How to Achieve Happiness with Your Vanilla Partner as a Submissive

Cross posted from

How to Achieve Happiness with Your Vanilla Partner as a Submissive

By Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls –

As a professional dominatrix, I speak with many men who have the desire to be controlled by a powerful (and often manipulating) woman. Unfortunately for these men, general society dictates that women should be subservient, docile, and obedient towards their male counterparts. As a result, submissive men often find themselves frustrated in marriages with women who, for all their wonderful qualities, aren’t taking control. These relationships don’t have to fail, and can end up being quite successful, and I’m going to provide a guide for you to get there in four possibly not-so-easy steps!

Step One: Determine What You Want

So, you want to give up control. What does that mean? I define control as the ability to affect, influence, or impact a situation, person, or thing directly and with intent. So, the desire to give up control is a desire for your partner to intentionally influence you. This means you’re asking them to lead you, dictate changes, make decisions and initiate interactions- At least, this is what control means to me.

It goes without saying that what control means to me and what control means to anyone else is probably different so before considering how to alter your relationship, you should make two lists: One list will have 5-10 actions, feelings or situations that make you feel submissive and the other will describe the inverse. These lists should help you figure out what control means to you and how you want to be submissive.

Although people don’t tend to neatly fit into categories, I’ve found that generally there are themes when it comes to the activities that someone enjoys; Often someone who likes doing service for their partner will also enjoy sexually pleasing their partner. Just as someone who enjoys having someone spit in their face will also usually enjoy being told how dirty and nasty they are. The main categories that submissive behavior and preferences tend to fall into seem to be fetish, service, masochism, sexuality, humiliation, degradation, behavior modification and power.

Fetish; An activity or preferred object or body part that is very much focused on such as a woman’s foot or smelling dirty panties. Service; Enjoying or wanting to do things for other people that make their lives better or easier, classically house work and menial labor such as data entry or organizing paper work. Masochism; Enjoying a painful, unpleasant or uncomfortable activity such as spanking or rope suspension. Humiliation; Seeking out situations or activities that produce feelings of inadequacy, shame, embarrassment. Degradation; Enjoying activities that make you feel dirty, bad, wrong, shameful, evil, slutty, disgusting or less than other people. Behavior Modification; Wanting to have someone control what you do, how you think, what you feel and what you want. Power; Wanting to feel powerless compared to someone else, to feel controlled or overwhelmed by them.

Obviously, each category is not mutually exclusive and often most people enjoy some activities that fit into multiple categories in different degrees of intensity. In my experience, the intensity experienced by someone submissive tends to range from enjoying a lifestyle 24/7 dynamic where the submissive is always submissive to experiencing a casual fantasy where they only want to be told to do something that they already wish to do. With all of that said, each submissive varies widely in their tastes, preferences and dislikes so even those that are categorically the same can be extremely different.

For example, I currently have two submissives who both enjoy service and providing me with care but both of them have different approaches to service: One of them likes to help me around the house by cooking, cleaning and doing other chores and feels at peace while he is taking care of physical tasks for me. The other however, doesn’t really enjoy doing physical tasks (especially cleaning.) She enjoys engaging in psychologically taxing tasks that contribute to me having more energy to better accomplish everything else I have to do.

Step Two: Determine What She Wants

Everyone falls somewhere on the D/s scale, whether they’re aware of it or not. Sometimes those inclinations are very fluid, other times they’re less so – it’s very similar to sexual orientation in that regard. It’s possible that your wife is just as submissive as you are (or more!), and just doesn’t want to be dominant, for the same types of reasons you don’t.

Does your wife like making decisions? Does she know what kink is? How does she feel about it? Is she open-minded? Being dominant over you will require your wife to make many choices for themselves and for you. If she hates decisions, it’s going to be very difficult to find a way where she’s happy controlling you. Similarly, if she hates the idea of kink and you try to manipulate her into dominating you, she’s probably going to be extremely upset if she finds out.

On the other hand, it’s very common for women to feel heard, considered, and empowered by their husbands. Being dominant does take some effort, but if it means an increased ability to get what she wants, it may be worth it for her. When I’ve instructed submissive men to offer control to their wives in the past, it has been met with joy. This is probably related to how they went about it and what control they relinquished, but more about that in step four.

Step Three: Decide On a Course of Action

At this point, you have most of the information you need to make a decision. Do you want to express your submission with your wife, or with a professional?

