The Problem with Utopia is People

People are hardwired for struggle. We’re designed for conflict and for the pursuit of triumph. Because of this, a Utopia is impossible. Why is that? Simple: There will always be people who choose to take advantage of the situation and who manipulate the world around them.

I often forget how selfish people can be, myself included. I seem to always find myself in situations where when I break, someone around me has something to gain from pushing me. Pushing me is easy when I’m falling apart. I don’t fight back, I don’t complain, I just check out and try to appease the person who is in contact with my body. It sucks, I hate it but it’s automatic and it’s why I keep people at arm’s length when I’m upset. All too often have people taken from me the little bit of emotional shelter I had left, always in my time of need.

What’s worse is that when this happens, I seem to take the fault for not being present. Just once, I want someone to say to me “I’m sorry. I acted selfishly and I took advantage of you. I understand if you hate me and that’s totally understandable but if there’s anything I can do to help fix what I broke, I would really like to help. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking about what you needed or wanted at all.” But no, it’s always cold and I can’t share the pain they’ve caused me. I can’t scream at them how badly they damaged me and how they took a horrible incident and made it a million times worse. I can’t cry in their arms and tell them how dirty I feel and how it doesn’t seem to wash off. All in an instant, I lost comfort, a friend, control of my body and feeling secure at all.

It’s amazing how one bad decision can reshape your entire image of someone.

It’s incredible how fast life slips through my fingers and flies by my face.

To me, loss feels like being homesick… Until you forget what home was like.

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Convince Ruby to Visit You; A Shut In on an Adventure

For those of you who know me well, you may have noticed that there are a few places where you can almost always find me; Turns out I’m an agoraphobe so going out into the world is scary for me and I’ve gotten very good at avoiding going out into the world. I recently realized this because it came to my attention that the list of people I interact with face to face is very small and that I haven’t gone out in public with friends in…. An embarrassingly long time. Whoops.

So of course I impulsively decided to go on a road trip to California, classic me.

The last couple of days have been really hard for me because I’ve flat out refused to go outside because according to my brain “there are weird people who make a lot of noise outside. Oh god, are they drinking outside in day light? They are! And they’re playing MUSIC! I can’t possibly go there.” So because I’ve been scared of going outside I haven’t done much which has given me the opportunity to notice that I’m home sick. Awesome.

Tonight I began giving it some real thought while debating where I should travel to next and I realized that I’m not scared of being outside, I’m scared of people. I spent a lot of my adolescence and young adulthood trying to find out where I fit in and I ended up in a lot of really awful social circles, in hopes that I would be accepted there. I believe my thought process was something along the lines of “These people look weird, I act weird, we must be THE SAME!” Unfortunately, I was wrong and I freaked out a lot of people and experienced a lot of really painful rejection.

Becoming a sex worker has allowed me to be myself but it has also allowed me to select the kind of people who can be around me which I feel is starting to do me a disservice; I’m physically very alienated from people and the vast majority of the time I get to stay in my safe little bubble, away from all the people who scare me. While being safe is awesome and being comfortable is wonderful, if I spend too much time in my own little world I will completely lose touch with reality and I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.


I have a proposition for the masses: You suggest a place (any where in the world, if you don’t live there we could meet there) for me to visit and I’ll try to make it happen. When we’re there I want you to show me your favorite place or something you think is unique or special about that place.

Before the end of the year I am making it a goal to visit Las Vegas and New York City so if you’re in either of those places, write me an email telling me why I should visit there and what you want to show me.

If you want to make me come to you, write me an email with the following information in it!

Your Name
The Location (You Want to Visit)
Your Favorite Place or Thing About That Place
Why You Think I Should Visit
Your Favorite Color

Oh and here are some photos I had taken in San Francisco.

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Sexual Energy Exchange; Why I’m a Provider

Over the holidays last year I found myself feeling really weird and grumpy when I went for long periods without playing with anyone. After chatting with Victoria Rage she and I decided that play withdrawal is totally a thing that happens for both of us. I’m thinking that I likely feel bad after going a while without playing (in the hobby and out of it) because it is a source of positive energy for me and it gives me a positive outlet for any negative feelings I might be having. Since discovering this I’ve made a conscious effort to pour any negativity into my play and I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten significantly more happiness out of my play and I’ve felt an increase in my overall well being and ability to connect with people.

Almost without fail, I feel happier and more energized after I play with someone and there is some level of sexual connection. Before I found the hobby, I felt really unstable, prone to depression and honestly really frustrated with myself and others. It felt like I was missing something so I ended up having sex with a bunch of random people, doing porn and engaging in all sorts of self destructive sexually charged behavior that ultimately lead me to exploring the hobby. Initially, I thought of the hobby as something dark, disgusting, shameful and like the bottom of the barrel; Only desperate people with no self respect engage in such activities, right? Well, I was at the bottom of the barrel but to my surprise it ended up being the best thing I could have done for myself.

