how to guide

10 Essential BDSM Toys for Beginners

Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. I wanted to share my favorite BDSM toys and gear I think is essential for any kit in an easy format. Whether you are a domestic dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit, this list is for you. Strap on harness Every dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning dominatrix you might think “I will get a kit” but that is a mistake. Strap on kits usually come with a nylon strap harness and dildos that are so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best but my favorite is The Jag by Aslan Leathers I like thong harnesses that can be converted and the leather is treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time. Dildos It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantus has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes. Restraints  Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a …

10 Essential BDSM Toys for Beginners Read More »

Proper Communication Protocol with Your Mistress

A submissive’s thoughts on proper protocol Introduction to Communicating with my Mistress Mistress Ruby gave me the assignment to write to Her some about how to address your Mistress properly, make requests, share fantasies, and have respectful conversation. Also, i am to include a breakdown of dos’ and don’ts for each topic. She instructed me to have no limit on length, deliver it to Her by the end of the week, and to write it from my standpoint. A few initial thoughts about the assignment immediately ran through my head. First was gratitude, since this is the first writing assignment my Mistress has given me in a long while. Because i strive to be the perfect submissive, and as my Mistress brought me into the BDSM lifestyle from 30 years of monogamous vanilla hetero relationships, during the first months we were together i processed nearly every encounter we had by writing essays which i shared with Her. Mostly, these were written as if i were writing a letter to her, but in reality they were attempts to hear myself say the things i wanted to say so that i could sort my fantasies from my realities. Frankly, i wouldn’t be surprised if that was somewhat off-putting for Her, but She was very patient with me and when She had comments they came as constructive criticism, encouragement, and appreciation that i took our relationship seriously enough to write my thoughts down. Second, and i will address this more completely below, i …

Proper Communication Protocol with Your Mistress Read More »