Every wondered about my opinion on something kink related?
Queue another busy month during the time of year which is normally slow. Ah well, being busy is nice.
I have a bunch of new projects that I’m working on including clips, writings, voice clips, assignments and a new medical play themed website project with a friend! Woohoo!
Stay tuned, it’ll be an interesting year.
The holidays are swiftly approaching, you know what that means? Gifts for all!!
As a special thank you to folks who have seen me 3 times or more, I am offering a special 200/hr rate or double time for sessions during the holidays. (From Thanksgiving until New Years!)
Interested in buying me a gift for the holidays?
Check out my Wishlists or for a more personal touch, one of the items below.
In order of preference:
Erostek ET312B
Nexus 9, 32GB in Black
Cocksucker Hood, Large
Leather Fishtail Skirt, size 14
Leather Pencil Skirt, size 14
Leather Catsuit, size 44 in black
Spandex Catsuit in Black, Medium
Leather Corset, Size 42 in Black
Standing Erector Set Complete
Bondage Cross and Inversion Table, black leather and mahogany wood
I also am in the market for some lovely floggers!
Thank you for reading!!
People are hardwired for struggle. We’re designed for conflict and for the pursuit of triumph. Because of this, a Utopia is impossible. Why is that? Simple: There will always be people who choose to take advantage of the situation and who manipulate the world around them.
I often forget how selfish people can be, myself included. I seem to always find myself in situations where when I break, someone around me has something to gain from pushing me. Pushing me is easy when I’m falling apart. I don’t fight back, I don’t complain, I just check out and try to appease the person who is in contact with my body. It sucks, I hate it but it’s automatic and it’s why I keep people at arm’s length when I’m upset. All too often have people taken from me the little bit of emotional shelter I had left, always in my time of need.
What’s worse is that when this happens, I seem to take the fault for not being present. Just once, I want someone to say to me “I’m sorry. I acted selfishly and I took advantage of you. I understand if you hate me and that’s totally understandable but if there’s anything I can do to help fix what I broke, I would really like to help. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking about what you needed or wanted at all.” But no, it’s always cold and I can’t share the pain they’ve caused me. I can’t scream at them how badly they damaged me and how they took a horrible incident and made it a million times worse. I can’t cry in their arms and tell them how dirty I feel and how it doesn’t seem to wash off. All in an instant, I lost comfort, a friend, control of my body and feeling secure at all.
It’s amazing how one bad decision can reshape your entire image of someone.
It’s incredible how fast life slips through my fingers and flies by my face.
To me, loss feels like being homesick… Until you forget what home was like.
For those of you who know me well, you may have noticed that there are a few places where you can almost always find me; Turns out I’m an agoraphobe so going out into the world is scary for me and I’ve gotten very good at avoiding going out into the world. I recently realized this because it came to my attention that the list of people I interact with face to face is very small and that I haven’t gone out in public with friends in…. An embarrassingly long time. Whoops.
So of course I impulsively decided to go on a road trip to California, classic me.
The last couple of days have been really hard for me because I’ve flat out refused to go outside because according to my brain “there are weird people who make a lot of noise outside. Oh god, are they drinking outside in day light? They are! And they’re playing MUSIC! I can’t possibly go there.” So because I’ve been scared of going outside I haven’t done much which has given me the opportunity to notice that I’m home sick. Awesome.
Tonight I began giving it some real thought while debating where I should travel to next and I realized that I’m not scared of being outside, I’m scared of people. I spent a lot of my adolescence and young adulthood trying to find out where I fit in and I ended up in a lot of really awful social circles, in hopes that I would be accepted there. I believe my thought process was something along the lines of “These people look weird, I act weird, we must be THE SAME!” Unfortunately, I was wrong and I freaked out a lot of people and experienced a lot of really painful rejection.