When making this decision, you first need to realize that your wife will never be the perfect dominatrix for you. A professional is there to provide you with a relatively uncomplicated fantasy interaction, within her own limitations. Because you have set an exchange rate with her, she’s more willing to conform to your desires. Because you’ve discussed limits and mutual interests, you’ll likely get a closer approximation of what you want. So (unless someone is lying), there’s virtually no chance of either person getting shortchanged in the arrangement. On the other hand, your wife is likely to have her own agenda (which is probably not “fulfill your fantasy so she can pay her bills”). She’ll have her own desires, her own needs, and her own wants. Those probably won’t align perfectly with yours, and that’s okay. Use the information you gathered in steps one and two to figure out how close you can get to what you want with your wife, and then make a decision about whether that’s close enough for you.

Even if your wife is submissively inclined, it may be possible for you to fulfill one another’s needs. You’ll both have to work for it, but if you’re willing to be creative and compromise it can work. Perhaps it means that you won’t get all of your fantasies met. Perhaps it means supplementing the D/s between the two of you with a professional. Perhaps it means exploring new ways to interact together. If she’s open to it, though, and you believe that getting your needs fulfilled within your existing relationship is the route you’d like to choose, step four has suggestions on how to make the transition into more control easier for her, and helping her see that domination isn’t scary, impossible, masculine, or gross.

Step Four: Offer Her Control (if appropriate)

The guiding principle here is that you want to create situations where you’re allowing your wife to direct and influence you. You want to set up an environment where it’s easy for her to lead you, initiate changes, and make decisions.

When initially giving control to a partner with whom you’ve previously been equals, it’s tempting to either simply say “I want you to control me.” or to give them explicit instructions for how they should control you. The former is overwhelming and intimidating for most vanilla women, and the second is counterproductive. It defeats the point of giving up control, and it’s likely to be rejected by a woman who will actually take control or accepted disdainfully as a command by a woman who doesn’t want to be in charge. Neither of those options are what you want, so don’t tell your wife to tell you to do something.

What do you do, then? The specifics will be different for everyone, but some good starting questions are “How can I make your life easier?” “What can I do to help you around the house?” and “What do you hate doing?” In addition to these questions, it would be a good idea to pay attention when you make decisions together or when you make decisions for the two of you. Common decisions that you may be taking for granted are what you are eating, what you are wearing, how something is done around the house, and who does what chores. When you notice yourself making such decisions, consider asking for her opinion. Eventually, she will become more accustomed to making decisions on your behalf and having that control over you will feel natural to her.

Although most highly visible models for how D/s relationships start involve the dominant asking for (or taking) control over the submissive, the inverse also happens. In fact, my experience has shown that relationships tend to be far healthier when the submissive gives control than when the dominant takes it. Anything taken by force walks the line of abuse, and by offering control before she asks for it, you’re mitigating one potential concern. Be aware, however, that she may not want the control you’re offering, and it also causes issues to force control onto someone who doesn’t want it. Ideally, you want to give your wife as much control as she wants to have and as much as you want to give. Keep in mind that those two values may not match up exactly, and that they will both be constantly shifting and changing. While that may sound undesirable, it allows you to learn and grow together. If something is constantly changing, it’s (hopefully!) becoming better and closer to the ideal for both parties.

But What About BDSM?

I understand that allowing your wife to make all the decisions isn’t exactly fetish-oriented. At the end of the day, you’re still doing service for a wonderful woman, and perhaps that’s enough. Introducing BDSM activities isn’t off the table, but you don’t want to force anything upon her. If she’s not open minded, if she’s uncomfortable with kink, or if she’s not comfortable taking the lead, you should probably leave BDSM and kink out of your relationship.

If you choose to introduce BDSM, I suggest mentioning something innocent very casually. Perhaps say something like “Have you ever used handcuffs on someone? I overhead someone at work talking about an exploit of his where he used handcuffs…” Alternately, if your acting abilities are such that you can seem surprised by it, you can “stumble across” some BDSM or fetish picture in a relatively innocent place (think Wikipedia) and ask what your partner thinks.

You want to seem curious or surprised when you bring it up, but you want to leave a believable out if your partner is disgusted. If she reacts strongly negatively, you want to be left in a situation where you can respond with “Yeah, the handcuff thing seemed weird to me, too. Why would he have done that?” or agree with her disgusted shock that Wikipedia had such perverse content. You don’t want to end up in a situation where your wife has to choose between obviously insulting your fantasies and expressing her true opinions.

