It’s been a while since I did a Cut video! They were nice enough to invite me back to guess who is a virgin. I wanted to make a point of guessing who I thought was going to be the “obvious” choice with the intent of highlighting how cultural biases are often incorrect. I hope you enjoy the video as much as I did when filming it!
Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. I wanted to share my favorite BDSM toys and gear I think is essential for any kit in an easy format. Whether you are a domestic dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit, this list is for you.
Every dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning dominatrix you might think “I will get a kit” but that is a mistake. Strap on kits usually come with a nylon strap harness and dildos that are so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best but my favorite is The Jag by Aslan Leathers I like thong harnesses that can be converted and the leather is treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time.
It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantus has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes.
Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a leather fan, or perhaps you enjoy the art of rope bondage. For those who are first exploring bondage, I have enjoyed Hemp Rope by Twisted Monk. It’s more expensive than what you will find at a hardware store but also more versatile. For example, you can use rope to tie a set of handcuffs or a create a cuff that you can attach anywhere. I began with rope and still find its meditative process to be grounding and a great way of building energy and anticipation within the scene.
Everyone loves the mental image of the dominatrix with the whip, right? It’s classic and unforgettable. However, learning to use a whip takes a lot of practice. I suggest starting with something like a riding crop, paddle or flogger first. I love Cane-iac for their creativity with unusual materials and their superb execution of the classics (like a cane, for example.)
Oooh, sensory play. There are so many different ways you can take this- Pokey toys, soft floggers, electro play… It all depends on the vibe of the scene. Sensory play increases suspense when you use it to build a scene or it can push the experience over the top. You can’t go wrong with a wartenberg wheel, honestly. I like playing the game of keeping myself to oe random toy and seeing how much I can do with it.
Hoods and such aren’t for everyone, some people feel very claustrophobic in them but I think they are a great tool to have in your tool kit. You can surprise someone with sensations or take complete control of them. Personally, I like hoods with the mouth exposed like the Cocksucker Hood by Mr S but in a pinch an eye mask for sleeping is great.
Surprisingly, many don’t know about the benefits of exploring nipple play- They are an unfortunately overlooked erogenous zone. I like to warm up with plastic clothes pins which are easily cleanable. If you want to leave the realm of sensory exploration, you can make them squirm with a strong set of clover clamps.
Are they too noisy? Plug their mouth with a gag to really make them feel helpless! I like ball gags personally but a good dental gag or even a ring gag has a place in my dungeon. I love versatility in all my toys so I find that the options provided by Bondage Webbing to be a perfect fit.
How will they know that you mean business unless you can really give them a good, hard spanking? I prefer paddles from Cane-iac. They have a variety of paddles in many different kinds of wood (yes that makes a difference. Let’s say it “hits different.”) More importantly, I’m yet to break one of their products. Save for canes, of course.
Lead them around and help them find sub space by locking a collar on. Many subs have told me how a collar has a been emotional impact on them, why not use that power to control them and pull them exactly into the headspace that you want? A formal leather slave collar is wonderful but so is a dog collar. What is your preference? I think quality is very important, so one of my favorite stores is Leather By Danny. You may recognize many of the designs there, now you have found the original source of the creativity.
Image by Tantus
You LOVE the color pink but it’s about to take on a whole new meaning for you. You’ve had some desires buried deep down that you can no longer ignore. The more you see the color pink, the more you can’t ignore its power over you.. More importantly, my control over you. The longer you listen, the less you can ignore your desires… Can you hold off your cravings or are you just going to keep watching on repeat?
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What is the ultimate slave task? Understanding your Mistress. Think of your research into her/their preferences as slave training. Are you trying to impress your Mistress? Make her happy? GOOD. That is exactly what you should be doing as her loyal servant. A birthday shouldn’t pass without you celebrating with your Mistress.
I’m turning 30 in the middle of April so I decided to create an easy guide for my loyal subs to find me a gift that we both will enjoy.
As with all gift giving, you should ask yourself “is this for them or is it for me?” The latter is fine but you should acknowledge that you are giving them a gift for you rather than investigating what they might want. If you want to knock it out of the ballpark, your best methods for success are research and paying attention. I think that successful gifting is based on how well you know someone’s love language which relates to their gift preferences.
Does your dominant talk about wanting to be able to do something or have something done but they don’t have the bandwidth, time or energy to do it themselves? Easy. If you can make it happen for them, do so. Ask questions if you aren’t sure of something. A great example of this is The Garden Path that one of my subs commissioned for me on my birthday a few years ago. I enjoy it immensely and it was one of the best gifts I’ve gotten.
Everyone loves having that magic thing that fills a hole in their life or solves a problem, maybe one they didn’t know they had. In order to achieve this, you must know them well. A great example from my life is receiving a very nice set of knives when I started cooking. I didn’t know how amazing good knives are compared to the crappy ones I was using.