Becoming a sex worker has allowed me to be myself but it has also allowed me to select the kind of people who can be around me which I feel is starting to do me a disservice; I’m physically very alienated from people and the vast majority of the time I get to stay in my safe little bubble, away from all the people who scare me. While being safe is awesome and being comfortable is wonderful, if I spend too much time in my own little world I will completely lose touch with reality and I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.
I have a proposition for the masses: You suggest a place (any where in the world, if you don’t live there we could meet there) for me to visit and I’ll try to make it happen. When we’re there I want you to show me your favorite place or something you think is unique or special about that place.
Before the end of the year I am making it a goal to visit Las Vegas and New York City so if you’re in either of those places, write me an email telling me why I should visit there and what you want to show me.
If you want to make me come to you, write me an email with the following information in it!
Your Name
The Location (You Want to Visit)
Your Favorite Place or Thing About That Place
Why You Think I Should Visit
Your Favorite Color
Oh and here are some photos I had taken in San Francisco.
Convince Ruby to Visit You; A Shut In on an Adventure Read More »
Yes, in case you’re wondering this is just a shameless request for people to buy me shit that I can’t validate spending the money on to buy them for myself. I will not be disappointed if I don’t receive anything for my birthday but I figured that I would put my dream list on the internet in case anyone felt so inclined to spoil me fucking rotten. Also, I added some pretty pictures at the end of this post so that it wasn’t a wasted click in the event that you don’t feel inclined to drop hundreds of dollars on me. 😛
Hello all!
My boy and I will be visiting Portland, Oregon next Thursday and Friday for fun, adventure and debauchery! We’re taking appointments together and separately during those days.
If you have suggestions for a great strip club to visit, that would be wonderful!
I’m looking forward to making some new connections with folks down in PDX!
Cross posted from DommeDose.com
How to Achieve Happiness with Your Vanilla Partner as a Submissive
By Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls – http://www.rubylovesyou.com/
As a professional dominatrix, I speak with many men who have the desire to be controlled by a powerful (and often manipulating) woman. Unfortunately for these men, general society dictates that women should be subservient, docile, and obedient towards their male counterparts. As a result, submissive men often find themselves frustrated in marriages with women who, for all their wonderful qualities, aren’t taking control. These relationships don’t have to fail, and can end up being quite successful, and I’m going to provide a guide for you to get there in four possibly not-so-easy steps!
Step One: Determine What You Want
So, you want to give up control. What does that mean? I define control as the ability to affect, influence, or impact a situation, person, or thing directly and with intent. So, the desire to give up control is a desire for your partner to intentionally influence you. This means you’re asking them to lead you, dictate changes, make decisions and initiate interactions- At least, this is what control means to me.
It goes without saying that what control means to me and what control means to anyone else is probably different so before considering how to alter your relationship, you should make two lists: One list will have 5-10 actions, feelings or situations that make you feel submissive and the other will describe the inverse. These lists should help you figure out what control means to you and how you want to be submissive.
Although people don’t tend to neatly fit into categories, I’ve found that generally there are themes when it comes to the activities that someone enjoys; Often someone who likes doing service for their partner will also enjoy sexually pleasing their partner. Just as someone who enjoys having someone spit in their face will also usually enjoy being told how dirty and nasty they are. The main categories that submissive behavior and preferences tend to fall into seem to be fetish, service, masochism, sexuality, humiliation, degradation, behavior modification and power.
Fetish; An activity or preferred object or body part that is very much focused on such as a woman’s foot or smelling dirty panties. Service; Enjoying or wanting to do things for other people that make their lives better or easier, classically house work and menial labor such as data entry or organizing paper work. Masochism; Enjoying a painful, unpleasant or uncomfortable activity such as spanking or rope suspension. Humiliation; Seeking out situations or activities that produce feelings of inadequacy, shame, embarrassment. Degradation; Enjoying activities that make you feel dirty, bad, wrong, shameful, evil, slutty, disgusting or less than other people. Behavior Modification; Wanting to have someone control what you do, how you think, what you feel and what you want. Power; Wanting to feel powerless compared to someone else, to feel controlled or overwhelmed by them.