In the event that your partner is interested in BDSM too, I suggest starting off very innocently; Crops, blindfolds, hand cuffs and the like. Introduce things slowly and really make her a part of your exploration by reading things together, watching videos together, shopping together, ect. Even if she isn’t initially interested in something, it’s likely that if you are and she’s open minded she’ll try it and like it or try it because you like it. The most important thing to remember is to have fun and make it into a bonding experience, if you do that it will have a positive outcome.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to forward them to me at

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A Very Sweet Note and Some Thoughts

Upon request one of my lovely submissives, P. wrote this for me to surmise his experience with me. 
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of reading about the wonderful experiences that I’ve helped create for other people. Knowing that I can make someone’s day, week, month, year or even lifetime is immensely flattering, enthralling and inspiring; It truly makes me feel like I’m making the world a little bit brighter, in my own weird way.

“I just want to say a little something about Ruby.
I have never seen a “pro” before so she was my first experience there, and as we all know, first impressions are important. I admit I was a bit hesitant, with all that we hear nowadays about being set-up, ripped off, or worse in such circumstances, I was very cautious and a bit edgy.
We met at a casual public place and walked to her place of business.
Ruby soon made me feel at ease. She is not only very sexy, she is very real and very accommodating. We chatted a bit more so she could learn more about what I desired and my limitations. Although I was still feeling a bit self conscience of the large age difference between us, she never gave any indication that she was nothing but pleased to fulfill my fantasy scene.
That being said, once our session began, I was in pure bliss. I won’t get into details, but I’m a pretty kinky dude, and she filled and fulfilled my desires as well as humanly possible. It was the best hour and a half of my life, and the quickest! (note to self, next session must be at least 2 hours or more).
When our official time came to a close, Ruby was so gracious, she made no effort to push me out the door, in fact we sat on the floor and talked at length. At this point I was VERY comfortable with her. If you’re old like me, and a Beatles fan like me, think Norwegian wood.
By now I was actually starting to feel like I was imposing, staying longer than I should. But Ruby is one that is so pleasant to be around, its easy to forget that she is a “provider”, and think of her as a friend.
I envy those who get to spend time with Ruby on a daily basis, she is smart, sexy, beautiful and a genuinely fun person to be around. My only regret is that my time with her is so limited. In short, Ruby can be your dream cum true, if your willing to let her.

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Kink Influences

If you know me, it’s no secret that I’ve been kinky effectively since I could walk. Previously, I’ve just accepted this as my reality and left it at that but recently I’ve begun thinking about my influences and how they shaped who I am and what I like. Today I’m going to share a few of my influences and what I liked about them.

Xenia Onatopp

Have you watched Golden Eye? It was my favorite movie for years, starting with the first time I ever watched it when I was probably 4 or 5. I’m not sure why my parents even let me watch James Bond movies but they did and I was enthralled. I didn’t really give a shit about the violence in fact I barely noticed it, what I did notice was Xenia Onatopp killing people with her thighs and Natalya Simonova’s super sexy accent. In fact I liked Xenia so much that I used to put other kids in scissor grips with my legs because I thought it was awesome to have that much control over someone. (Several of my middle school friends will attest to this.) I believe I also begged my mom to let me take a Russian class almost immediately after I saw Golden Eye. 

Strangely enough, the connection between my obsession with scissor grips/breath control and sexual excitement only recently surfaced for me. I have no idea why it took so long for me to become aware of it because it’s extremely obvious now.

I think it was the display of power that I was so attracted to; Xenia lures men into a place where they think they’re safe and in control (typically, they would be right as men are often the dominant players in sexual interactions) and then she absolutely turns the tables on them when not only are they least expecting it but they’ve let their guard down. I love the trickery and seduction that is put into such an interaction and I love that she gets off on it even more. In retrospect, I think what really stood out to me about Xenia was that she was a woman; Previously I had only seen men get off on taking control and power.

Xena the Warrior Princess

Okay so, Xena is really campy, I’ll admit that. However, that doesn’t make Xena any less powerful in her world; She kicks ass with reckless abandon, travels on her own, saves men and women from bad guys and seduces men to get what she wants. (Obviously, there is going to be a theme of women using their sexuality to control men here and that says a lot about me.) GO AHEAD, tell me that isn’t empowering?! Sure, she’s a sex object but she chooses to be a sex object because wearing leather is badass and being sexy while you kill demons is fucking cool. I think she only gets saved by a man once or twice and then she almost immediately turns the tables and saves them from an even worse fate. I’m sure I could find many flaws in Xena and probably rip her power to shreds but when I first saw her, that was not what I was thinking about. Honestly, I was too busy being in awe of her kicking ass and taking names in a metal push up bra at the tender age of 6.

