BDSM Education

A Dominatrix Guesses Who’s a Virgin

It’s been a while since I did a Cut video! They were nice enough to invite me back to guess who is a virgin. I wanted to make a point of guessing who I thought was going to be the “obvious” choice with the intent of highlighting how cultural biases are often incorrect. I hope you enjoy the video as much as I did when filming it!

A Dominatrix Guesses Who’s a Virgin

4 Problems Submissives Face and How to Cope

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I’m Afraid of Rejection

Everyone has been afraid of rejection at one point or another, it can feel even worse when you are looking for a kinky partner. You might feel weird or abnormal but you aren’t. Pre 50 Shades of Grey, 36% of Americans were into some form of BDSM. Considering the huge jump of inquiries I have gotten after the release of every 50 Shades movie and how many people use it as short hand, I imagine that number is higher now. For scope, ever so slightly more than 1 in every 3 people were kinky in 2005. Worldwide it was 1 in 5.

So if you’re weird, so is a large portion of the population. We just aren’t talking about it.

Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/americans-are-more-bdsm-rest-world-180949703/

My Partner Isn’t Interested

The most difficult thing I personally think is finding someone whose interests match yours. This has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you or your partner, it just means you like different things. The real issue is that many people find it so difficult to talk about that it stews. You wouldn’t have a major issue over your partner not liking the same food or movies as you though, you would find a compromise. For some this means exploring together and service play (service topping) and for others it can mean opening up relationships. In both cases, it’s important to have clear negotiation and an open dialogue throughout.

I Can’t Say What I Want

Communication in all contexts is critical. Especially when it comes to play. At a certain point, you just have to bite the bullet and try to have a discussion Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Playing Went Wrong

I’m Afraid of Rejection

Everyone has been afraid of rejection at one point or another, it can feel even worse when you are looking for a kinky partner. You might feel weird or abnormal but you aren’t. Pre 50 Shades of Grey, 36% of Americans were into some form of BDSM. Considering the huge jump of inquiries I have gotten after the release of every 50 Shades movie and how many people use it as short hand, I imagine that number is higher now. For scope, ever so slightly more than 1 in every 3 people were kinky in 2005. Worldwide it was 1 in 5.

So if you’re weird, so is a large portion of the population. We just aren’t talking about it.

Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/americans-are-more-bdsm-rest-world-180949703/

My Partner Isn’t Interested

The most difficult thing I personally think is finding someone whose interests match yours. This has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you or your partner, it just means you like different things. The real issue is that many people find it so difficult to talk about that it stews. You wouldn’t have a major issue over your partner not liking the same food or movies as you though, you would find a compromise. For some this means exploring together and service play (service topping) and for others it can mean opening up relationships. In both cases, it’s important to have clear negotiation and an open dialogue throughout.

I Can’t Say What I Want

Communication in all contexts is critical. Especially when it comes to play. At a certain point, you just have to bite the bullet and try to have a discussion Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Playing Went Wrong

Preach to the choir, we have all had something go wrong at some point. That is how you learn and the beauty of doing it with someone who is compassionate s that you ideally should be able to learn together. At least, that has largely been my experience. Sometimes it takes some time to find the right way to phrase things, communicate your needs or even find the right people but if you’re patient and diligent, you will find what you’re looking for.

Sizing Corsets for Sissies, Feminization, and Crossdressing

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Corset training can be an excellent part of any feminization routine or a wonderful set of sissy tasks. If you want to make your body more feminine, it’s a great way to do it without any big changes, so it’s a great option for a man, sissy or casual player to explore. They can range from cheap to very pricey depending on your needs, budget and how fancy you want to be. That being said, you can often get what you need for your closet without breaking the bank.

I’m going to answer some basic questions that you may have about how to fit a corset, this is part one about picking a corset. I’m briefly touching on several other topics I’m going to cover later such as body types, corset styles and fabrics. If you would like an individual consultation about sizing any type of clothing or shoes or selecting make up based on your skin, please feel free to contact me. Moving along..

