Kink, BDSM & Fetish Topics

Every wondered about my opinion on something kink related?

10 Essential BDSM Toys for Beginners

Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. I wanted to share my favorite BDSM toys and gear I think is essential for any kit in an easy format. Whether you are a domestic dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit, this list is for you.

  1. Strap on harness

Every dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning dominatrix you might think “I will get a kit” but that is a mistake. Strap on kits usually come with a nylon strap harness and dildos that are so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best but my favorite is The Jag by Aslan Leathers I like thong harnesses that can be converted and the leather is treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time.

  1. Dildos

It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantus has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes.

  1. Restraints

 Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a leather fan, or perhaps you enjoy the art of rope bondage. For those who are first exploring bondage, I have enjoyed Hemp Rope by Twisted Monk. It’s more expensive than what you will find at a hardware store but also more versatile. For example, you can use rope to tie a set of handcuffs or a create a cuff that you can attach anywhere. I began with rope and still find its meditative process to be grounding and a great way of building energy and anticipation within the scene.

  1. Impact Toys

Everyone loves the mental image of the dominatrix with the whip, right? It’s classic and unforgettable. However, learning to use a whip takes a lot of practice. I suggest starting with something like a riding crop, paddle or flogger first. I love Cane-iac for their creativity with unusual materials and their superb execution of the classics (like a cane, for example.)

  1. Sensory play Toys

Oooh, sensory play. There are so many different ways you can take this- Pokey toys, soft floggers, electro play… It all depends on the vibe of the scene. Sensory play increases suspense when you use it to build a scene or it can push the experience over the top. You can’t go wrong with a wartenberg wheel, honestly. I like playing the game of keeping myself to oe random toy and seeing how much I can do with it.

  1. Hoods/Blindfolds

Hoods and such aren’t for everyone, some people feel very claustrophobic in them but I think they are a great tool to have in your tool kit. You can surprise someone with sensations or take complete control of them. Personally, I like hoods with the mouth exposed like the Cocksucker Hood by Mr S but in a pinch an eye mask for sleeping is great.

  1. Nipple play 

Surprisingly, many don’t know about the benefits of exploring nipple play- They are an unfortunately overlooked erogenous zone. I like to warm up with plastic clothes pins which are easily cleanable. If you want to leave the realm of sensory exploration, you can make them squirm with a strong set of clover clamps.

  1. Gags  

Are they too noisy? Plug their mouth with a gag to really make them feel helpless! I like ball gags personally but a good dental gag or even a ring gag has a place in my dungeon. I love versatility in all my toys so I find that the options provided by Bondage Webbing to be a perfect fit.

  1. Paddles

How will they know that you mean business unless you can really give them a good, hard spanking? I prefer paddles from Cane-iac. They have a variety of paddles in many different kinds of wood (yes that makes a difference. Let’s say it “hits different.”) More importantly, I’m yet to break one of their products. Save for canes, of course.

  1. A collar 

Lead them around and help them find sub space by locking a collar on. Many subs have told me how a collar has a been emotional impact on them, why not use that power to control them and pull them exactly into the headspace that you want? A formal leather slave collar is wonderful but so is a dog collar. What is your preference? I think quality is very important, so one of my favorite stores is Leather By Danny. You may recognize many of the designs there, now you have found the original source of the creativity.

Image by Tantus

What type of sub are you?

What is your submissive play style?

A while ago I retweeted an image on Twitter roughly about different types of subs. That image is somewhat inaccurate, I think but I retweeted it because I thought it was funny and I didn’t expect people to really ask me about it. Then I started thinking about different types of “subs” for a lack of a better term. I have often thought about the different driving forces behind what composes kink, BDSM, fetish, etc, however that is a post for a different day. So I began thinking about the motivations behind each different type of sub I have observed. There will be a follow up to this post because I think there are more sub classifications beyond just these.

So, why does it matter what type of sub/what your play style is? (I think your play style is actually more accurate.) It gives you more information about yourself and what you’re seeking out of your interactions with your Domme/Mistress/etc.

Also, keep in mind that people use titles with their own discretion so “slave” may mean something to one person but something completely different to another person. It’s always important to ask when negotiating. (For example in online Domme communities “slave” basically means “submissive man” whereas in lifestyle BDSM communities a “slave” refers to someone that is “owned property” and is usually a relationship title rather than something you just call someone.)

So these titles are in part borrowed from what I have observed and in part my own creation. Moving along.

Submissive

A submissive is an umbrella term for someone with submissive desires who wants to be dominated. They have a whole range of interests in the BDSM or fetish realm. They may be casual or extremely serious and devoted to a Mistress. BDSM is a whole world of self expression for them. It’s a type of powerful play or sexual expression.

Slave

A slave is largely the same as a submissive with the exception that they tend to be more deeply involved lifestyle and tend to have one or more long term connections with Mistresses. Their real life outside play tends to be much more intertwined with kink and they are focused on “serving” in whatever form that takes for them. That’s not to say that a submissive can’t have domestic relationships that step outside the realm of the bedroom. However, I would say the level of commitment required for someone to make that sort of investment usually involves some sort of collar. Regardless of what title you assign to that relationship.