Birdy the Mighty

This one is a little obscure, so I’ll explain who Birdy is.

Birdy the Mighty is an anime about a spandex clad alien super heroine federal space officer from outer space who accidentally kills a teenage boy and then is forced to share a body with him. (And let the lulz ensue.) The show follows Birdy fighting crime (aka fucked up aliens) and protecting the boy in many instances (some of which she’s naked in) and teaching the boy to be a better person. Although I’m pretty sure after the first two episodes it gets really shitty and awful… Those are absolutely not part of my scope of memory though as I didn’t discover them until about a year ago.

So anyways, Birdy is another powerful female character (at least she was in the first couple of episodes) who is oozing sexuality. Although she doesn’t really directly use it in the show, it’s more of a tool to draw in the viewer. 

Some Crazy Furry Porn I Found Online

I wish I could remember the name of the artist of the crazy furry porn my best friend and I found on Neopets when we were 10 or 11. Unfortunately, I haven’t really looked at it since then and the only things I remember were that the artist always drew wolves and she called her boyfriend “Dirtbag” and often drew him all tied up and tortured.  

Quite honestly, half wolf half people tied up and experiencing CBT blew me the fuck away when I was 10. (Not that I knew any 10 year olds who wouldn’t be blown away by it…) Really though, the weird part was just that they were wolves. No, seriously. Something about the BDSM elements just clicked with me; I remember thinking “Well of course he’s tied up. That’s what you do to boys when they’re bad and messing with their penises.” Boy oh boy what the fuck does that say about me? I’m not sure I want to know..

What This Shit Says About Me

First and foremost, I’m fucking weird.
I think I must have found bondage pictures some where when I was a kid because I was forever trying to figure out how to tie up a Barbie with a hog tie (it’s really hard, guys) and when I finally became aware that BDSM was a thing people did, I already knew two and single column ties as well as diamond harnesses and chest harnesses. I’m confident that my preoccupation with power and control is largely influenced by the media I’ve talked about in this post but there’s some information that I just really have no idea where it came from. What I do know is that my biggest fetish is absolutely power exchange and everything that I’m interested in seems to become vastly more interesting when I realize that there’s a power element. Given the influences that I have, that absolutely makes sense.

So I guess the moral of the story is if you don’t want your children to grow up to be kinksters, don’t let them look at BDSM furry porn on the internet. Or Animal Planet, that was bad for me too.

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A Lucky Boy in Chastity

Here are several more paragraphs from the Lucky Boy about his experiences in chastity, getting a reward, disappointing me and my response to the disappointment. Enjoy!

Miss Ruby took me to her space, tied me and blindfolded me. Now, I had been told not to wear my chastity cage that night so, there I was blindfolded, pants around my legs and my cock hard, dripping and aching for Miss Ruby. I had no idea what would come next and her mastery at being in charge only fueled my sexual desires even more. Miss Ruby invaded my ass, stroked my cock, clamped my nipples and took complete control over my willing body. I wasn’t allowed to cum and she brought me closer and closer to the edge and then back again. I had such a desire to cum but my desire to be good overcame it. Then she gave me permission to and I couldn’t. I wanted to so bad, I was right there on the edge and I tried and tried and Miss Ruby was being so good to me and giving me everything and more than I should have needed to cum but I just wouldn’t. It was like this frustrating combination of all my insecurities and having not cum in almost three weeks and I never came. After we were done and I was left frustrated, feeling like I had been a disappointment, Miss Ruby informed me that I was not allowed to cum and she also gave me some new chastity rules.

Whether or not I had truly been a disappointment that night, only Miss Ruby knows. However, what undeniably was a disappointment was me, the following morning. Not only did I break the chastity rule while shortcutting but, while doing so I also broke the rule of not being allowed to cum. I was so frustrated with having not cum and still so heated with my desires for Miss Ruby that I took from her what was hers, what I had voluntarily given up control of. It was one of the worst orgasms I’ve ever had. It was painful and I felt like such a disappointment during and after. I felt pathetic. I chastised myself and argued with myself all morning between telling Miss Ruby and not telling her. I knew that I had to be honest so I sent her a text telling her what had happened. I waited and waited and since having met her I had the worst day at work. I was close to tears throughout that day. I mean, she had taken such good care of me the night before and I ruined it all with one little selfish action. I just knew that she would be angry and feared she wouldn’t even want to have anything to do with this pathetic submissive who was untrustworthy. She did forgive me but, she was worried and rightfully so. I was relieved that she forgave me and I got to go and see her again that evening.

