femdom blog

The Ultimate Femdom Gift Giving Guide

What is the ultimate slave task? Understanding your Mistress. Think of your research into her/their preferences as slave training. Are you trying to impress your Mistress? Make her happy? GOOD. That is exactly what you should be doing as her loyal servant. A birthday shouldn’t pass without you celebrating with your Mistress. 

I’m turning 30 in the middle of April so I decided to create an easy guide for my loyal subs to find me a gift that we both will enjoy.

As with all gift giving, you should ask yourself “is this for them or is it for me?” The latter is fine but you should acknowledge that you are giving them a gift for you rather than investigating what they might want. If you want to knock it out of the ballpark, your best methods for success are research and paying attention. I think that successful gifting is based on how well you know someone’s love language which relates to their gift preferences.

  1. Service

Does your dominant talk about wanting to be able to do something or have something done but they don’t have the bandwidth, time or energy to do it themselves? Easy. If you can make it happen for them, do so. Ask questions if you aren’t sure of something. A great example of this is The Garden Path that one of my subs commissioned for me on my birthday a few years ago. I enjoy it immensely and it was one of the best gifts I’ve gotten.

  1. Something Useful

Everyone loves having that magic thing that fills a hole in their life or solves a problem, maybe one they didn’t know they had. In order to achieve this, you must know them well. A great example from my life is receiving a very nice set of knives when I started cooking. I didn’t know how amazing good knives are compared to the crappy ones I was using.

  1. Something Practical

Finding something practical that someone needs or wants is a pretty easy gifting opportunity and they will think of you whenever they use it. I have gotten tennis shoes, a sofa, clothes, kitchen items, things for my cats, gift cards that enabled me to complete a project or simply enjoy something. 

  1. Luxury Items

I feel that anything outside of the realm of what someone will normally spend on themselves is a luxury gift.Or an upgrade to something they already have. You usually have to ask or do research but it can be immensely exciting to get a gift that you wouldn’t buy for yourself. I’ve received jewelry, shoes, lingerie, dungeon furniture and a NAS set up to backup all my media.

  1. An Experience 

Do they talk about wanting to go somewhere or do something? Perfect! Whether it’s a trip to the spa or a trip to the beach, experiences are precious and the memory doesn’t fade. I’ve been taken on trips, taken to events, done crazy things and had my spa trips paid for. Big or small, I’ve loved every experience.

Image (c) Forbes

4 Problems Submissives Face and How to Cope

train your husband to be your bdsm slave

I’m Afraid of Rejection

Everyone has been afraid of rejection at one point or another, it can feel even worse when you are looking for a kinky partner. You might feel weird or abnormal but you aren’t. Pre 50 Shades of Grey, 36% of Americans were into some form of BDSM. Considering the huge jump of inquiries I have gotten after the release of every 50 Shades movie and how many people use it as short hand, I imagine that number is higher now. For scope, ever so slightly more than 1 in every 3 people were kinky in 2005. Worldwide it was 1 in 5.

So if you’re weird, so is a large portion of the population. We just aren’t talking about it.

Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/americans-are-more-bdsm-rest-world-180949703/

My Partner Isn’t Interested

The most difficult thing I personally think is finding someone whose interests match yours. This has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you or your partner, it just means you like different things. The real issue is that many people find it so difficult to talk about that it stews. You wouldn’t have a major issue over your partner not liking the same food or movies as you though, you would find a compromise. For some this means exploring together and service play (service topping) and for others it can mean opening up relationships. In both cases, it’s important to have clear negotiation and an open dialogue throughout.

I Can’t Say What I Want

Communication in all contexts is critical. Especially when it comes to play. At a certain point, you just have to bite the bullet and try to have a discussion Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Playing Went Wrong

I’m Afraid of Rejection

Everyone has been afraid of rejection at one point or another, it can feel even worse when you are looking for a kinky partner. You might feel weird or abnormal but you aren’t. Pre 50 Shades of Grey, 36% of Americans were into some form of BDSM. Considering the huge jump of inquiries I have gotten after the release of every 50 Shades movie and how many people use it as short hand, I imagine that number is higher now. For scope, ever so slightly more than 1 in every 3 people were kinky in 2005. Worldwide it was 1 in 5.

