraints

 Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a leather fan, or perhaps you enjoy the art of rope bondage. For those who are first exploring bondage, I have enjoyed Hemp Rope by Twisted Monk. It’s more expensive than what you will find at a hardware store but also more versatile. For example, you can use rope to tie a set of handcuffs or a create a cuff that you can attach anywhere. I began with rope and still find its meditative process to be grounding and a great way of building energy and anticipation within the scene.

  1. Impact Toys

Everyone loves the mental image of the dominatrix with the whip, right? It’s classic and unforgettable. However, learning to use a whip takes a lot of practice. I suggest starting with something like a riding crop, paddle or flogger first. I love Cane-iac for their creativity with unusual materials and their superb execution of the classics (like a cane, for example.)

  1. Sensory play Toys

Oooh, sensory play. There are so many different ways you can take this- Pokey toys, soft floggers, electro play… It all depends on the vibe of the scene. Sensory play increases suspense when you use it to build a scene or it can push the experience over the top. You can’t go wrong with a wartenberg wheel, honestly. I like playing the game of keeping myself to oe random toy and seeing how much I can do with it.

  1. Hoods/Blindfolds

Hoods and such aren’t for everyone, some people feel very claustrophobic in them but I think they are a great tool to have in your tool kit. You can surprise someone with sensations or take complete control of them. Personally, I like hoods with the mouth exposed like the Cocksucker Hood by Mr S but in a pinch an eye mask for sleeping is great.

  1. Nipple play 

Surprisingly, many don’t know about the benefits of exploring nipple play- They are an unfortunately overlooked erogenous zone. I like to warm up with plastic clothes pins which are easily cleanable. If you want to leave the realm of sensory exploration, you can make them squirm with a strong set of clover clamps.

  1. Gags  

Are they too noisy? Plug their mouth with a gag to really make them feel helpless! I like ball gags personally but a good dental gag or even a ring gag has a place in my dungeon. I love versatility in all my toys so I find that the options provided by Bondage Webbing to be a perfect fit.

  1. Paddles

How will they know that you mean business unless you can really give them a good, hard spanking? I prefer paddles from Cane-iac. They have a variety of paddles in many different kinds of wood (yes that makes a difference. Let’s say it “hits different.”) More importantly, I’m yet to break one of their products. Save for canes, of course.

  1. A collar 

Lead them around and help them find sub space by locking a collar on. Many subs have told me how a collar has a been emotional impact on them, why not use that power to control them and pull them exactly into the headspace that you want? A formal leather slave collar is wonderful but so is a dog collar. What is your preference? I think quality is very important, so one of my favorite stores is Leather By Danny. You may recognize many of the designs there, now you have found the original source of the creativity.

Image by Tantus

How to Size a Chastity Cage

Seattle chastity mistress

There are so many different types of chastity cages to choose from, making a selection sometimes seems impossible. There are many different styles, materials, shapes, you name it! Which one is right for you? Hopefully I can shed some light on how to purchase a chastity device that will work for you by illuminating some critical consideration points.

Before we start with sizing we need to consider how you’ll use this device. Are you going to be locked up for an hour while you go out and get groceries for your Mistress? Is it a night of chastity for you, lucky boy? Perhaps something more long term like a week of being locked in your cage. Maybe something more intense still like a long term chastity contract that spans weeks, months or if you’re really lucky, years. Each duration has different considerations to make with the fit, sizing, materials and even locking devices.

Let’s start out with the basics

How to Size a Chastity Cage

How to Measure for a Chastity Device

Where do you need to measure for fitting a chastity device?

  1. The circumference of the shaft of the penis
  2. The length of the penis
  3. The circumference of the entire genital (below the base of the penis and the testicles)

You must take these measurements while your penis is soft then repeat them when it is erect to get adequate sizing.

The sizing for most chastity cages or devices tends to come in MM so convert your measurements into MM using Google.

How to Fit a Chastity Device Properly

Many basic devices offer a variety of different sizes of base rings (the ring that goes around the entirety of your genitalia.) This ring holds your chastity device in place and prevents it from falling off. Before purchasing a device take a piece of string the same length as one of the rings you are considering and feel how it feels tied around the base of your penis. This should give you an idea of the fit in that department.