We spent that evening visiting and discussing what I had done. I couldn’t even look at her unashamedly for the longest time and she could definitely tell. Miss Ruby seems to be able to peer into my soul and see exactly what I need, deserve, what I desire and if not, she certainly knows how to get it out of me. That evening I had the sincere pleasure of staying the night. It felt absolutely amazing sleeping next to her. Miss Ruby’s body not only looks perfect but it also feels perfect. Her soft skin, soothing voice and her touch, oh that touch, are all so amazingly delightful to be curled up next to. I got to lay there with my head on her chest for quite some time, listening to her heartbeat as it lulled me off to sleep. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in quite some time and even though I only got a few hours I felt rejuvenated. I was the happiest boy at work the following day and people couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. I was goofy and playful and probably the most positive that I’d been in quite some time. Miss Ruby had forgiven me, I did have a punishment coming, but her forgiveness and her desire to still want to see me and not give up on me meant so much to me. I have this fear in relationships that I’m going to be tossed to the side, be given up on, or just suddenly and without warning cut off. It’s happened to me in the past and it frightens me to the point to where I pretty much just expect it. I’ve avoided some potentially meaningful relationships in the past or ended some because of this fear. I hate having that fear but, I have this trust, feeling or, whatever you want to call it that Miss Ruby’s not going to give up. She seems to want me to serve her, to be a good boy for her and I have every intention to do my best for her. 

I got to stay with her the following night as well and spent most of the next day by her side too. We slept in together, she held me, she teased me and, she made me feel safe. I enjoyed every moment with Miss Ruby. We worked on a project together and I got to see a really fun and funny side to her. There was barely a moment where we weren’t either laughing, touching or just simply enjoying each other’s company. All of the kink aside, it’s a real treat to be around someone you can have that kind of a connection with. She makes me feel not only like a good submissive but also like a special person who’s worth her time to be around and who is adding something to her life. I don’t ever want to take away from Miss Ruby. I hope that I can be just as good to her as she’s been to me. 

As for everything else, I’ve offered to take pain for Miss Ruby. I’ve always felt that BDSM was a two way street. There is a reason why Dom’s are Dom’s and sub’s are sub’s. I want to take her pain, I want to be her good boy, her whore, trustworthy boy, friend, submissive – whatever she needs. What I don’t ever want to be and what I will put every effort into; is to never be a disappointment again.

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The Hidden Benefits of Good Toys

You might think I’m thick for stating this but I’ll do it anyways; Quality really is worth it.
Unfortunately, quality is not cut and dry; Some expensive things suck and some cheap things are awesome.

For example, I’ll compare two kinds of handcuffs: $10 Thumb Cuffs and $45 Deluxe Steel Handcuffs.

The “Deluxe” cuffs I bought in my youth when I was tormenting a boyfriend, unfortunately… They were crap. I spent a little chunk of change on them and  I only used them once or twice because they didn’t feel good, they weren’t fun to use and they weren’t really that versatile.
The thumb cuffs on the other hand… I use whenever I have a chance; They just rock. They’re simple but sturdy, versatile and I connect with them. That’s really my point with this whole post- Good toys are toys you connect with. If it feels like you have to fight the toy to use it, it’s not a good toy for you.

The bold statement above became really apparent to me over the weekend when I was comparing my single tail to my partner’s- Mine is made from inexpensive leather, has thick strands, is probably only 8 plait and packs a whollup to my arm when I use it on someone. I knew I had to fight that whip to use it and that was part of the fun with it; If I wanted to beat someone, I had to really put some effort into it. Sadly though, I don’t actually like this whip very much. It doesn’t like to be accurate, it doesn’t bend much and it feels like it almost gets stuck in particular configurations. All of this wasn’t really that apparent to me until I used my partner’s 20 plait signal whip…

Oh. My. God. This Whip is AMAZING. 

I don’t often feel like I should just shell out half a grand for a new toy, especially not one I already have an inferior version of. Sure, it would be nicer, easier to use, probably meaner and I’m sure it will make me dinner too but meh. Don’t spend money if you don’t need to, right? 

Fuck me, though. This whip is incredible.