Obviously, each category is not mutually exclusive and often most people enjoy some activities that fit into multiple categories in different degrees of intensity. In my experience, the intensity experienced by someone submissive tends to range from enjoying a lifestyle 24/7 dynamic where the submissive is always submissive to experiencing a casual fantasy where they only want to be told to do something that they already wish to do. With all of that said, each submissive varies widely in their tastes, preferences and dislikes so even those that are categorically the same can be extremely different.
For example, I currently have two submissives who both enjoy service and providing me with care but both of them have different approaches to service: One of them likes to help me around the house by cooking, cleaning and doing other chores and feels at peace while he is taking care of physical tasks for me. The other however, doesn’t really enjoy doing physical tasks (especially cleaning.) She enjoys engaging in psychologically taxing tasks that contribute to me having more energy to better accomplish everything else I have to do.
Step Two: Determine What She Wants
Everyone falls somewhere on the D/s scale, whether they’re aware of it or not. Sometimes those inclinations are very fluid, other times they’re less so – it’s very similar to sexual orientation in that regard. It’s possible that your wife is just as submissive as you are (or more!), and just doesn’t want to be dominant, for the same types of reasons you don’t.
Does your wife like making decisions? Does she know what kink is? How does she feel about it? Is she open-minded? Being dominant over you will require your wife to make many choices for themselves and for you. If she hates decisions, it’s going to be very difficult to find a way where she’s happy controlling you. Similarly, if she hates the idea of kink and you try to manipulate her into dominating you, she’s probably going to be extremely upset if she finds out.
On the other hand, it’s very common for women to feel heard, considered, and empowered by their husbands. Being dominant does take some effort, but if it means an increased ability to get what she wants, it may be worth it for her. When I’ve instructed submissive men to offer control to their wives in the past, it has been met with joy. This is probably related to how they went about it and what control they relinquished, but more about that in step four.
Step Three: Decide On a Course of Action
At this point, you have most of the information you need to make a decision. Do you want to express your submission with your wife, or with a professional?
When making this decision, you first need to realize that your wife will never be the perfect dominatrix for you. A professional is there to provide you with a relatively uncomplicated fantasy interaction, within her own limitations. Because you have set an exchange rate with her, she’s more willing to conform to your desires. Because you’ve discussed limits and mutual interests, you’ll likely get a closer approximation of what you want. So (unless someone is lying), there’s virtually no chance of either person getting shortchanged in the arrangement. On the other hand, your wife is likely to have her own agenda (which is probably not “fulfill your fantasy so she can pay her bills”). She’ll have her own desires, her own needs, and her own wants. Those probably won’t align perfectly with yours, and that’s okay. Use the information you gathered in steps one and two to figure out how close you can get to what you want with your wife, and then make a decision about whether that’s close enough for you.
Even if your wife is submissively inclined, it may be possible for you to fulfill one another’s needs. You’ll both have to work for it, but if you’re willing to be creative and compromise it can work. Perhaps it means that you won’t get all of your fantasies met. Perhaps it means supplementing the D/s between the two of you with a professional. Perhaps it means exploring new ways to interact together. If she’s open to it, though, and you believe that getting your needs fulfilled within your existing relationship is the route you’d like to choose, step four has suggestions on how to make the transition into more control easier for her, and helping her see that domination isn’t scary, impossible, masculine, or gross.
Step Four: Offer Her Control (if appropriate)
The guiding principle here is that you want to create situations where you’re allowing your wife to direct and influence you. You want to set up an environment where it’s easy for her to lead you, initiate changes, and make decisions.
When initially giving control to a partner with whom you’ve previously been equals, it’s tempting to either simply say “I want you to control me.” or to give them explicit instructions for how they should control you. The former is overwhelming and intimidating for most vanilla women, and the second is counterproductive. It defeats the point of giving up control, and it’s likely to be rejected by a woman who will actually take control or accepted disdainfully as a command by a woman who doesn’t want to be in charge. Neither of those options are what you want, so don’t tell your wife to tell you to do something.