Being a provider completes me; It gives me an outlet for my frustrated energies and it takes the pressure off of everything else in my life because it’s a HUGE stress relief. I don’t understand it yet but it feels like I need to engage in intimate activities with a variety of people because I feed on that energy. When I was involved with a small number of people, I sucked them dry or I was really pissed off all the time because I wasn’t getting enough energy from them. I guess you could call me a sexual energy vampire.

Being a provider gives me a safe outlet to consume sexual energy (it helps that it’s expected) and to dump negative energy (which is usually all sexual frustration.) I get to set the exchange rate, control the environment, decide the play, set the rules and it provides for me. What could possibly be better?

Why do you hobby/provide?

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Dear Hobbyist

Dear Hobbyist,
I’m writing this to you because right now I feel vulnerable in the best way possible; I feel like I’ve shared myself with you unabashedly and without censorship and that is terrifying. Every day I read horrible things about the hobby, providers and hobbyists but none of those experiences seem to line up with mine. Every time I see you, you remind me how much I love my life and how blessed I am to be who I am and where I am in life.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life in such an intimate and substantial way. Thank you for providing me with what I need to survive in this world and thank you for allowing me to be truly myself while I’m with you, it is as freeing for me as it is for you. Thank you for not conforming to the negative image that is so often displayed in our corner of the world. Thank you for always treating me with respect, courtesy, care and consideration.

In exchange for what you do for me, I want to give you a piece of myself while we’re together: I want to express my love for you (not because I have to or because it makes my life easier but because I think the world needs more affection and seeing your eyes light up brightens my day.) I want you to feel appreciated and valued (because by me, you are.) I want to show you how beautiful and magical the world is through my eyes (with the hope that I can help make your life a little bit brighter.) I want to make you feel welcome (like you don’t ever need to leave.) Most of all, I want to show you that there are sincere people in this world. I only hope that you view me as one of them.


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Praise: Kink at its Best


Below is praise from a dear friend, enjoy.

Wearing a Black latex dress she’d worn in her pictures, with 4” stiletto heels she towered over my 5’11” frame. Gulp. After leaving a donation on the table by the door I was led to her playroom. Lots of things hanging from walls that I’d only seen in kinky porn flicks. And some pieces of furniture that made me think “really?” Double Gulp.

We sat and started talking. Miss Ruby put me immediately at ease with intelligent, warm, engaging conversation. She asked about what had brought me there and being a bit nervous I yammered on until she said “OK, get undressed.” Triple Gulp.

I’m not close to comfortable in describing the details of our experience but I will put it this way: Miss Ruby ROCKED my world! She had carefully listened and pushed EVERY limit I had brought up. There was constant bliss for what seemed to be hours.

After the allotted time which left me sweating with ecstasy, we collapsed on the floor for a while longer and chatted, rubbed shoulders to loosen up, and continued with a genuine intimate connection. That night I slept better than I have in ages and had a hugely enjoyable rest of my weekend. I’m lucky enough to have a birthday next weekend and Miss Ruby has already scheduled time for me. I feel like I won the lottery this time!

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Praise: FBSM and Bondage

indulge in seattle bdsm in exquisite Seattle dungeon with femdom mistress ruby enraylls

Below is praise from a dear friend, enjoy.

This review is for a mixed FBSM with take down, tie and tease type session.

We planned our initial meeting in public at a local coffee shop. Miss Ruby has a very discreet and well-kept incall in a quiet Seattle neighborhood north of downtown that was easy to find and convenient to get to; parking is free and plentiful.

Communication was prompt and professional. (e-mail and text message) We discussed my prior kink experiences and preferences beforehand, but our session was very intuitive and personal.

Her dungeon space is well-equipped, cozy and tastefully decorated: reptile head, devil rubber duckies, original erotic art, and of course her collection of wicked toys. We used her massage table this time, but she has an abundance of other furniture options at her disposal, including a medical exam chair complete with stirrups! I was impressed by her level of cleanliness which is paramount in kinky play, especially when dealing with particularly filthy fetishes.

I was nervous. She changed that quickly. At her incall she greeted me in adorable lingerie and encouraged me to hop up on the table as soon as I liked. Yes, she’s the hottie in her pictures. We chatted for a while before getting into things to get a feel for each other, and I can wholeheartedly say that she is easily one of the most warm and genuine individuals I’ve ever met, within the hobby world or outside of it.

What really blew my mind about this encounter was how quickly she was able to change gears from casual, flirty conversation during clinical-level therapeutic massage to having me pinned and bound (with expertly tied rope, I might add) to the table, completely at her mercy. She used a variety of tools and toys to torment my body, some I’d seen before and others I hadn’t. A shocking display of her impressive flexibility made for an amazing sight and dirty thoughts from my vantage point on the table. She playfully teased me about how much she enjoyed the noises she coaxed out of me while I writhed in my bonds and laughed at my vain efforts to escape over-stimulation.

Some other things happened too that left me sweaty and disoriented that I’m going to keep between the two of us. (All safe, sane and consensual.) As I more or less came to she described me as looking like someone who had just had their world rocked. Appropriate observation.