The craftsmanship alone makes it like a piece of goddamn art; It has tiny leather strips that wind back and forth, crisscrossing and locking together to make a solid column of dead animal parts designed solely for the purpose of inflicting pain. Every inch of it curls and unfurls gently as I run it through my fingers… It feels soft but solid to the touch and unlike anything I’ve touched before. It’s just some how… Different and that intrigues me. It’s innocent yet so devious- Some qualities I share with it. 

Lifting it to strike feels like an effortlessly fluid motion and the follow through of throwing it out in a clean strike continues that trend.  It feels like the leather is now a part of me; Each strike lands exactly where I want it to and with exactly the correct amount of force. This toy and I are dancing together across the ass of my bottom and it’s beautiful, we’re creating a piece of art together and there’s nothing that prevents it from obeying me exactly. Goddamn. This is how this relationship is supposed to be, isn’t it? 

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A Collection of Thank Yous


Good Evening Ruby, I just wanted to touch base with you and thank you for such an incredible session. I liked that you were taller than me, and you being so attractive, I think weakens the defenses of the male brain. I don’t know exactly what you were doing exactly, but I’ve never felt anything quite like that. The waves that kept going on and on at the same intensity even though my body was ready for the waves to subside, they kept on and on going!  Looking forward to next time…..:)


Hi! Thanks for making my birthday present special.
Here’s a pic of how things are progressing… I love it! Although pain from sitting down is starting to become a memory, I think it’ll probably hardly hurt at all in another day or two 🙁 awww
I loved, loved, loved being sewn shut and I can’t stop thinking about it. We took the sutures out this morning, but I really would have preferred to leave them in much longer. The only reason we didn’t was because we wanted to get it disinfected. I’ve never done something like that before and what I didn’t expect was to be so excited to do it again. I missed having it sewn shut all day.
I also really don’t want to do too much to guide the experience by saying the right (or wrong) thing. For example, I was seriously super excited that I was about to be sounded for the first time, but I didn’t really want to give anything away until after the fact. My sexual fantasies are typically centered around a powerful, anonymous figure or captor inflicting their torments on me. I like the experience to feel non-consensual for my part, including not having an exit or safeword. (I might clarify, it isn’t so much about wanting to feel like a victim, so much as it is the power of the dehumanization and objectification that this situation implies).
Obviously a safeword is needed for some situations, like when, for example, I’m about to faint… 🙂 but for a situation to feel real or genuine enough to really capture my interest I need to feel like it can’t simply be shut down once started. If I’ve committed to “hurt me however you want”, but I can stop it with a word, then the situation has no power. I want – NEED – “wimping out” to be an invalid use of a safeword.
It’s this desire to feel totally out of control that prompted all of the negotiation for the scene to happen out of my hands in the first place. If my girlfriend negotiates for me, I am a) robbed of the ability to describe in pedantic detail what I want and b) relieved of the uncomfortable sensation of having to ask for torment that I want inflicted on me with sadistic disregard of my feelings
On a related note, I read your blog post, “The Problem with Dominants” and I have to say that this really stuck out to me: “In many ways I find traditional power exchange (I am the dominant because we’ve decided this) to be corny and unrealistic“. This is exactly how I feel. I’m not really much of a submissive person, though most of my fantasies place me on the bottom. That power is TAKEN from me, BEATEN (or extorted) out of me, not given up willingly. I’m cooperative with a play partner to the extent that I want to have a good experience, like letting myself get tied up in the first place, but I hate the idea of becoming a simpering wimp with no justification. Really I would prefer to be bound and helpless for the duration of a scene, so that I can feel free to struggle and protest in vain. The more I have to cooperate with my own torment, in many ways the less realistic and less erotic it becomes.
Do let us know when you get your scary new lead-filled toy in. I’d be happy to help you break it in. And I’m really excited to get into a whole bunch of other fucked up stuff.
Hoping to be the object of your abuse again soon,


Dear Madame Ruby, Thank You for the unbelievably amazing experience yesterday! Your exquisite touch and expert guidance in fulfilling my long held dream was magical. Thank You so very kindly Madame. You are amazing! 🙂 Thank You Madame! I hope I did truly please You and bring You enjoyment. You rocked my world Ma’am. 


