Femdom Blog

Top 5 Questions Everyone asks a Dominatrix

Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls in her seattle dungeon with a Slave

Have you ever wondered what your Dominatrix’ favorite bdsm activity is? Or how you can be a better a slave? Perhaps the following can point you in the right direction. Below are my 5 most frequently asked questions and my answers. You might find the questions and their answers a bit surprising. Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls has the answers to your questions and some tips.

What is your favorite thing to do in a session?

It depends on my connection with the person I’m playing with. Having overlapping interests is important. I’m big on bondage, predicaments and power exchange. I really enjoy mind fucks and getting to be creative. I often tend to get really into a theme for a while. A bit ago it was medical then ADBL, chastity roleplay scenarios, prisoner stuff… it’s always something and my specific interests seem to rotate and shift. I enjoy curating an experience for someone.. The more creative the better. I like longer scenes so I can build up ideas and get to know someone, knowing someone over a longer period of time helps with this as well. Nothing can beat intimate knowledge of the inner workings of someone.

What got you into BDSM and the Femdom lifestyle?

Like many of the people I talk to, I have been kinky for as long as I can remember. If you’ve read my about me, I talk about being kinky when I was pretty young, when it was literally just a game. I don’t see anything wrong with that, although many people I’ve spoken to want to find the reason they are into bdsm. This implies to me that it is something to be fixed when I don’t think that’s true. That’s like saying any preference is inherently wrong. It’s my belief that a homogeneous world is pretty dull, among other things.

But I digress. I’ve always had an interest in Bdsm and the very first adult images I found were femdom related. So it seems normal that I would trend that direction, especially considering that I was raised in a female dominant environment.

Are other people into my fetish?

The shortest answer is yes. I’ve played with many, many people and I can tell you with complete confidence that even if someone hasn’t engaged in your particular fetish, there’s definitely an interest. We live in a kinky world. The biggest barrier to entry is unfortunately, shame.

What do you find attractive in a submissive/slave?

The evil variation of this question is “will you go on a date with me” or worse “can I be your live in slave?” Before asking such questions, consider the one posed above and ask yourself “what do I like most about me?” Personally what I like most about my slaves is that they are considerate, kind and respectful. Every person I notice has a willingness to consider the needs and desires of others and makes an effort to do so. It’s often small things that make the biggest impressions.

Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls is dressed in black latex with her latex slave in her Seattle BDSM Dungeon where she takes requests for Femdom and mistress sessions

What can I do to have the best session with my Domina?

Communicate! Clearly, honestly and respectfully. Sending a long fantasy and play by play isn’t particularly helpful to be completely honest. Writing out a list of yes’s and no’s, hard and soft limits and any specific things you want to try is a great way to start. I prefer to communicate such things at the beginning of the session unless there is something you think I won’t have or something that will need to be prepped for or negotiated. As we get to know each other more, I find that sometimes planning gets a bit more elaborate and more communication before we meet up is necessary or desired.

How Do I find a Dominatrix near me?

Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls wears galaxy print latex dress and fetish boots, meet a dominatrix near you

How do I find a dominatrix?

I am often asked the question “how do I meet a dominatrix?” or “how do I find a dominatrix near me?” Having my location obviously posted, I find these questions a little confusing. Why would someone ask me of all people to help find a Dominatrix near them? I’ve done several YouTube videos, one of which has over 5 million views, so it makes sense to ask me even if I’m just a Seattle Dominatrix.

Why meet a professional Dominatrix anyway?

There are many reasons why you should meet a professional Dominatrix over someone who is purely lifestyle, the number one reason being that we are professionals. Being professional means that:

  • We are highly skilled in the art of BDSM, very accepting and have a lot of experience. As such you are less likely to get hurt and more likely to have a great time.
  • We have awesome dungeons because we’re more invested and our toy collections are very impressive. Why wouldn’t we be the ideal BDSM date?
  • Most importantly.. We are No drama. When the scene ends, we aren’t going to pull a Fatal Attraction on you. We want to keep this arrangement as relaxed and carefree as you do. 

How do I find a dominatrix near me?

Well, that’s why you’re here isn’t it? You have probably taken some missteps along the way, maybe you’ve fallen for a scam. Here is my order of preference to help you meet a dominatrix near you.