As far as length, try to find a middle ground between your length when soft and when hard. However, that is kind of up to your discretion. Do you want that classic feeling of being cramped and unable to get erect? Lean closer to your soft measurement. Need more room for longer term wear? Go somewhere in the middle or go with the full length if possible.

Picking the right material is mostly a weight issue or a customization question. Do you like the weight of metal or do you not mind the extra effort to put on plastic? Silicone is easy in all of these areas but not secure. 3D printed is highly customized, covers all the bases but expensive and not good as a first choice.

As far as locks the biggest question is how trustworthy are you? Metal locks provide that extra security plus the classic literal keyholder element. The numbered plastic locks can be removed and put back on be crafty subs (for that matter the plastic cages can be broken with enough force.) So metal can’t be beaten in that regard (for the really enthusiastic chastity players you can find some pretty intense full metal belts.) However, is your chastity sub going through lots of airport security or is there another reason they might need to remove it? Bluetooth unlocking options such as apps are a great option. Bluetooth luggage locks are fun too but they can’t get wet. All of these are fun options with long distance training.

At the end of the day, trust is always a huge part of any type of play. Being kept in line or keeping someone in line is critical but a struggle loses it’s charm. 😉

Examples of Different Chastity Devices

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Different Styles of Chastity Cages

Your basic styles are the same: A place to put your penis and some type of ring that holds the cage securely in place. However what tends to vary is how the device goes on, how snugly it fits and how easy it is to put on. The devices with hinged rings are super easy to put on but not good for long term wear as they press. The metal tubes can be bulky and if the ring is the wrong size it can be difficult if not impossible to fit all your gear inside. The plastic devices are also difficult to put on at first and usually require lubricant or the aid of a q-tip. I wouldn’t recommend wearing a sound for long periods at all.

Chastity in Summary

Everything is customized to your fit, read descriptions, look at reviews and always measure first. It takes trial and error to get the right fit, I wouldn’t recommend getting the most expensive custom cage first until you’ve tried things out a bit. That being said if you are confident that you know what you want there are many options in that direction.
However, if the cage is uncomfortable or causes any swelling, bruising, burning, tingling, numbness, cold spots or discoloration remove it immediately. Some pretty nasty things can go wrong if you aren’t careful. Luckily, in a pinch your friendly neighborhood hardware store sells bolt cutters for under 20 bucks.

I hope this has helped you make some decisions about buying your chastity device! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
If you are interested in exploring chastity, I delight in being a keyholder. Check out my page about that here!

Resources:
https://lockedinlust.com/how-to-measure/
https://www.maturemetal.com/guide-to-measuring-your-penis-for-a-chastity-device/
https://lockthecock.com/blogs/chastity-fun/choosing-the-right-one

Sizing Women’s Clothes for Sissies, Feminization & Crossdressing

womens clothing sissy size guide

All around the world, women lament the chore of trying to divinate the size of their clothes.

When trying to figure out your size in women’s clothes as a Sissy, for feminization or crossdressing it gets a bit more complicated.

0 here, 12 there, 40 over there. It makes no sense. That’s just crossing countries. Try crossing brands. If I look into my jeans drawer I can find 26, 27, 28, 29, 2, 4, 6, xx small, small, medium and one size fits all. Who could possibly figure out how to order pants when you’re coming from a world of waist by length? I guess what I’m saying here is that no brand is standard in sizing when it comes to women’s clothing and the material and cut makes a huge difference in the fit. You never really know how something will fit until you have it on but usually size guides for sites will lend some help.

The trick comes in several parts.

This is an important tool you’ll need, however.

Know your measurements
However you’re planning on dressing, you better take your bust, waist and hip. The bust is the biggest part of your chest, waist is the smallest, hip is the biggest part of your hips/butt.

For bonus points, measure your neck, around your thigh, your bicep, the width of your shoulders, the length of your arm and the length of your leg. Now you can get fitted for anything!

Read size charts
Seriously. If the site you’re ordering from doesn’t have one, try to google one for the brand. It will save you a lot of time.

Understand fabrics
The stretchier the fabric the more give it has and the more you can fudge measurements. So look at materials and Google that if you are unsure, same with reviews. Common stretchy fabric names are lycra, elastane and spandex.

Now you are all set to order some clothes! If you need some one on one consulting, feel free to contact me and I would be happy to help you.