Hi Goddess Ruby,Is it okay to for me to address you that way? First of all I’d like to thank you for our most recent time together. I’m sorry I didn’t have much to say afterward. I do have a few notes that I’ve been meaning to pass on to you.
The sounding was something I’d do again in spite of it being the most painful thing we tried. I think I could start to enjoy the intensity of the pain, and also the idea of stretching to accommodate larger objects as you mentioned such as fingers or toys is intriguing. Each time you pressed on me with your hand I could feel the same pain but to a lesser degree, so it was an interesting combination.The bondage made everything that much more tantalizing, so I’d definitely do that again. I also enjoyed seeing the pattern of the rope marks on my skin.The toothpick as you called it was frightening because I imagined it skewering me. Thank you so much for painting my toenails. I know you didn’t have to do that and it made me feel good. I haven’t purchased a corset yet; the options were somewhat overwhelming. For now I have a waist cincher, and it seems to work okay.


First of all thank you so much for your guidance last night. Another awesome session! I skipped my masturbation session early this morning as you ordered. I instead thought of an idea. I take frequent trips for work that last anywhere from 2 to 5 days sometimes. If I ordered a chastity device I could experience a few days of it without anyone knowing. I found some small padlocks that actually use 4 letter words as the combination. If I ordered a 4 pack of the locks I could have them sent to you you could come up with the word combinations and mail them to me without me knowing the words that unlock them. I could snap the lock in place at the beginning of the trip and you could text me the word to unlock the lock on the last day right before I get home. That way I arrive home after several days of chastity and ready to see my wife. I know that might be more of a hassle than you care for with the locks but I would pay you to do it if your interested.
I love letting you control and guide me on this journey! I slept with my headphones on last night with the hypno mp3 from Candice called Pussywhipped. I keep hearing some of the catch phrases like to get the pussy you have to be the pussy. I am so glad you understand my submissive desire and do not judge me for them.


Hi Ruby,
It was great seeing you last night. Overall I enjoyed myself, but was a little disappointed in size and hardness (he didn’t seem to ever get really hard) of you know what.

Actually I was most turned on by – a sexy woman – than anything else…as that is what I’m most interested in anyway! And mostly I like lingerie on sexy women too…

A Collection of Thank Yous Read More »

The Ultimate Submissive Relationship

The following is a write up I asked of one of my long distance submissives. This write up is about what his idea of the perfect dominant/submissive looks like and what submission means for him.

I have always thought of submission as the ultimate gift to a Dominant partner. The biggest fear is that the Dominant will not view this gift to be as special as the person giving it. I think it’s very important to be treated well as a sub. If I feel special to a Dominant I will move mountains for them. I also think it is up to the sub to relinquish all control to the Dominant with trust they are making decisions in your best interest whether you agree with them or not. If these two parts are present in a relationship the sky is the limit. In my own situation I finally feel I have someone I trust enough to give my gift of submission to. She makes me want to be a better person, a better husband, and a better father. I love to do everything she ask and more because I know it makes her feel special. The things I would like to do in the future are encourage her to take more and more control. The more she controls me the more I know how much I mean to her. The great thing is she praises me doing things well which is as good as foreplay to my submissive nature. I would like for here to chastise me at some point not because I need it for temptations of other women but as a way to remind me constantly who owns my heart, body, and soul. Also maybe some day we could use spanking as a way to establish a corrective action. Sexually she dominates me already by initiating sex which I totally am into. I think I am very close to where I want to be but the chastity and spanking would be such a great addition to our relationship. Some of my friends say I am pussywhipped and I say YES I am end of conversation. I have no problem admitting that she wears the pants in the relationship. Most men do not understand that it is a privilege to be pussywhipped. This means someone cares enough about you to invest time into your development into a better person. To me dominance means love. Dominance is a tool to shape you what they want you to become. If you trust that person enough they will improve you. I cant explain enough what a gift I have received from Miss Ruby to be able to talk about my desires and how to make them happen. Her guidance and firm hand have paved the way to happiness for me. I hope she realizes how treasured my time with her is. She is the best marriage councilor in the world. I cannot wait to  achieve new levels of submission to my wife with her help. YES I am pussywhipped and love it!