What do you do, then? The specifics will be different for everyone, but some good starting questions are “How can I make your life easier?” “What can I do to help you around the house?” and “What do you hate doing?” In addition to these questions, it would be a good idea to pay attention when you make decisions together or when you make decisions for the two of you. Common decisions that you may be taking for granted are what you are eating, what you are wearing, how something is done around the house, and who does what chores. When you notice yourself making such decisions, consider asking for her opinion. Eventually, she will become more accustomed to making decisions on your behalf and having that control over you will feel natural to her.
Although most highly visible models for how D/s relationships start involve the dominant asking for (or taking) control over the submissive, the inverse also happens. In fact, my experience has shown that relationships tend to be far healthier when the submissive gives control than when the dominant takes it. Anything taken by force walks the line of abuse, and by offering control before she asks for it, you’re mitigating one potential concern. Be aware, however, that she may not want the control you’re offering, and it also causes issues to force control onto someone who doesn’t want it. Ideally, you want to give your wife as much control as she wants to have and as much as you want to give. Keep in mind that those two values may not match up exactly, and that they will both be constantly shifting and changing. While that may sound undesirable, it allows you to learn and grow together. If something is constantly changing, it’s (hopefully!) becoming better and closer to the ideal for both parties.
But What About BDSM?
I understand that allowing your wife to make all the decisions isn’t exactly fetish-oriented. At the end of the day, you’re still doing service for a wonderful woman, and perhaps that’s enough. Introducing BDSM activities isn’t off the table, but you don’t want to force anything upon her. If she’s not open minded, if she’s uncomfortable with kink, or if she’s not comfortable taking the lead, you should probably leave BDSM and kink out of your relationship.
If you choose to introduce BDSM, I suggest mentioning something innocent very casually. Perhaps say something like “Have you ever used handcuffs on someone? I overhead someone at work talking about an exploit of his where he used handcuffs…” Alternately, if your acting abilities are such that you can seem surprised by it, you can “stumble across” some BDSM or fetish picture in a relatively innocent place (think Wikipedia) and ask what your partner thinks.
You want to seem curious or surprised when you bring it up, but you want to leave a believable out if your partner is disgusted. If she reacts strongly negatively, you want to be left in a situation where you can respond with “Yeah, the handcuff thing seemed weird to me, too. Why would he have done that?” or agree with her disgusted shock that Wikipedia had such perverse content. You don’t want to end up in a situation where your wife has to choose between obviously insulting your fantasies and expressing her true opinions.
In the event that your partner is interested in BDSM too, I suggest starting off very innocently; Crops, blindfolds, hand cuffs and the like. Introduce things slowly and really make her a part of your exploration by reading things together, watching videos together, shopping together, ect. Even if she isn’t initially interested in something, it’s likely that if you are and she’s open minded she’ll try it and like it or try it because you like it. The most important thing to remember is to have fun and make it into a bonding experience, if you do that it will have a positive outcome.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to forward them to me at rubyenraylls@gmail.com
How to Achieve Happiness with Your Vanilla Partner as a Submissive Read More »
Upon request one of my lovely submissives, P. wrote this for me to surmise his experience with me.
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of reading about the wonderful experiences that I’ve helped create for other people. Knowing that I can make someone’s day, week, month, year or even lifetime is immensely flattering, enthralling and inspiring; It truly makes me feel like I’m making the world a little bit brighter, in my own weird way.
“I just want to say a little something about Ruby.
I have never seen a “pro” before so she was my first experience there, and as we all know, first impressions are important. I admit I was a bit hesitant, with all that we hear nowadays about being set-up, ripped off, or worse in such circumstances, I was very cautious and a bit edgy.
We met at a casual public place and walked to her place of business.
Ruby soon made me feel at ease. She is not only very sexy, she is very real and very accommodating. We chatted a bit more so she could learn more about what I desired and my limitations. Although I was still feeling a bit self conscience of the large age difference between us, she never gave any indication that she was nothing but pleased to fulfill my fantasy scene.