  • Use google. Terms like “dominatrix in Seattle”, “local Dominatrix”, “Seattle mistress”, “dominatrix near me” or “seattle dominatrix”. But replace Seattle with your city or state. You will find at least one website.
  • Browse Adult Ads. Sites like Eros or Tryst are great are pretty reputable.
  • Social media alone is Dodgy. Use social media to verify an ad or a website is real. If someone contacts you via social media, they are fake.
  • Do your own research. Research should mean connecting information you find. Make sure an Instagram profile is linked on a website. Check the age of that website on wayback machine to make sure it isn’t a fake of another website. Reverse image search images.
  • Here are some tips. Google the name, number and email you find. What does it pull up? Does it match other information? Is it blank? If it all matches other information, she’s probably legit.

Where do I not find a local Dominatrix?


Catfish love to pretend to be professional mistresses, they frequent the following and will approach you first. Remember, if it seems to go to be true, it probably is.

  • Fetish Dating Sites
  • Social Media (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Reddit)
  • Dominatrix Dating Sites
  • Messenger Apps (Snapchat, WhatsApp, Discord, Signal, Telegram)
  • Any Dating Site
  • Kink Specific Apps

A scammer will contact you first from these methods. They will message you a lot and it will seem ideal but there will be some red flags like they will have a payment method that goes to a man or will only take BTC. Use reverse Google image search on the photos they send. Always.
Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way..

How do I book a BDSM session with a Dominatrix?


Most Dominatrixes have websites. READ THEM. We have specific contact instructions and screening. Follow our rules and you will be rewarded. Typically we will ask you to contact us via our contact forms or email. Text is for those who know us and have established relationships or for last minute instructions. Calling without being given permission or instruction to do so will annoy us. Doing anything outside of our instructions that is more convenient for you than it is for us will annoy us. Think about how you would make a good impression for a first time job interview, you would not expect the other person to jump through hoops for you. Do not expect a Dominatrix to jump through hoops for you either. Approach with respect and be courteous. You do not have to go overboard but simple things like reading do’s and don’t beforehand can go a long way.

How do I make a good impression?

  • follow all her rules
  • Don’t ask too many questions, particularly if they are already answered on her website.
  • Ask questions that are relevant and present yourself honestly.
  • Understand that time is money for everyone. Approaching a Mistress is all about respect. If your initial approach involves many asks, compensating for that shows that you are going the extra mile to be respectful.
  • Use the right method to contact her. Be it a booking form, professional email or otherwise.

The Ultimate Femdom Gift Giving Guide

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What is the ultimate slave task? Understanding your Mistress. Think of your research into her/their preferences as slave training. Are you trying to impress your Mistress? Make her happy? GOOD. That is exactly what you should be doing as her loyal servant. A birthday shouldn’t pass without you celebrating with your Mistress. 

I’m turning 30 in the middle of April so I decided to create an easy guide for my loyal subs to find me a gift that we both will enjoy.

As with all gift giving, you should ask yourself “is this for them or is it for me?” The latter is fine but you should acknowledge that you are giving them a gift for you rather than investigating what they might want. If you want to knock it out of the ballpark, your best methods for success are research and paying attention. I think that successful gifting is based on how well you know someone’s love language which relates to their gift preferences.

  1. Service

Does your dominant talk about wanting to be able to do something or have something done but they don’t have the bandwidth, time or energy to do it themselves? Easy. If you can make it happen for them, do so. Ask questions if you aren’t sure of something. A great example of this is The Garden Path that one of my subs commissioned for me on my birthday a few years ago. I enjoy it immensely and it was one of the best gifts I’ve gotten.

  1. Something Useful

Everyone loves having that magic thing that fills a hole in their life or solves a problem, maybe one they didn’t know they had. In order to achieve this, you must know them well. A great example from my life is receiving a very nice set of knives when I started cooking. I didn’t know how amazing good knives are compared to the crappy ones I was using.

  1. Something Practical

Finding something practical that someone needs or wants is a pretty easy gifting opportunity and they will think of you whenever they use it. I have gotten tennis shoes, a sofa, clothes, kitchen items, things for my cats, gift cards that enabled me to complete a project or simply enjoy something. 