So if you’re weird, so is a large portion of the population. We just aren’t talking about it.

Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/americans-are-more-bdsm-rest-world-180949703/

My Partner Isn’t Interested

The most difficult thing I personally think is finding someone whose interests match yours. This has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you or your partner, it just means you like different things. The real issue is that many people find it so difficult to talk about that it stews. You wouldn’t have a major issue over your partner not liking the same food or movies as you though, you would find a compromise. For some this means exploring together and service play (service topping) and for others it can mean opening up relationships. In both cases, it’s important to have clear negotiation and an open dialogue throughout.

I Can’t Say What I Want

Communication in all contexts is critical. Especially when it comes to play. At a certain point, you just have to bite the bullet and try to have a discussion Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Playing Went Wrong

Preach to the choir, we have all had something go wrong at some point. That is how you learn and the beauty of doing it with someone who is compassionate s that you ideally should be able to learn together. At least, that has largely been my experience. Sometimes it takes some time to find the right way to phrase things, communicate your needs or even find the right people but if you’re patient and diligent, you will find what you’re looking for.

More than a Fantasy

The world of day dreams and fantasy is one that I have often found so captivating. In this realm, reality does not apply but that is also the draw back. I’ve caught my mind wandering to stranger and stranger places, ones that are familiar to me if I’m truly honest but that I hesitate to speak about to others. That is the power and captivation of the fantasy dreamland- I need not worry what others think. Sometimes I dare to wonder, do others have the same proclivities? If I wish hard enough, I can imagine a partner who is a perfect mirror to my perversions. Indulgent, wicked, precise. Without much appearance of effort, she has me in her clutches. Here is where I find myself, browsing the internet nestled in the privacy of my self indulgence. The world out there is vast, expanding further than my crude searches can encapsulate. Still, I fumble my way through erotic, tantalizing and quite graphic content until seemingly by fate.. I find her. Again, I dare to wonder. Could my desires be more than just a fantasy? With a click on a button, they are all but a fantasy.

Photo Casting Call

Fetish Model Ruby Enraylls

Good Afternoon perverts,

I have a lovely opportunity for those of you who enjoy showing off your inner exhibitionist: I am doing an official casting call for an artistic and ongoing photo project that I’m collaborating on with several photographer friends of mine.
Let me be perfectly and crystal clear: This is not a call for models in clips, pornography, video, etc. I may in the future do a casting call for that but this an artistic project featuring BDSM, fetish and event erotic elements that I find interesting and alluring but focuses heavily on the artistic element.
I have been inspired by many creative artists online such as Mistress Eva, Mistress Troy and Cybill Troy. At first glance you may just look at the imagery they have created and say “that’s just porn” or “that’s an advertisement.” However, to me my website is a space where I can create artistic vision and attract like minded people; My website is a place to house my creative voice.

I have several different visions in mind for this particular casting call.

Iconic Scenes from Movies, with a kinkier twist

Have you ever been watching a movie and found yourself completely enraptured with the pacing, the imagery, the characters yet you wished it had gone slightly further in a kinky a direction? Maybe you wished the roles were reversed? I’m aiming to recreate scenes like that from movies that are easily recognizable, that stick in your mind. I already have several in mind but I’m always looking to add to my collection of ideas.

BDSM for Everyone and Every Body

Have you ever been looking through BDSM or Femdom images only to find that there isn’t someone who represents you or that you resonate with? I think this is really important. My goal is to to represent different body types and gender expressions. The idea is to create a welcoming space, period.

With any photo project I am working on, the goal is that you will be anonymous in the photos. However, I will ask that you sign a model release.