Finding something practical that someone needs or wants is a pretty easy gifting opportunity and they will think of you whenever they use it. I have gotten tennis shoes, a sofa, clothes, kitchen items, things for my cats, gift cards that enabled me to complete a project or simply enjoy something.
I feel that anything outside of the realm of what someone will normally spend on themselves is a luxury gift.Or an upgrade to something they already have. You usually have to ask or do research but it can be immensely exciting to get a gift that you wouldn’t buy for yourself. I’ve received jewelry, shoes, lingerie, dungeon furniture and a NAS set up to backup all my media.
Do they talk about wanting to go somewhere or do something? Perfect! Whether it’s a trip to the spa or a trip to the beach, experiences are precious and the memory doesn’t fade. I’ve been taken on trips, taken to events, done crazy things and had my spa trips paid for. Big or small, I’ve loved every experience.
You are weak when it comes to women, aren’t you? You drool and lose your mind at the sight of panties or at the hint of the smell of a pussy? Imagine how much you’d lose your mind if I put my pussy in your face and told you that you weren’t allowed to touch, lick, taste, smell or adore it? Only look. You would go mad. You would become weak and then I would exploit your vulnerable mind.
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Your addiction to me just keeps growing and growing, I know how to feed it. You make yourself look away, even if you wanted to. I know how badly you want me to take you deeper under my spell. Let my shiny lips tease you with every word that flows from them. My beautiful breasts mesmerize you and make you make you weak until you have no self control left.
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I know how difficult it can be to follow the orders of your Mistress, so I’m going to make it very easy for you. Once you hear my voice, there will be no escape for you. You will fall quickly under my spell and I will solve all of your issues with “escape”.
Once you find yourself deeply under my spell, you will find yourself in no position to refuse me.
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You wanted to be the most obedient slave for me, well now is your chance to prove yourself. Bust your balls, as per my instructions as I urge you on with my glorious ass. Tempting you, teasing you. With each wiggle, I command you to bust your balls even harder for me. Can you take it?
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Everyone has been afraid of rejection at one point or another, it can feel even worse when you are looking for a kinky partner. You might feel weird or abnormal but you aren’t. Pre 50 Shades of Grey, 36% of Americans were into some form of BDSM. Considering the huge jump of inquiries I have gotten after the release of every 50 Shades movie and how many people use it as short hand, I imagine that number is higher now. For scope, ever so slightly more than 1 in every 3 people were kinky in 2005. Worldwide it was 1 in 5.
So if you’re weird, so is a large portion of the population. We just aren’t talking about it.
Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/americans-are-more-bdsm-rest-world-180949703/
The most difficult thing I personally think is finding someone whose interests match yours. This has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you or your partner, it just means you like different things. The real issue is that many people find it so difficult to talk about that it stews. You wouldn’t have a major issue over your partner not liking the same food or movies as you though, you would find a compromise. For some this means exploring together and service play (service topping) and for others it can mean opening up relationships. In both cases, it’s important to have clear negotiation and an open dialogue throughout.
Communication in all contexts is critical. Especially when it comes to play. At a certain point, you just have to bite the bullet and try to have a discussion Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Everyone has been afraid of rejection at one point or another, it can feel even worse when you are looking for a kinky partner. You might feel weird or abnormal but you aren’t. Pre 50 Shades of Grey, 36% of Americans were into some form of BDSM. Considering the huge jump of inquiries I have gotten after the release of every 50 Shades movie and how many people use it as short hand, I imagine that number is higher now. For scope, ever so slightly more than 1 in every 3 people were kinky in 2005. Worldwide it was 1 in 5.
So if you’re weird, so is a large portion of the population. We just aren’t talking about it.
Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/americans-are-more-bdsm-rest-world-180949703/
The most difficult thing I personally think is finding someone whose interests match yours. This has nothing to do with anything being wrong with you or your partner, it just means you like different things. The real issue is that many people find it so difficult to talk about that it stews. You wouldn’t have a major issue over your partner not liking the same food or movies as you though, you would find a compromise. For some this means exploring together and service play (service topping) and for others it can mean opening up relationships. In both cases, it’s important to have clear negotiation and an open dialogue throughout.
Communication in all contexts is critical. Especially when it comes to play. At a certain point, you just have to bite the bullet and try to have a discussion Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Preach to the choir, we have all had something go wrong at some point. That is how you learn and the beauty of doing it with someone who is compassionate s that you ideally should be able to learn together. At least, that has largely been my experience. Sometimes it takes some time to find the right way to phrase things, communicate your needs or even find the right people but if you’re patient and diligent, you will find what you’re looking for.
Welcome to Slut School, Have you ever thought about dick? I’m going to teach you allll about it. You’re eager to learn aren’t you? I’m sure you’ll make a good student once my big dick is inside you. Have you ever put anything inside you? I’m sure you’ve thought about it. After I’m done with you, you’re going to be a pro!
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