  1. Luxury Items

I feel that anything outside of the realm of what someone will normally spend on themselves is a luxury gift.Or an upgrade to something they already have. You usually have to ask or do research but it can be immensely exciting to get a gift that you wouldn’t buy for yourself. I’ve received jewelry, shoes, lingerie, dungeon furniture and a NAS set up to backup all my media.

  1. An Experience 

Do they talk about wanting to go somewhere or do something? Perfect! Whether it’s a trip to the spa or a trip to the beach, experiences are precious and the memory doesn’t fade. I’ve been taken on trips, taken to events, done crazy things and had my spa trips paid for. Big or small, I’ve loved every experience.

More than a Fantasy

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The world of day dreams and fantasy is one that I have often found so captivating. In this realm, reality does not apply but that is also the draw back. I’ve caught my mind wandering to stranger and stranger places, ones that are familiar to me if I’m truly honest but that I hesitate to speak about to others. That is the power and captivation of the fantasy dreamland- I need not worry what others think. Sometimes I dare to wonder, do others have the same proclivities? If I wish hard enough, I can imagine a partner who is a perfect mirror to my perversions. Indulgent, wicked, precise. Without much appearance of effort, she has me in her clutches. Here is where I find myself, browsing the internet nestled in the privacy of my self indulgence. The world out there is vast, expanding further than my crude searches can encapsulate. Still, I fumble my way through erotic, tantalizing and quite graphic content until seemingly by fate.. I find her. Again, I dare to wonder. Could my desires be more than just a fantasy? With a click on a button, they are all but a fantasy.

First Time Anxiety

Seattle strapon dominatrix Ruby Enraylls in agent provacateur jet corset and fishnet stockings

You have some desires that keep persisting. You’ve tried to escape them, push them down, ignore them, forget that they’re there. Why is that? You’ve often asked yourself this. You’re afraid that others won’t accept you as you are. For that reason and many others, it just makes sense to keep your fantasies to yourself. That’s just not enough anymore though. You’re craving something more and most of all, you want to express your desires and be seen.

The first time you message her, you feel your pulse quicken. You’re so nervous. You’ve talked yourself out of contacting her so many times but for some reason right now you feel emboldened. You’ve pressed send and it’s out of your hands now. You’ve taken the first step to giving up control and you don’t know how you feel about it. Some part of it feels like a relief and another part of you is panicking.

Faster than you expected you have a reply. You don’t want to fuck this up, it took you so long to write your first message. For some reason her reply puts you at ease and makes the whole situation feel more normal. By association, you feel more normal. This was easier than you expected. All you have to do now is follow instructions and wait. The waiting is always the hardest part.

You’ve been on the edge of your seat but you’ve crossed all your I’s and dotted your T’s. You’re so anxious that it’s all you can think about. You think about bailing but you’ve come this far, so you couldn’t possibly. You’re drawn through the day as if you’re in a hazy daydream until you find yourself face to face with her. Suddenly, crashing back to reality in a bundle of nerves.

You find yourself lured in by the casual conversation, slowly leading you down a darker pathway. You find yourself at ease, comfortable and feeling unconcerned with how your interests may make you appear. You find yourself drawn in and compelled to confess. How did that happen? Hm.. You simply fall under her spell deeper. Settling into this world of nonjudgement.

Femdom Erotica – Traveler gets Locked in Chastity

Seattle Chastity Mistress Ruby Enraylls, Cuckolding dominatrix

It’s been a long week already but you’ve had your email to distract you. Normally you hate the airport, the waiting, the delays and all the people. This time it just gives you time to build up tension. Her emails, texts and photos have kept you on edge the entire time and you can’t wait to see what awaits you on the other end of your flight. She reads you like a book but your Mistress is so mysterious to you. That always works to her advantage. This time she says she has a surprise for you, given what she knows about you… You can only imagine what it could be. Oh well, time to board and shut down.

You’re on your toes the entire flight, you can’t manage to get a lick of work done. Ugh. Hopefully you’ll have your wits about you later.

You land and you get one text that says simply “Surprise is at the hotel. Meet at the usual spot.” A shiver runs down your spine and your cheeks burn. Holy shit, what did she send to the hotel? Fuck. Your mind is racing and the obnoxious hum of the Uber driver’s too loud-not your taste music fades away into the background. You are too fixated on what awaits you at the hotel and then later, in her clutches.

