bdsm advice

What type of sub are you?

What is your submissive play style?

A while ago I retweeted an image on Twitter roughly about different types of subs. That image is somewhat inaccurate, I think but I retweeted it because I thought it was funny and I didn’t expect people to really ask me about it. Then I started thinking about different types of “subs” for a lack of a better term. I have often thought about the different driving forces behind what composes kink, BDSM, fetish, etc, however that is a post for a different day. So I began thinking about the motivations behind each different type of sub I have observed. There will be a follow up to this post because I think there are more sub classifications beyond just these.

So, why does it matter what type of sub/what your play style is? (I think your play style is actually more accurate.) It gives you more information about yourself and what you’re seeking out of your interactions with your Domme/Mistress/etc.

Also, keep in mind that people use titles with their own discretion so “slave” may mean something to one person but something completely different to another person. It’s always important to ask when negotiating. (For example in online Domme communities “slave” basically means “submissive man” whereas in lifestyle BDSM communities a “slave” refers to someone that is “owned property” and is usually a relationship title rather than something you just call someone.)

So these titles are in part borrowed from what I have observed and in part my own creation. Moving along.

Submissive

A submissive is an umbrella term for someone with submissive desires who wants to be dominated. They have a whole range of interests in the BDSM or fetish realm. They may be casual or extremely serious and devoted to a Mistress. BDSM is a whole world of self expression for them. It’s a type of powerful play or sexual expression.

Slave

A slave is largely the same as a submissive with the exception that they tend to be more deeply involved lifestyle and tend to have one or more long term connections with Mistresses. Their real life outside play tends to be much more intertwined with kink and they are focused on “serving” in whatever form that takes for them. That’s not to say that a submissive can’t have domestic relationships that step outside the realm of the bedroom. However, I would say the level of commitment required for someone to make that sort of investment usually involves some sort of collar. Regardless of what title you assign to that relationship.

Bottom

A bottom is someone who much like a submissive is also experiencing kink for the purposes of self expression, play or sexual expression but the focus isn’t power exchange. They may engage in very hard play that pushes some very hard limits that you would only see from people deeply involved in heavy D/s relationships. Bottoms are experience chasers, limit pushers and they want to see how everything feels and process the fuck out of it. The good and the bad.

Fetishist

A fetishist is someone who seeks the deep exploration of something particularly specific. They can be all over the map as far as the D/s scale and their involvement in the BDSM scene. Their focus is exploration of whatever their particular fetish is and hopefully you talked about it before and also hopefully it’s your thing too!

Explorer

An explorer I would put neutrally on the D/s scale as they usually have no idea where they sit but it’s always fun to find out! Maybe they have no interest in D/s at all or maybe they really want to sit at your feet and suffer! An explorer is just that, an unknown.

Sensualist

A sensualist also doesn’t fall on the D/s scale but nothing makes them happier than putting a big smile on your face. Nothing makes Mistress happier than someone who wants to make her happy! The focus is typically not the harsh aspect of BDSM but sensation and sensuality.

I hope that helped shed some light on different types of submission for you!

Blog: You’re Not Alone

The holidays impact everyone differently: Some people go into a manic holiday cheer, others wander aimlessly through the swathes of people contemplating their own demise through pounds of festive treats and spiced booze. Personally, I vacillate but I see it all in my friends and my play partners and people tend to be very forthcoming with their feelings during the holidays. It’s interesting what people will tell you and how that makes you think about yourself.

Recently someone was talking to me about the shame involved in their own kink and it made me think about how ashamed and alone I felt when I was first officially starting out in kink- No one in my friends circle understood me and I ended up being an outcast because I was kinky. There are a lot of complicated things that led up to that being factually true but let’s just say that and leave it at that.

I had never felt like an outcast or a reject before but I did then and some part of me still does, it’s hard to shake. It impacts you pretty deeply when people reject or abandon you for some reason and when it’s because you’re different, it stings. Because of this, whenever someone tells me they fear being rejected I want to tell them they won’t be by me, that they aren’t alone. If someone does reject them it’s not about them but the hang ups of whoever is rejecting them and that it doesn’t matter. Ultimately it doesn’t, really. If I hadn’t been rejected I may not have had the courage to follow my dreams from where I was, I needed to get out of there and being rejected was the only way I was going to leave.

Consider this my version of “It gets better.” (It really does get better.) If you feel alone, reach out. If you don’t know how to deal with your kink or how to talk to your partner/family about it and you’re scared of how they’ll react, send me an email. There’s no point in going through something alone.

BDSM Advice: The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Pee

watersports human toilet

The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Urine

Welcome to the Ultimate Guide for Drinking Urine! Clearly I have piqued your curiosity, so here I am going to outline the risks associated with drinking urine and how to avoid them with an eye towards safely receiving your mistress’ gifts. It is very safe to drink your own urine but there are some minor safety concerns involved in drinking another person’s urine. In most healthy people urine is sterile and free of harmful bacteria, viruses, or other substances. Let’s dive in and talk about the details.

Why do people want to drink urine?

Drinking urine is a very primal thing. Often times it is tied to desires of being a human toilet. Assuming something that has passed through someone else’s body and been prepared especially for you makes you feel closer to them. Water is a substance that is central to life and you are getting it from your partner. At the same time it carries overtones of dominance, submission, and ownership. Urine is used to mark things as property. While we are not wild animals it is hard to escape the idea that something we have urinated on or in belongs to us. It is something very primal and deeply encoded. It also carries a mark of humiliation in that you are being treated as property. You become a toilet. It is a complex interplay of feelings and associations that can be quite strong.

Is it safe?

For the most part yes. In most normal healthy people urine is sterile and free of bacteria and viruses. While there may be some risk of STI transmission with direct genital contact, that is no different than any other consensual activity and appropriate precautions should be taken.

So if urine is mostly safe, what shouldn’t you do with it?

Don’t drink urine that has been sitting out (for any period of time longer than maybe an hour.) As I’ve mentioned, urine has bacteria and it will grow outside the body, the bacteria is how you get a UTI. It’s better fresh anyways.

Don’t drink urine that has been refrigerated for several days. Again, bacteria growth is an issue.

Take caution when drinking the urine of someone who is taking drug or prescriptions that are processed through the kidneys (if the urine is heavily diluted, it makes this less of an issue.) Whatever someone is taking will come out through their urine and although in trace/small amounts you will end up consuming. You should particularly take caution if you are taking any prescriptions that may interact.

Don’t drink urine if you are dehydrated or overheating, the minerals that are excreted in urine can exacerbate this and cause you to have some issues.

Don’t drink a very large quantity of urine at one time.

Although 95-90% sterile, the body filters what you put into it through the kidneys and puts out some waste into the urine. That being said, drinking urine is harmless if fresh and the producer is not on any substances that may be harmful to you. It has a small amount of bacteria/minerals (urea, potassium, sodium and creatinine) that can be harmful if consumed in very large quantities or if left for several days. If you stay well hydrated and don’t consume a large quantity of urine, you should be fine. I’d say for every glass of urine you drink, you should also drink a glass of water.

In closing, drinking urine is largely a safe activity especially compared to some of the risks that we can encounter as kinksters. Have fun and stay safe!