Contrary to Popular Opinion

There seems to be a lot of debate about whether or not to punish people who commit social “crimes” in the community right now. Personally, I’m of the mindset that if a legal court and thousands of highly educated minds can’t come up with a good solution for the problem of consent violation then a secret committee of kinky people in Seattle certainly have no hope of finding a solution. I have prided myself on my delusions of grandeur in the past but even I’m not so narcissistic that I hold the belief that I have a one size fits all solution to consent- I will be the first person to point out how absolutely bonkers I am and by the same coin, make no mistake that my statement is meant to insult and humiliate. From where I’m standing, which is on both sides of the issue, anyone who is acting hypocritically should be made aware of that and should be embarrassed about their conduct- I know I was when I made the same mistake last summer. Let’s be clear here for a second though, everyone who has done any topping in the kink community is guilty of multiple felonies. If you’re going to put one person’s actions under a fine microscope and make connections to crimes that cannot be tried in a court of law you should expect that same treatment in return. So let’s knock out a couple definitions here in Washington state: RCW 9A.36.011 Assault in the …

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Consent Violation Accusation: The Big Red C

I have violated the consent of others, likely so have you. I am an edge player, that means I coax my bottoms to test their own limits- I do not test them but I give them the opportunity to test themselves and the only guidelines I have for this are what my bottoms tell me is and isn’t okay: Verbally and otherwise. I choose to believe that people are responsible for themselves and their actions. That being said, I am incredibly manipulative and I’m pretty sure I could convince people to change some pretty fundamental things about themselves. I like to break the rules, especially ones that I think give us a false sense of security: In the sex work community this means to always use references- I did that once and he was a man who nearly killed a woman in Texas. Of course he was. Why would a predator not have good references? Sadly, that is just assuming the best case scenario which would be that people are completely predictable and never change their behavior or attitude with a change of company; I would be a fool to believe that for a second. When it comes to negotiation I almost never do it in such a way that anyone else would recognize as anything more than a conversation or a sharing of stories; In my professional and personal play, I rarely ask for hard limits in a direct, verbal and concise way but I do ask. Just not …

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