The lobby seems entirely too bright when you walk in and you float over to the check in desk. “Hi, um..” you stammer. “I’d like to check in. I believe you have something for me too..?” The woman behind the desk smiles brightly and acknowledges you, taps her keyboard then hands you two key cards and a shipped box. “Can I help you with anything else?” she queries but you are completely lost to the world.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. She sent it. She actually sent it. You feel your excitement starting to build. You suddenly snap back to reality and the check in desk girl is staring at you. “Uh, sorry.” You blurt out. “Long flight.” She shrugs and repeats her question. You decline, thank her and excuse yourself quickly. Being careful to hold your personal items in such a way to not disclose your excitement to any casual passers by.

Up in your hotel room you are brimming with anticipation, staring at your box. Yet you don’t dare open it without permission from your Mistress. You fired off a text as soon as you were in the elevator but it feels like every second is taking an eternity. Finally, a reply. “Yes, open it. You’ll know what I want you to do with it.” The text is almost too much for you but you steady yourself and tear into the box.

Of course. Packed neatly inside the discreet box is your very own chastity device. You gulp, you were on edge before you got on the plane and now you know you’ll be in for more torment. You get so compliant and obedient when you’re locked. She knows just how to push your buttons, you can’t help but comply. The device is snug but it fits just right, you can’t help but obey and put it on. With a click, it locks securely. For a moment, you feel panic and decide to back out. Unfortunately, there’s no key in the box. Fuck. Your phone lights up… It’s a text. “Freaking out yet? You’ll have to earn that key back… This is going to be a fun trip!”

You feel yourself strain against the cage. Oh. Fuck…

Photo Casting Call

Fetish Model Ruby Enraylls

Good Afternoon perverts,

I have a lovely opportunity for those of you who enjoy showing off your inner exhibitionist: I am doing an official casting call for an artistic and ongoing photo project that I’m collaborating on with several photographer friends of mine.
Let me be perfectly and crystal clear: This is not a call for models in clips, pornography, video, etc. I may in the future do a casting call for that but this an artistic project featuring BDSM, fetish and event erotic elements that I find interesting and alluring but focuses heavily on the artistic element.
I have been inspired by many creative artists online such as Mistress Eva, Mistress Troy and Cybill Troy. At first glance you may just look at the imagery they have created and say “that’s just porn” or “that’s an advertisement.” However, to me my website is a space where I can create artistic vision and attract like minded people; My website is a place to house my creative voice.

I have several different visions in mind for this particular casting call.

Iconic Scenes from Movies, with a kinkier twist

Have you ever been watching a movie and found yourself completely enraptured with the pacing, the imagery, the characters yet you wished it had gone slightly further in a kinky a direction? Maybe you wished the roles were reversed? I’m aiming to recreate scenes like that from movies that are easily recognizable, that stick in your mind. I already have several in mind but I’m always looking to add to my collection of ideas.

BDSM for Everyone and Every Body

Have you ever been looking through BDSM or Femdom images only to find that there isn’t someone who represents you or that you resonate with? I think this is really important. My goal is to to represent different body types and gender expressions. The idea is to create a welcoming space, period.

With any photo project I am working on, the goal is that you will be anonymous in the photos. However, I will ask that you sign a model release.

If you’d like to chat about this, please email me at ruby@rubylovesyou.com

How to Size a Chastity Cage

Seattle chastity mistress

There are so many different types of chastity cages to choose from, making a selection sometimes seems impossible. There are many different styles, materials, shapes, you name it! Which one is right for you? Hopefully I can shed some light on how to purchase a chastity device that will work for you by illuminating some critical consideration points.

Before we start with sizing we need to consider how you’ll use this device. Are you going to be locked up for an hour while you go out and get groceries for your Mistress? Is it a night of chastity for you, lucky boy? Perhaps something more long term like a week of being locked in your cage. Maybe something more intense still like a long term chastity contract that spans weeks, months or if you’re really lucky, years. Each duration has different considerations to make with the fit, sizing, materials and even locking devices.

Let’s start out with the basics

How to Size a Chastity Cage

How to Measure for a Chastity Device

Where do you need to measure for fitting a chastity device?