That being said, once our session began, I was in pure bliss. I won’t get into details, but I’m a pretty kinky dude, and she filled and fulfilled my desires as well as humanly possible. It was the best hour and a half of my life, and the quickest! (note to self, next session must be at least 2 hours or more).
When our official time came to a close, Ruby was so gracious, she made no effort to push me out the door, in fact we sat on the floor and talked at length. At this point I was VERY comfortable with her. If you’re old like me, and a Beatles fan like me, think Norwegian wood.
By now I was actually starting to feel like I was imposing, staying longer than I should. But Ruby is one that is so pleasant to be around, its easy to forget that she is a “provider”, and think of her as a friend.
I envy those who get to spend time with Ruby on a daily basis, she is smart, sexy, beautiful and a genuinely fun person to be around. My only regret is that my time with her is so limited. In short, Ruby can be your dream cum true, if your willing to let her.
P.”
Here are several more paragraphs from the Lucky Boy about his experiences in chastity, getting a reward, disappointing me and my response to the disappointment. Enjoy!
Miss Ruby took me to her space, tied me and blindfolded me. Now, I had been told not to wear my chastity cage that night so, there I was blindfolded, pants around my legs and my cock hard, dripping and aching for Miss Ruby. I had no idea what would come next and her mastery at being in charge only fueled my sexual desires even more. Miss Ruby invaded my ass, stroked my cock, clamped my nipples and took complete control over my willing body. I wasn’t allowed to cum and she brought me closer and closer to the edge and then back again. I had such a desire to cum but my desire to be good overcame it. Then she gave me permission to and I couldn’t. I wanted to so bad, I was right there on the edge and I tried and tried and Miss Ruby was being so good to me and giving me everything and more than I should have needed to cum but I just wouldn’t. It was like this frustrating combination of all my insecurities and having not cum in almost three weeks and I never came. After we were done and I was left frustrated, feeling like I had been a disappointment, Miss Ruby informed me that I was not allowed to cum and she also gave me some new chastity rules.
Whether or not I had truly been a disappointment that night, only Miss Ruby knows. However, what undeniably was a disappointment was me, the following morning. Not only did I break the chastity rule while shortcutting but, while doing so I also broke the rule of not being allowed to cum. I was so frustrated with having not cum and still so heated with my desires for Miss Ruby that I took from her what was hers, what I had voluntarily given up control of. It was one of the worst orgasms I’ve ever had. It was painful and I felt like such a disappointment during and after. I felt pathetic. I chastised myself and argued with myself all morning between telling Miss Ruby and not telling her. I knew that I had to be honest so I sent her a text telling her what had happened. I waited and waited and since having met her I had the worst day at work. I was close to tears throughout that day. I mean, she had taken such good care of me the night before and I ruined it all with one little selfish action. I just knew that she would be angry and feared she wouldn’t even want to have anything to do with this pathetic submissive who was untrustworthy. She did forgive me but, she was worried and rightfully so. I was relieved that she forgave me and I got to go and see her again that evening.
We spent that evening visiting and discussing what I had done. I couldn’t even look at her unashamedly for the longest time and she could definitely tell. Miss Ruby seems to be able to peer into my soul and see exactly what I need, deserve, what I desire and if not, she certainly knows how to get it out of me. That evening I had the sincere pleasure of staying the night. It felt absolutely amazing sleeping next to her. Miss Ruby’s body not only looks perfect but it also feels perfect. Her soft skin, soothing voice and her touch, oh that touch, are all so amazingly delightful to be curled up next to. I got to lay there with my head on her chest for quite some time, listening to her heartbeat as it lulled me off to sleep. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in quite some time and even though I only got a few hours I felt rejuvenated. I was the happiest boy at work the following day and people couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. I was goofy and playful and probably the most positive that I’d been in quite some time. Miss Ruby had forgiven me, I did have a punishment coming, but her forgiveness and her desire to still want to see me and not give up on me meant so much to me. I have this fear in relationships that I’m going to be tossed to the side, be given up on, or just suddenly and without warning cut off. It’s happened to me in the past and it frightens me to the point to where I pretty much just expect it. I’ve avoided some potentially meaningful relationships in the past or ended some because of this fear. I hate having that fear but, I have this trust, feeling or, whatever you want to call it that Miss Ruby’s not going to give up. She seems to want me to serve her, to be a good boy for her and I have every intention to do my best for her.