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A Lucky Boy

The following is a paragraph from a short story that I asked my new house boy to write after having met me. I enjoyed reading it so much that I thought I would share it with everyone. 🙂

It could be pheromones, it could be that she’s fucking gorgeous, it could be her natural presence of a strong and successful woman who knows what she wants and how to get it or, maybe it’s all of those and more rolled into one irresistible package. What I do know, is the moment Miss Ruby walked into that café I didn’t care one single bit about anyone else seated nearby or around. Usually, I’m always conscious of my surroundings. I scan the people sitting all around me, the people coming and going but fuck them, fuck the waitress, fuck the people walking by on the street, I had Miss Ruby sitting in front of me. She was intoxicating, like in the old movies where the beautiful female singer is strolling down the staircase and singing in some dark and sultry voice, all eyes are on her and everyone wants to be the lucky one. She was dressed sexy, not trashy or underdressed or trying to wear something she wasn’t comfortable in but dressed like she knew what she was doing and was confident about what she was walking around in. She had the most amazing smile which draws you in and makes you want to smile and all encompassed in these beautiful full lips that she has. Lips that make you want to beg for a kiss right then and there even though you know that you don’t deserve that kiss. She was intelligent, knew how to convey her thoughts and actually had thoughts to convey and they all made me think. It’s a real blessing to be with someone who makes you think, even when you don’t want to or about things that you don’t want to. Someone who can stroke your mind is a thousand times more irresistible than someone who can stroke your cock. She had insights into life that made me look at things a different way and had a truly believable caring quality about her. And yes, this was all before we had even ordered food. Miss Ruby was a dominant woman that I wanted to serve. When we did get food, she placed some of hers on a fork and fed it to me, it felt oddly perfect and I took what she offered to me as something sacred, like I was the luckiest boy on the planet to get to have a bite of what was on her plate. I may have been smiling the entire time I first met Miss Ruby.

Who knows, maybe all of you will be lucky enough to read the rest.

A Lucky Boy Read More »

Some Thoughts on Inner Strength and Pro-Domme

I love my job. There’s such a thrill that comes along with meeting someone new and unknown for bdsm play. What role will he want to play? Will he like me? Will we get along? Will we connect well during play? It completes me like nothing else but it is a hardship at times. To be a dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort or any other kind of sex worker takes the strength to take on the deepest desires and darkest fantasies of a stranger and to make their wildest dreams come true without devaluing, compromising and destroying yourself. to do that well takes an immense amount of strength and the willingness to be vulnerable.
Let me get one thing straight, I am not being paid to be a hole. I am being paid to be myself and use my own passions to make the fantasies of others come true. By coming out and saying “this is who I am. I’m kinky as hell, I like watching others enjoy themselves and even though we don’t know if we have chemistry, I’m willing to accept money to meet you and take the chance that you aren’t going to rape, kill, stalk, harass or otherwise try to hurt me.”
Every part of that statement is a challenge in and of itself and on a day to day basis I don’t know how I manage to trust the world so much to accept so much of who I am and more surprisingly still, to want to spend time with me so badly that they’ll pay me for the experience.
The days that I expose the most of myself are the days that I excel the most and the days that my clients and friends enjoy the most and knowing that gives me the strength to keep allowing new people to see very intimate sides of me.
Who am I intimately anyways? We all wear disguises in some shape so that we can avoid being hurt but what kind of things are lurking underneath that?

On the exterior, I’m strong, I’m focused but goofy, I’m eager to watch other enjoy themselves and sometimes off the cuff things fall out of my mouth.
Under that… I like causing pain and I love watching people want me.. desire my touch and crave more of me. But it’s complicated because although I love to please, I love to deny even more. To watch my victim squirm uncomfortably with delight and disappointment. Sometimes it’s hard to keep them on the hook after saying no but that’s my favorite part.
Sometimes, I’m insecure like most people. I fear that I’m over valuing myself and driving other away because of that. I’m worried that I’m not good enough, skilled enough, competent enough or intelligent enough to pull off the plans I’m trying to release to the world. Although I have this uncanny ability to just make things work and some weird sort of luck/magic seems to follow me where ever I go. Maybe I’m just really good at handling crisis/stressful situations. That must be it; Sometimes I act like a total tit in a social situation and I shove my foot in my mouth while being a complete ass. Sometimes literally. Yet I manage to be suave enough to not absolutely abhor most people. Despite the fact that these situations I create embarrass and horrify me, I can’t seem to stop doing them. Regardless of whether or not I’ve had something to drink.

Deepest of all… I’m afraid that I’ll become a spinster who gets emotional and social fixes from work instead of reaching out to other people. Work is easier. Want to know why? I know the other people involved like me, at least a bit. If they don’t, I don’t hear from them and that’s that. Rejection is scary because still at some base level, my value as a person is tied up in the approval of others.
But you know what? It doesn’t have to be. I’m imperfect and I’m okay with that.

What really counts? I try. I give life and experiences as much as I can and then I push myself a little bit harder and that makes me proud, even when I fail miserably.

Some Thoughts on Inner Strength and Pro-Domme Read More »