  1. The circumference of the shaft of the penis
  2. The length of the penis
  3. The circumference of the entire genital (below the base of the penis and the testicles)

You must take these measurements while your penis is soft then repeat them when it is erect to get adequate sizing.

The sizing for most chastity cages or devices tends to come in MM so convert your measurements into MM using Google.

How to Fit a Chastity Device Properly

Many basic devices offer a variety of different sizes of base rings (the ring that goes around the entirety of your genitalia.) This ring holds your chastity device in place and prevents it from falling off. Before purchasing a device take a piece of string the same length as one of the rings you are considering and feel how it feels tied around the base of your penis. This should give you an idea of the fit in that department.

As far as length, try to find a middle ground between your length when soft and when hard. However, that is kind of up to your discretion. Do you want that classic feeling of being cramped and unable to get erect? Lean closer to your soft measurement. Need more room for longer term wear? Go somewhere in the middle or go with the full length if possible.

Picking the right material is mostly a weight issue or a customization question. Do you like the weight of metal or do you not mind the extra effort to put on plastic? Silicone is easy in all of these areas but not secure. 3D printed is highly customized, covers all the bases but expensive and not good as a first choice.

As far as locks the biggest question is how trustworthy are you? Metal locks provide that extra security plus the classic literal keyholder element. The numbered plastic locks can be removed and put back on be crafty subs (for that matter the plastic cages can be broken with enough force.) So metal can’t be beaten in that regard (for the really enthusiastic chastity players you can find some pretty intense full metal belts.) However, is your chastity sub going through lots of airport security or is there another reason they might need to remove it? Bluetooth unlocking options such as apps are a great option. Bluetooth luggage locks are fun too but they can’t get wet. All of these are fun options with long distance training.

At the end of the day, trust is always a huge part of any type of play. Being kept in line or keeping someone in line is critical but a struggle loses it’s charm. 😉

Examples of Different Chastity Devices

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Different Styles of Chastity Cages

Your basic styles are the same: A place to put your penis and some type of ring that holds the cage securely in place. However what tends to vary is how the device goes on, how snugly it fits and how easy it is to put on. The devices with hinged rings are super easy to put on but not good for long term wear as they press. The metal tubes can be bulky and if the ring is the wrong size it can be difficult if not impossible to fit all your gear inside. The plastic devices are also difficult to put on at first and usually require lubricant or the aid of a q-tip. I wouldn’t recommend wearing a sound for long periods at all.

Chastity in Summary

Everything is customized to your fit, read descriptions, look at reviews and always measure first. It takes trial and error to get the right fit, I wouldn’t recommend getting the most expensive custom cage first until you’ve tried things out a bit. That being said if you are confident that you know what you want there are many options in that direction.
However, if the cage is uncomfortable or causes any swelling, bruising, burning, tingling, numbness, cold spots or discoloration remove it immediately. Some pretty nasty things can go wrong if you aren’t careful. Luckily, in a pinch your friendly neighborhood hardware store sells bolt cutters for under 20 bucks.

I hope this has helped you make some decisions about buying your chastity device! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
If you are interested in exploring chastity, I delight in being a keyholder. Check out my page about that here!

Resources:
https://lockedinlust.com/how-to-measure/
https://www.maturemetal.com/guide-to-measuring-your-penis-for-a-chastity-device/
https://lockthecock.com/blogs/chastity-fun/choosing-the-right-one

All About Corsets! for Sissies, Feminization, and Crossdressing

Seattle Strapon and corset dominatrix ruby

Corset training can be an excellent part of any feminization routine or a wonderful set of sissy tasks. If you want to make your body more feminine, it’s a great way to do it without any big changes, so it’s a great option for a man, sissy or casual player to explore. They can range from cheap to very pricey depending on your needs, budget and how fancy you want to be. That being said, you can often get what you need for your closet without breaking the bank.

I’m going to answer some basic questions that you may have about how to fit a corset, this is part one about picking a corset. I’m briefly touching on several other topics I’m going to cover later such as body types, corset styles and fabrics. If you would like an individual consultation about sizing any type of clothing or shoes or selecting make up based on your skin, please feel free to contact me. Moving along..

How do I measure for a corset?

You need to measure your natural waist size in order to size a corset. You can measure your natural waist size one inch above your belly button.