Bottom

A bottom is someone who much like a submissive is also experiencing kink for the purposes of self expression, play or sexual expression but the focus isn’t power exchange. They may engage in very hard play that pushes some very hard limits that you would only see from people deeply involved in heavy D/s relationships. Bottoms are experience chasers, limit pushers and they want to see how everything feels and process the fuck out of it. The good and the bad.

Fetishist

A fetishist is someone who seeks the deep exploration of something particularly specific. They can be all over the map as far as the D/s scale and their involvement in the BDSM scene. Their focus is exploration of whatever their particular fetish is and hopefully you talked about it before and also hopefully it’s your thing too!

Explorer

An explorer I would put neutrally on the D/s scale as they usually have no idea where they sit but it’s always fun to find out! Maybe they have no interest in D/s at all or maybe they really want to sit at your feet and suffer! An explorer is just that, an unknown.

Sensualist

A sensualist also doesn’t fall on the D/s scale but nothing makes them happier than putting a big smile on your face. Nothing makes Mistress happier than someone who wants to make her happy! The focus is typically not the harsh aspect of BDSM but sensation and sensuality.

I hope that helped shed some light on different types of submission for you!

Clip: Mind Controlled Suggestion- SUCK COCK


You will have no idea what’s about to come over you, you won’t even be aware of what’s happening or the craving that’s growing inside of you. It will creep up slowly, first as a passing curiosity then as a slight craving building into a lust and finally a need. A need for cock. You will lose all control at my hands. The need to SUCK COCK will consume you like you will consume cocks, for me, your Mistress. You need to SUCK COCK. It calls to you, you need it in your mouth. You crave the taste, the smell, the texture, the sensation. You’re not aware of why or how, you’re just aware that you NEED it and you NEED it NOW. You thought you needed women but you were wrong, you need and DESERVE COCK. Isn’t that right?

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Clip: Mind Controlled Teasing Right to the Edge

Look directly into the spiral, slave. I’m going to drive you to the edge of control but you’re not allowed to spill over it, you understand? You have to play my little game, pay close attention. Watch closely and fall under my spell. You won’t be able to look away and you won’t be able to cum unless I let you, until I want you too, if I want you too. That’s a big if, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll just keep you in limbo forever. Right on the edge, without any control over your own body.

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Clip: Brainwashing Mantra – Give Me Whatever I Want

You can’t resist me, you never could. Now you have no choice. Give me what I want. I’ll make it easy by putting you under my spell. Good boy. Now repeat after me “I am a weak minded, useless man who needs the direction and guidance of women to shape me. Thank you, Mistress Ruby for giving me purpose. I will give you whatever you want to make you happy, my purpose for living. My goddess, my Mistress, my Queen. Whatever you say goes, I will do whatever you say.” Very good, now be good for your word. You wouldn’t want to not be a man of your word would you?

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Clip: Seduced Coercion Intox Drinking Game

It’s saturday night and you’re bored, I’m bored too. I have a fun game to play, are you ready for a challenge? Good, just look into my venomous eyes and have a little gaze. It makes you feel intoxicated doesn’t it? Good. That’s just the beginning. Now things are going to get fun. Let’s get some booze in the mix and I’ll put my little spell on you. Just sit tight and watch the spiral… ….. …. …. … … .. .. .. .. Oh? Did you fall asleep? I must have done something to you. Don’t worry, I’m not all that evil. I’m just going to manipulate you into getting drunk for me! Then the real fun will begin! Hahaha! You won’t be able to resist me at all if you’re drunk, will you?

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Clip: Coerced Blackmail Fantasy – Now You’re My Bitch

Oops, did you mean to do that? I don’t think so. I just put you under and forced you to please me and do give me whatever information I see fit. Hahah! Now you have to do whatever I say! Using my deliciously sweet pussy I’m going to tease you into giving me control over EVERYTHING and there’s NOTHING you can do. I’m going to shake my perfect bubble butt right in your face too and make you completely helpless to resist my hypno powers! What ever will you do when I have complete control over your life? NOTHING. Deal with it, loser.

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Clip: Your Ex Left You Because of Findom

You thought you were a man? That’s funny. You can only get hard to chicks humiliating you. You’re not even a boy. You’re some kind of worm or fungus maybe. That’s why I left you. You could never get hard. You’re pathetic and it’s time you admit it, you’re addicted to findom and I’m going to prove it to you. I’m going to use my hypnotic powers to force you to see your fate- A pathetic masturbating weakling addicted to abuse, under the heel of cruel women for the rest of your life with no escape. Always being left by normal women because you’re not good enough for us! So suck it!

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Clip: Orgasmic Mind Control – Hands Free Orgasm Training 1

Oh, my deliciously obedient pet- You’ve been so good lately that I’ve decided to reward you with my powerful mind control for pleasure. Although I can’t promise I won’t abuse it, I’m going to start training you to not require any contact at all in order to orgasm. As long as you relax, obey and do exactly as I tell you to. I know that you’re obedient and want to please me so there’s no doubt you will. Not that you have much choice, we both know you can’t fight against my hypno powers- You’re a fly caught in my never ending web. Soon enough, you’ll need to hear or read a single phrase uttered by your Mistress in order to achieve bliss.

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