How do I measure for a corset?

You need to measure your natural waist size in order to size a corset. You can measure your natural waist size one inch above your belly button.

Once measured, always choose a corset 2-4 inches smaller than your natural waist to achieve the ‘hourglass’ effect. The amount you “size down” is how tight the corset will close and depending on your shape and the shape of the corset you should size accordingly. Always read size guides.

Some fashion corsets may not come with traditional sizing, in which case I would refer to my previous sizing guide.

Where is my waist?

Your waist is the smallest part of your abdomen. Usually one inch above your belly button but it varies on some people. Take a fabric tape measure and pull it somewhat right around your waist, where does it gather to? (When measuring don’t cinch tightly, hold the tape loosely.) This also gives you information about your body shape. However, that is for a different post.

Can I use corsets designed for female bodies?

Yes! But they all fit differently. There is a simple over bust and under bust as far as length but there are also long line (for long torso which come in both under and over,) cinchers, waspies and corset belts. All in descending order of coverage.

You also want to pay attention to how much curve a corset has. Most “real” corsets have some kind of metal boning in them but fashion corsets which have the least support use plastic and are the most forgiving. A real corset will have corded laces or strings of some sort (like a shoe lace,) not generally ribbon or zippers as they will break easily with repeated lacing/zipping

Tight lacing cotton corset
Product: Cotton Tight lacing Corset from Mystic City Corsets
A tight lacing or hourglass corset is more on extreme end and is usually not for beginners but is incredible for creating a perfect curve. Tight lacing is the technique used to create a well defined hourglass figure.

Another thing to think about is the type of fabric used. Is it mesh, leather, satin, cotton, brocade? They all wear, sit, fit and stretch differently.

For example, a mesh corset will breath more which is better for wearing under clothes but it is less usable for tighter lacing (waist reduction) and will break down faster. Alternatively, you could wear it over your clothes for an alternative look.
Mesh Waspie Corset
Product:

A satin corset looks prettier on the outside (and would make a great sissy corset) but may get lots of runs in the fabric or stain easily depending on the color. Satin, cotton and brocade tend to be fairly default when it comes to corsets. PVC, leather and latex are more speciality fabrics.

Satin underbust corset
Product: Satin underbust corset from Orchard Corset

Will wearing a corset change the shape of my body?

Over time repeated and consistent wear of a corset can change your shape but such pursuits should be undertaken with caution. If you only wear a corset occasionally, your body will return back to its original shape once you remove your corset. If you desire to change your waist size through corset training, it requires dedication

References:
https://www.orchardcorset.com/pages/corset-sizing
https://www.rebelsmarket.com/blog/posts/types-of-corsets-how-to-wear-them
https://www.leaf.tv/9749781/does-your-body-go-back-to-normal-when-you-take-off-a-corset/

What type of sub are you?

What is your submissive play style?

A while ago I retweeted an image on Twitter roughly about different types of subs. That image is somewhat inaccurate, I think but I retweeted it because I thought it was funny and I didn’t expect people to really ask me about it. Then I started thinking about different types of “subs” for a lack of a better term. I have often thought about the different driving forces behind what composes kink, BDSM, fetish, etc, however that is a post for a different day. So I began thinking about the motivations behind each different type of sub I have observed. There will be a follow up to this post because I think there are more sub classifications beyond just these.

So, why does it matter what type of sub/what your play style is? (I think your play style is actually more accurate.) It gives you more information about yourself and what you’re seeking out of your interactions with your Domme/Mistress/etc.

Also, keep in mind that people use titles with their own discretion so “slave” may mean something to one person but something completely different to another person. It’s always important to ask when negotiating. (For example in online Domme communities “slave” basically means “submissive man” whereas in lifestyle BDSM communities a “slave” refers to someone that is “owned property” and is usually a relationship title rather than something you just call someone.)