Once measured, always choose a corset 2-4 inches smaller than your natural waist to achieve the ‘hourglass’ effect. The amount you “size down” is how tight the corset will close and depending on your shape and the shape of the corset you should size accordingly. Always read size guides.

Some fashion corsets may not come with traditional sizing, in which case I would refer to my previous sizing guide.

Where is my waist?

Your waist is the smallest part of your abdomen. Usually one inch above your belly button but it varies on some people. Take a fabric tape measure and pull it somewhat right around your waist, where does it gather to? (When measuring don’t cinch tightly, hold the tape loosely.) This also gives you information about your body shape. However, that is for a different post.

Can I use corsets designed for female bodies?

Yes! But they all fit differently. There is a simple over bust and under bust as far as length but there are also long line (for long torso which come in both under and over,) cinchers, waspies and corset belts. All in descending order of coverage.

You also want to pay attention to how much curve a corset has. Most “real” corsets have some kind of metal boning in them but fashion corsets which have the least support use plastic and are the most forgiving. A real corset will have corded laces or strings of some sort (like a shoe lace,) not generally ribbon or zippers as they will break easily with repeated lacing/zipping

Tight lacing cotton corset
Product: Cotton Tight lacing Corset from Mystic City Corsets
A tight lacing or hourglass corset is more on extreme end and is usually not for beginners but is incredible for creating a perfect curve. Tight lacing is the technique used to create a well defined hourglass figure.

Another thing to think about is the type of fabric used. Is it mesh, leather, satin, cotton, brocade? They all wear, sit, fit and stretch differently.

For example, a mesh corset will breath more which is better for wearing under clothes but it is less usable for tighter lacing (waist reduction) and will break down faster. Alternatively, you could wear it over your clothes for an alternative look.
Mesh Waspie Corset
Product:

A satin corset looks prettier on the outside (and would make a great sissy corset) but may get lots of runs in the fabric or stain easily depending on the color. Satin, cotton and brocade tend to be fairly default when it comes to corsets. PVC, leather and latex are more speciality fabrics.

Satin underbust corset
Product: Satin underbust corset from Orchard Corset

Will wearing a corset change the shape of my body?

Over time repeated and consistent wear of a corset can change your shape but such pursuits should be undertaken with caution. If you only wear a corset occasionally, your body will return back to its original shape once you remove your corset. If you desire to change your waist size through corset training, it requires dedication

References:
https://www.orchardcorset.com/pages/corset-sizing
https://www.rebelsmarket.com/blog/posts/types-of-corsets-how-to-wear-them
https://www.leaf.tv/9749781/does-your-body-go-back-to-normal-when-you-take-off-a-corset/

Sizing Women’s Clothes for Sissies, Feminization & Crossdressing

womens clothing sissy size guide

All around the world, women lament the chore of trying to divinate the size of their clothes.

When trying to figure out your size in women’s clothes as a Sissy, for feminization or crossdressing it gets a bit more complicated.

0 here, 12 there, 40 over there. It makes no sense. That’s just crossing countries. Try crossing brands. If I look into my jeans drawer I can find 26, 27, 28, 29, 2, 4, 6, xx small, small, medium and one size fits all. Who could possibly figure out how to order pants when you’re coming from a world of waist by length? I guess what I’m saying here is that no brand is standard in sizing when it comes to women’s clothing and the material and cut makes a huge difference in the fit. You never really know how something will fit until you have it on but usually size guides for sites will lend some help.

The trick comes in several parts.

This is an important tool you’ll need, however.

Know your measurements
However you’re planning on dressing, you better take your bust, waist and hip. The bust is the biggest part of your chest, waist is the smallest, hip is the biggest part of your hips/butt.

For bonus points, measure your neck, around your thigh, your bicep, the width of your shoulders, the length of your arm and the length of your leg. Now you can get fitted for anything!

Read size charts
Seriously. If the site you’re ordering from doesn’t have one, try to google one for the brand. It will save you a lot of time.

Understand fabrics
The stretchier the fabric the more give it has and the more you can fudge measurements. So look at materials and Google that if you are unsure, same with reviews. Common stretchy fabric names are lycra, elastane and spandex.

Now you are all set to order some clothes! If you need some one on one consulting, feel free to contact me and I would be happy to help you.