I got to stay with her the following night as well and spent most of the next day by her side too. We slept in together, she held me, she teased me and, she made me feel safe. I enjoyed every moment with Miss Ruby. We worked on a project together and I got to see a really fun and funny side to her. There was barely a moment where we weren’t either laughing, touching or just simply enjoying each other’s company. All of the kink aside, it’s a real treat to be around someone you can have that kind of a connection with. She makes me feel not only like a good submissive but also like a special person who’s worth her time to be around and who is adding something to her life. I don’t ever want to take away from Miss Ruby. I hope that I can be just as good to her as she’s been to me.
As for everything else, I’ve offered to take pain for Miss Ruby. I’ve always felt that BDSM was a two way street. There is a reason why Dom’s are Dom’s and sub’s are sub’s. I want to take her pain, I want to be her good boy, her whore, trustworthy boy, friend, submissive – whatever she needs. What I don’t ever want to be and what I will put every effort into; is to never be a disappointment again.
You might think I’m thick for stating this but I’ll do it anyways; Quality really is worth it.
Unfortunately, quality is not cut and dry; Some expensive things suck and some cheap things are awesome.
The “Deluxe” cuffs I bought in my youth when I was tormenting a boyfriend, unfortunately… They were crap. I spent a little chunk of change on them and I only used them once or twice because they didn’t feel good, they weren’t fun to use and they weren’t really that versatile.
The thumb cuffs on the other hand… I use whenever I have a chance; They just rock. They’re simple but sturdy, versatile and I connect with them. That’s really my point with this whole post- Good toys are toys you connect with. If it feels like you have to fight the toy to use it, it’s not a good toy for you.
The bold statement above became really apparent to me over the weekend when I was comparing my single tail to my partner’s- Mine is made from inexpensive leather, has thick strands, is probably only 8 plait and packs a whollup to my arm when I use it on someone. I knew I had to fight that whip to use it and that was part of the fun with it; If I wanted to beat someone, I had to really put some effort into it. Sadly though, I don’t actually like this whip very much. It doesn’t like to be accurate, it doesn’t bend much and it feels like it almost gets stuck in particular configurations. All of this wasn’t really that apparent to me until I used my partner’s 20 plait signal whip…
I don’t often feel like I should just shell out half a grand for a new toy, especially not one I already have an inferior version of. Sure, it would be nicer, easier to use, probably meaner and I’m sure it will make me dinner too but meh. Don’t spend money if you don’t need to, right?
Fuck me, though. This whip is incredible.
The craftsmanship alone makes it like a piece of goddamn art; It has tiny leather strips that wind back and forth, crisscrossing and locking together to make a solid column of dead animal parts designed solely for the purpose of inflicting pain. Every inch of it curls and unfurls gently as I run it through my fingers… It feels soft but solid to the touch and unlike anything I’ve touched before. It’s just some how… Different and that intrigues me. It’s innocent yet so devious- Some qualities I share with it.
Lifting it to strike feels like an effortlessly fluid motion and the follow through of throwing it out in a clean strike continues that trend. It feels like the leather is now a part of me; Each strike lands exactly where I want it to and with exactly the correct amount of force. This toy and I are dancing together across the ass of my bottom and it’s beautiful, we’re creating a piece of art together and there’s nothing that prevents it from obeying me exactly. Goddamn. This is how this relationship is supposed to be, isn’t it?