So these titles are in part borrowed from what I have observed and in part my own creation. Moving along.

Submissive

A submissive is an umbrella term for someone with submissive desires who wants to be dominated. They have a whole range of interests in the BDSM or fetish realm. They may be casual or extremely serious and devoted to a Mistress. BDSM is a whole world of self expression for them. It’s a type of powerful play or sexual expression.

Slave

A slave is largely the same as a submissive with the exception that they tend to be more deeply involved lifestyle and tend to have one or more long term connections with Mistresses. Their real life outside play tends to be much more intertwined with kink and they are focused on “serving” in whatever form that takes for them. That’s not to say that a submissive can’t have domestic relationships that step outside the realm of the bedroom. However, I would say the level of commitment required for someone to make that sort of investment usually involves some sort of collar. Regardless of what title you assign to that relationship.

Bottom

A bottom is someone who much like a submissive is also experiencing kink for the purposes of self expression, play or sexual expression but the focus isn’t power exchange. They may engage in very hard play that pushes some very hard limits that you would only see from people deeply involved in heavy D/s relationships. Bottoms are experience chasers, limit pushers and they want to see how everything feels and process the fuck out of it. The good and the bad.

Fetishist

A fetishist is someone who seeks the deep exploration of something particularly specific. They can be all over the map as far as the D/s scale and their involvement in the BDSM scene. Their focus is exploration of whatever their particular fetish is and hopefully you talked about it before and also hopefully it’s your thing too!

Explorer

An explorer I would put neutrally on the D/s scale as they usually have no idea where they sit but it’s always fun to find out! Maybe they have no interest in D/s at all or maybe they really want to sit at your feet and suffer! An explorer is just that, an unknown.

Sensualist

A sensualist also doesn’t fall on the D/s scale but nothing makes them happier than putting a big smile on your face. Nothing makes Mistress happier than someone who wants to make her happy! The focus is typically not the harsh aspect of BDSM but sensation and sensuality.

I hope that helped shed some light on different types of submission for you!

Blog: A Dominatrix Guesses Strangers Kinks (Ruby)

Something like six months ago I was in a series couple of videos titled A Dominatrix Guesses Strangers Kinks and Guess My Kink Lineup by Cut. They were created by a Youtube studio called Cut that creates content that creates funny, entertaining, prankish and oddly bias challenging videos. When one of the reps contacted me to do the video, I felt comfortable working with them having had done a couple videos before but I had no idea what to expect this time around nor did I have any idea what would happen as a result of the videos being published.

“Guess My Kink” sounded like a game that I could win, so I was game. What I wasn’t prepared for was the emotional impact it would have on me.

During the filming, we had time to connect with each other but the initial camera time I was very off kilter- I was in a room by myself and had no opportunity to connect with anyone. (Although I did make friends with several people after the fact.) It was unlike any time I had been on set because I had been completely alone prior and didn’t know anyone. I know that was part of the point but it was quite unnerving. Once I stepped on to the set, I had to instantly turn on into my normal mode but it wasn’t quite right.

I often play a game of a dominatrix guesses strangers kinks as a party trick or just as an every day part of my life but when you’re dealing with absolute strangers, under video lighting with cameras rolling it becomes a different game. What if I say something humiliating? What if I reveal too much about other people? What if I sound biased or rude? I became very self conscious and suddenly had no idea where I was standing with regard to other people. Then it hit me, this was the whole point of the creation of the video. Other than myself, everyone just looked like people you might find on the street and on any other given day so do I. People in the BDSM community are just like everyone else and unless you know someone pretty intimately their kinks might surprise you. I knew from watching other Cut videos that creating videos was designed to challenge the viewers but I didn’t realize that I was part of that venture. I consider myself fairly open minded but I suppose you can always be more open minded and considerate of others.

Anyway, I believe that our beliefs (both positive and negative) should be challenged. I hope that you too are given wonderful opportunities to open your mind and explore your biases and thoughts.