And now, a treat to fap to or fantasize about. (Or both)

I can with complete sincerity say that Miss Ruby was exactly whom I’d hoped to meet as so much more. Her knowledge, beauty and expertise are surpassed by her authenticity on the best way possible. Hands-down my ATF for kinky endeavors. Also, grammar arousal via punctuation discussion. Yum.

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Praise: Erotic BDSM


Below is praise from a dear friend, enjoy.

I had a vivid dream today of seeing Miss Ruby today and am still coming down from the absolutely blissful session. I’m sure it was a dream as an experience this incredible simply couldn’t be real.

Let me start with the setting – the location is absolutely perfect. Incredibly private, lots of parking and very VERY discreet. I’ve seen a number of providers over the years and by far this was one felt the safest. Her directions were clear, standard method of communication and she’s incredibly responsive via text or call.

For starters – I opted for her massage experience. I know she offers a number of different modalities but made it clear I was only interested in massage. She was incredibly open to this and as someone who has received many, she was pretty damn good. I have no doubt she’d be fantastic if someone were to try one of her other more dominant sessions, however she is also amazing for massage so if you’re on the fence believe me, she’s worth it.

Upon entering I was met with an incredibly attractive tall blond with the eyes of an angel but an incredibly devilous smile. She was dressed in a gorgeous dress covering a knock out body. To start, there’s her hair. Golden strands of heaven arranged in an intricate bouquet of perfection above a perfect body. Her makeup was applied exquisitely, her eyes full of life – mischievous yet playful. Teeth perfectly white and a smile that made me weak in the knees. Her body, an absolute gift! Tall with long silky legs, wearing stockings and 4 inch heels (bringing her to roughly 6 ‘2ish I think). Her gorgeous mountainous breasts were peaking out and were absolutely awe inspiring. Perfectly proportioned, slight curves in all of the right places and an ass that will take your breath away. I must have spent a few seconds standing there with my jaw on the floor when I walked in – she noticed this as she let out a little chuckle and smiled as she directed me in. I joked with her that she’s too beautiful for me to describe in words, and writing a review was going to be agonizing as I struggled to find the right words. I hope I did a half decent job describing her but just in case it’s not clear – SHES FUCKING HOT.

She guided me through her space – it was dark as one would expect a mistresses dungeon. She walked me by a beautiful bathroom with a huge tub to a massage table. I opted for a session that involved some talking first to get to know her. For folks curious about this – I highly recommend it! I spent the first of a 3 hour session simply talking to her and getting to know her. Very open and honest conversation about many things which became useful in the rest of our session and hopefully in future sessions to come. Miss Ruby made me feel at home as soon as I entered. She understood I was a bit shy and encouraged me to open up through gentle conversation. I was surprised a Mistress could play both sides of the coin but she’s absolutely delightful.

Out of respect for her I won’t go into details of the session, but needless to say I had one of the best times of my life. Absolute heaven, and one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Definitely one of my all time favorites and someone I hope will give me the opportunity to see again. If you’re debating seeing her stop doing whatever you are doing and just go. Trust me, you’ll be pissed you wasted your time on others before. She’s an absolute expert when it comes to pleasure – I strongly recommend giving her the chance to show you.

Miss Ruby, thank you again for the experience of a lifetime. I hope I get the chance to see you again soon!

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Praise: BDSM & Humiliation


Below is praise from a dear friend, enjoy.

Amazing! I have spent time with a few lifestyle dommes and a few of the pros. Ruby is the best. She does an amazing job of taking what you give her concerning your needs and making it something you didn’t expect that is much better. I immediately felt at ease when meeting her. As we got to know each other I never felt rushed or judged. The session was the most intense experience I can remember. She truly enjoys her time with people that she has a connection with. For the day and a half that have passed since my session I have felt content and excited. I look forward to the next meeting. I have been told that people say she looks better in person than in photos. This is true, but no photo could capture Ruby!

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Praise: Soft BDSM

Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls offers domination sessions

Below is praise from a dear friend, enjoy.

I am sometimes given to hyperbole, but not for the following:

Ruby was AMAZING! Ruby is also a hardcore dominatrix I was told she would be exactly what I was looking for and she was. I usually don’t do this, and Ruby was a combination of both tender and the fetish I wanted. If fact many of our interests were otherwise very compatible. If you’re curious, check out her profile, as she is true to it.

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My Birthday Is In April, Want to get me a gift?

Yes, in case you’re wondering this is just a shameless request for people to buy me shit that I can’t validate spending the money on to buy them for myself. I will not be disappointed if I don’t receive anything for my birthday but I figured that I would put my dream list on the internet in case anyone felt so inclined to spoil me fucking rotten. Also, I added some pretty pictures at the end of this post so that it wasn’t a wasted click in the event that you don’t feel inclined to drop hundreds of dollars on me. 😛

  • Deluxe Bondage Chair in black:
  • Queening Stool in black:
  • Tria Laser 4X Deluxe Kit:
  • Twisted Monk’s Monk Set in Crimson:
  • Coach Madison Pinnacle Carrie Satchel in Love Red:
  • ErosTek ET312B Deluxe Kit:
  • Malies Dekkers Leading Strings Bra, size 34C:
  • I also have an Amazon Wishlist:

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