If you’d like to chat about this, please email me at ruby@rubylovesyou.com

How to Size a Chastity Cage

Seattle chastity mistress

There are so many different types of chastity cages to choose from, making a selection sometimes seems impossible. There are many different styles, materials, shapes, you name it! Which one is right for you? Hopefully I can shed some light on how to purchase a chastity device that will work for you by illuminating some critical consideration points.

Before we start with sizing we need to consider how you’ll use this device. Are you going to be locked up for an hour while you go out and get groceries for your Mistress? Is it a night of chastity for you, lucky boy? Perhaps something more long term like a week of being locked in your cage. Maybe something more intense still like a long term chastity contract that spans weeks, months or if you’re really lucky, years. Each duration has different considerations to make with the fit, sizing, materials and even locking devices.

Let’s start out with the basics

How to Size a Chastity Cage

How to Measure for a Chastity Device

Where do you need to measure for fitting a chastity device?

  1. The circumference of the shaft of the penis
  2. The length of the penis
  3. The circumference of the entire genital (below the base of the penis and the testicles)

You must take these measurements while your penis is soft then repeat them when it is erect to get adequate sizing.

The sizing for most chastity cages or devices tends to come in MM so convert your measurements into MM using Google.

How to Fit a Chastity Device Properly

Many basic devices offer a variety of different sizes of base rings (the ring that goes around the entirety of your genitalia.) This ring holds your chastity device in place and prevents it from falling off. Before purchasing a device take a piece of string the same length as one of the rings you are considering and feel how it feels tied around the base of your penis. This should give you an idea of the fit in that department.

As far as length, try to find a middle ground between your length when soft and when hard. However, that is kind of up to your discretion. Do you want that classic feeling of being cramped and unable to get erect? Lean closer to your soft measurement. Need more room for longer term wear? Go somewhere in the middle or go with the full length if possible.

Picking the right material is mostly a weight issue or a customization question. Do you like the weight of metal or do you not mind the extra effort to put on plastic? Silicone is easy in all of these areas but not secure. 3D printed is highly customized, covers all the bases but expensive and not good as a first choice.

As far as locks the biggest question is how trustworthy are you? Metal locks provide that extra security plus the classic literal keyholder element. The numbered plastic locks can be removed and put back on be crafty subs (for that matter the plastic cages can be broken with enough force.) So metal can’t be beaten in that regard (for the really enthusiastic chastity players you can find some pretty intense full metal belts.) However, is your chastity sub going through lots of airport security or is there another reason they might need to remove it? Bluetooth unlocking options such as apps are a great option. Bluetooth luggage locks are fun too but they can’t get wet. All of these are fun options with long distance training.

At the end of the day, trust is always a huge part of any type of play. Being kept in line or keeping someone in line is critical but a struggle loses it’s charm. 😉

Examples of Different Chastity Devices

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Different Styles of Chastity Cages

Your basic styles are the same: A place to put your penis and some type of ring that holds the cage securely in place. However what tends to vary is how the device goes on, how snugly it fits and how easy it is to put on. The devices with hinged rings are super easy to put on but not good for long term wear as they press. The metal tubes can be bulky and if the ring is the wrong size it can be difficult if not impossible to fit all your gear inside. The plastic devices are also difficult to put on at first and usually require lubricant or the aid of a q-tip. I wouldn’t recommend wearing a sound for long periods at all.

Chastity in Summary

Everything is customized to your fit, read descriptions, look at reviews and always measure first. It takes trial and error to get the right fit, I wouldn’t recommend getting the most expensive custom cage first until you’ve tried things out a bit. That being said if you are confident that you know what you want there are many options in that direction.
However, if the cage is uncomfortable or causes any swelling, bruising, burning, tingling, numbness, cold spots or discoloration remove it immediately. Some pretty nasty things can go wrong if you aren’t careful. Luckily, in a pinch your friendly neighborhood hardware store sells bolt cutters for under 20 bucks.

I hope this has helped you make some decisions about buying your chastity device! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
If you are interested in exploring chastity, I delight in being a keyholder. Check out my page about that here!

Resources:
https://lockedinlust.com/how-to-measure/
https://www.maturemetal.com/guide-to-measuring-your-penis-for-a-chastity-device/
https://lockthecock.com/blogs/chastity-fun/choosing-the-right-one

Sizing Corsets for Sissies, Feminization, and Crossdressing

Seattle Strapon and corset dominatrix ruby

Corset training can be an excellent part of any feminization routine or a wonderful set of sissy tasks. If you want to make your body more feminine, it’s a great way to do it without any big changes, so it’s a great option for a man, sissy or casual player to explore. They can range from cheap to very pricey depending on your needs, budget and how fancy you want to be. That being said, you can often get what you need for your closet without breaking the bank.

I’m going to answer some basic questions that you may have about how to fit a corset, this is part one about picking a corset. I’m briefly touching on several other topics I’m going to cover later such as body types, corset styles and fabrics. If you would like an individual consultation about sizing any type of clothing or shoes or selecting make up based on your skin, please feel free to contact me. Moving along..

How do I measure for a corset?

You need to measure your natural waist size in order to size a corset. You can measure your natural waist size one inch above your belly button.

Once measured, always choose a corset 2-4 inches smaller than your natural waist to achieve the ‘hourglass’ effect. The amount you “size down” is how tight the corset will close and depending on your shape and the shape of the corset you should size accordingly. Always read size guides.

Some fashion corsets may not come with traditional sizing, in which case I would refer to my previous sizing guide.

Where is my waist?

Your waist is the smallest part of your abdomen. Usually one inch above your belly button but it varies on some people. Take a fabric tape measure and pull it somewhat right around your waist, where does it gather to? (When measuring don’t cinch tightly, hold the tape loosely.) This also gives you information about your body shape. However, that is for a different post.

Can I use corsets designed for female bodies?

Yes! But they all fit differently. There is a simple over bust and under bust as far as length but there are also long line (for long torso which come in both under and over,) cinchers, waspies and corset belts. All in descending order of coverage.

You also want to pay attention to how much curve a corset has. Most “real” corsets have some kind of metal boning in them but fashion corsets which have the least support use plastic and are the most forgiving. A real corset will have corded laces or strings of some sort (like a shoe lace,) not generally ribbon or zippers as they will break easily with repeated lacing/zipping

Tight lacing cotton corset
Product: Cotton Tight lacing Corset from Mystic City Corsets
A tight lacing or hourglass corset is more on extreme end and is usually not for beginners but is incredible for creating a perfect curve. Tight lacing is the technique used to create a well defined hourglass figure.

Another thing to think about is the type of fabric used. Is it mesh, leather, satin, cotton, brocade? They all wear, sit, fit and stretch differently.

For example, a mesh corset will breath more which is better for wearing under clothes but it is less usable for tighter lacing (waist reduction) and will break down faster. Alternatively, you could wear it over your clothes for an alternative look.
Mesh Waspie Corset
Product:

A satin corset looks prettier on the outside (and would make a great sissy corset) but may get lots of runs in the fabric or stain easily depending on the color. Satin, cotton and brocade tend to be fairly default when it comes to corsets. PVC, leather and latex are more speciality fabrics.

Satin underbust corset
Product: Satin underbust corset from Orchard Corset

Will wearing a corset change the shape of my body?

Over time repeated and consistent wear of a corset can change your shape but such pursuits should be undertaken with caution. If you only wear a corset occasionally, your body will return back to its original shape once you remove your corset. If you desire to change your waist size through corset training, it requires dedication

References:
https://www.orchardcorset.com/pages/corset-sizing
https://www.rebelsmarket.com/blog/posts/types-of-corsets-how-to-wear-them
https://www.leaf.tv/9749781/does-your-body-go-back-to-normal-when-you-take-off-a-corset/